A recent study published in the Journal of Personality sheds light on how two distinct facets of narcissism affect the likelihood and motivations behind gift-giving. The findings reveal that individuals high in narcissistic admiration are more likely to give gifts, driven by a desire to enhance social bonds and showcase themselves as superior relationship partners. In contrast, those high in narcissistic rivalry tend to avoid gift-giving, particularly in close relationships, due to feelings of threat and a lack of interest in fostering social closeness.
The Background: Narcissistic Admiration vs Narcissistic Rivalry
Gift-giving plays a central role in human relationships, fostering intimacy, trust, and connection. While research has explored various factors influencing gift-giving behavior, the role of personality traits, particularly narcissism, remains understudied. Narcissism is a multifaceted trait, encompassing both socially engaging (admiration) and socially antagonistic (rivalry) tendencies.
“The type of narcissism most people are familiar with, called grandiose narcissism, has two forms that work in different ways,” explained study author Colleen P. Kirk, a professor of management and marketing at the New York Institute of Technology. “People who are higher in narcissistic admiration are always looking for ways to promote themselves and build themselves up, whereas people who are higher in narcissistic rivalry try to enhance themselves by putting others down. They are different strategies for achieving the same goal –reminding others how great they are.”
Given the interpersonal nature of gift-giving, the researchers aimed to explore how these two dimensions of narcissism interact with motivations for giving and the specific contexts that might influence this behavior. By examining gift-giving through the lens of narcissistic admiration and rivalry, the study sought to clarify how personality shapes the decisions and motivations behind giving.
“When I was growing up, there was someone in my extended family who routinely ignored my birthday,” Kirk told PsyPost. “In fact, he ignored all of our family members’ birthdays. Not a card, not a “happy birthday” mumble, and certainly not a gift, even if he was with us. On the other hand, he was a very socially adept person and never seemed to forget other birthdays that were important to him. Later in my life, I came to realize that he was probably high on the personality trait of narcissism.”
“As a consumer behavior researcher, I’m fascinated by what drives people’s purchasing behavior. I wondered whether this type of gift-giving behavior was something characteristic of narcissists, or if it was just unique to my relative. I approached my two colleagues, Constantine Sedikides from University of Southampton, and Julian Givi, from West Virginia University, and we decided to tackle this question together.”
Methodology and Findings from Three Pilot Studies and Six Main Studies
The researchers first conducted three pilot studies to explore how narcissistic admiration and rivalry influence gift-giving behaviors. The results provided initial evidence that admiration and rivalry diverge in their motivations and attitudes toward gift-giving. Kirk and her colleagues then conducted a series of six additional studies.
Study 1 used a preregistered design to test how admiration and rivalry influenced gift-giving behavior. Participants (N = 399) were asked if they would purchase a $25 Amazon gift card or fine crystal glasses as gifts for their best friend or keep the reward for themselves. The incentive-compatible setup included a lottery where a subset of participants’ choices was enacted, adding a behavioral component to the hypothetical scenario. Participants completed the Narcissistic Admiration and Rivalry Questionnaire (NARQ) afterward to assess their levels of admiration and rivalry.
The results confirmed that admiration and rivalry are associated with divergent gift-giving behaviors. Admirative individuals were more likely to give a gift to their best friend, whereas rivalrous individuals were less likely to do so. These patterns emerged consistently for both hypothetical and actual gift-giving decisions.
Next, the researchers tested gift-giving in a new context and ruled out self-esteem and socially desirable responding as alternative explanations. Participants (N = 200) imagined attending a dinner party and rated the likelihood of bringing a pot of plants as a gift. Two weeks before this survey, participants completed the NARQ, the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale, and an impression management scale. Regression analyses included these variables alongside admiration and rivalry to determine their unique contributions to gift-giving likelihood, and mediation analyses tested indirect effects through self-esteem or impression management.
Study 2 replicated the findings of Study 1 in a new context. Admiration was again positively, and rivalry negatively, associated with gift-giving likelihood. Importantly, self-esteem and socially desirable responding did not explain these relationships.
To examine the underlying motivations for narcissistic gift-giving, the researchers conducted a third study. Participants (N = 398) imagined giving a birthday gift to their best friend and rated their likelihood of doing so. They also completed measures of communal motivations (e.g., loyalty, love, and trust) and agentic motivations (e.g., showcasing status). Communal gift-giving motivation was tested as a mediator between narcissistic traits and gifting likelihood using Hayes’ PROCESS model.
The results demonstrated that admiration and rivalry influence gift-giving through differing communal motivations. Admiration was positively associated with communal motivations, such as valuing loyalty, love, and respect, which mediated the relationship between admiration and increased gift-giving likelihood.
Conversely, rivalry was negatively associated with communal motivations, fully mediating its negative relationship with gift-giving. These results suggest that admirative individuals are motivated by relational closeness and communal values, while rivalrous individuals reject these motivations, seeing gift-giving as a potential threat to their self-image.
Study 4 examined how social closeness influenced the relationship between rivalry and gift-giving. Participants (N = 402) imagined giving a gift to either a best friend (close) or a typical acquaintance (distant). They rated their likelihood of giving a gift and their perceived social connection to the recipient. Admiration, rivalry, and the interaction between rivalry and social closeness were tested as predictors of gifting likelihood. Regression analyses compared results across recipient closeness conditions to determine how social context affected rivalry’s impact.
The researchers found that participants were more likely to give gifts to a best friend than to a typical acquaintance, but rivalry negatively affected gift-giving in the context of close relationships. (For acquaintances, rivalry did not significantly influence gifting likelihood.) This finding indicates that rivalrous individuals perceive gift-giving to close others as a threat to their self-concept but feel less burdened by gifting in less personally significant contexts.
“Although I had had a personal experience with narcissism and gift-giving, I was still surprised to discover that there are people who intentionally ignore their best friend’s or close family member’s birthday,” Kirk said. “These rivalrous narcissists don’t want to feel close to others. They tend to push people away, and this is even shown in their approach to gifting.”
Study 5 investigated whether admiration’s link to gift-giving was moderated by the type of gift. Participants (N = 400) evaluated gifting fine crystal glasses, either standard or customized with the recipient’s initials, to their best friend. (A pretest confirmed the customized glasses were seen as more recipient-focused.)
The results highlighted that admirative individuals’ generosity is moderated by the nature of the gift. Admiration was positively associated with gift-giving likelihood for standard gifts but not for recipient-centric gifts, such as customized crystal glasses. This supports the idea that admirative individuals value gifts that promote their self-image, finding standard gifts more suitable for self-promotion.
“In needing to prove their generosity, narcissists driven by admiration are more likely to shower recipients with lots of gifts (‘love bombing’),” Kirk explained. “But these gifts are not intended to celebrate the recipient—they’re meant to show how great the giver is.”
Finally, Study SM1 addressed whether rivalry’s negative impact on gift-giving stemmed from fear of failure. Participants (N = 399) imagined giving a gift to their best friend with or without access to an Amazon wishlist. This setup controlled for uncertainty about the recipient’s preferences, a potential source of fear.
Access to an Amazon wishlist, which eliminated uncertainty about the recipient’s preferences, did not attenuate the negative relationship between rivalry and gifting likelihood. Admirative individuals were similarly unaffected by the presence of a gift registry, as their behavior was not motivated by alleviating fear of failure but rather by their self-promotion goals.
“Narcissists driven by rivalry are more likely to give a gift to an acquaintance than their best friend,” Kirk said. “We found that this isn’t because they’re afraid of ‘giving a bad gift.’ In fact, when presented with a wish list, ensuring their friend would like any item they selected, these narcissists still chose not to give a gift. So, not giving gifts to those closest to them allows these narcissists to avoid unwanted feelings of warmth and closeness.”
The Take Home Message: It’s About Them, Not You
Together, these studies provide robust evidence that admiration and rivalry represent distinct motivational pathways influencing gift-giving behavior. Admirative individuals are driven by communal motivations and opportunities for self-promotion, making them more generous, particularly with gifts that reflect well on them. Rivalrous individuals, on the other hand, view gift-giving as a threat to their self-concept and exhibit avoidance behaviors, especially in close relationships.
“When it comes to our research, ultimately, how narcissists give gifts is all about them,” Kirk told PsyPost. “It has nothing to do with you! For example, if someone showers or ‘love bombs’ you with presents this holiday season, you may have a narcissist driven by admiration on your hands. But don’t hold your breath for any thoughtful or personalized gifts—after all, how can they show off if the gift is all about you and not them?”
“On the other hand, if your narcissistic friend is surprisingly generous with an acquaintance but less inclined to give you a gift, you might be closer than you think!”
“The important thing to remember is that for your birthday or during the holidays, whether you receive lots of gifts or none at all, just know it’s not a reflection of you,” Kirk added. “The narcissist wasn’t even thinking of you, so try not to take it to heart!”
Looking Ahead
The research highlights how narcissistic traits influence gift-giving behavior in nuanced ways. But despite the robust findings, there are still limitations. The studies were conducted in the United States and United Kingdom, where gift-giving norms may differ from other cultures. Future research could explore whether these patterns hold across diverse cultural settings.
Future studies could also investigate how these findings apply in different relational contexts, such as romantic partnerships or parent-child dynamics, where gift-giving motivations may vary. Additionally, exploring the role of other personality traits, such as empathy or agreeableness, could provide a more nuanced understanding of the psychological factors influencing gift-giving.
“I have been interested in narcissism for a while, and this was my second project on narcissism in consumer behavior,” Kirk said. “I have several other projects already in the works with various wonderful coauthors, on gift-giving as well as other topics. So stay tuned!”
The study, “Just Because I’m Great (and You’re Not): When, Why, and How Narcissistic Individuals Give Gifts to Others,” was authored by Colleen P. Kirk, Constantine Sedikides, and Julian Givi.
