Individuals who use pornography solitarily and keep it secret from their partners tend to experience lower daily relationship satisfaction and intimacy, according to new research published in The Journal of Sex Research. However, when solitary pornography use is known by the partner, it isn’t significantly related the user’s relationship satisfaction, and may even be associated with increased intimacy over time.
For many couples, discussions about pornography use can be a sensitive and sometimes avoided topic. Prior research has shown mixed results regarding the effects of pornography on relationships. Some studies have suggested that it may lead to decreased intimacy or relationship dissatisfaction, while others have found no significant associations.
The researchers were motivated to understand how the secrecy surrounding solitary pornography use might influence relationship quality. While previous studies often focused on general pornography use within couples, this study delved into the nuanced differences between known and unknown pornography use. By examining these distinctions, the researchers aimed to provide a clearer picture of how this behavior affects relationships.
“Pornography use is a frequent sexual activity, including for individuals in a romantic relationship,” explained study author Marie-Pier Vaillancourt-Morel, an associate professor at the Université du Québec à Trois-Rivières and director of the Sexual and Intimate Life Research Lab.
“Even if we now have some good cross-sectional, daily, and longitudinal studies on the effect of pornography use on romantic relationship, results are still quite mixed. We thought about in which context pornography use could affect romantic relationship and the secrecy surrounding partners’ pornography use strikes us as a potential interesting context to explore.”
“Indeed, a person’s solitary pornography use may not always be known by their partner. Is it better to tell your partner about your pornography use or is it something personal that should not be disclosed? This is the main question we wanted to answer.”
The researchers conducted a comprehensive study involving 217 couples. These couples were recruited through online advertisements, email lists, and flyers distributed in Canadian cities between March 2017 and June 2018.
To be eligible for participation, both partners had to be at least 18 years old, cohabiting for a minimum of 12 months, and sexually active at least once a month for the past three months. Couples were disqualified if one partner was pregnant or breastfeeding, unable to understand either French or English, or reported that a severe mental/physical illness was interfering with their sexuality.
The study involved collecting data through daily diaries and longitudinal measures at three time points over a year. These measures allowed researchers to capture both daily fluctuations and long-term trends in relationship satisfaction and intimacy.
A significant proportion of participants reported only unknown solitary pornography use during the study period, indicating that many individuals do not disclose this behavior to their partners. The researchers also observed that many individuals exhibited substantial variation in whether their use was known or unknown by their partner, suggesting that disclosure often changes from day to day.
“In our sample among participants who used pornography during the 35 days of our daily diaries, 54% of women’s pornography use and 64% of men’s and non-binary individuals’ pornography use was unknown by their partner,” Vaillancourt-Morel told PsyPost. “Thus, most pornography use is not disclosed to a romantic partner, which was surprising as past studies showed that most women and men think their partners are honest and tell them about their pornography use.”
The researchers found that on days when individuals reported solitary pornography use unknown to their partner, they experienced lower relationship satisfaction and intimacy. This suggests that keeping this behavior a secret may negatively affect daily relationship quality. However, when individuals reported using pornography alone, and this behavior was known to their partner, it was unrelated to their own relationship satisfaction and intimacy.
When examining long-term associations, unknown solitary pornography use was linked to lower initial relationship satisfaction but did not significantly affect changes in satisfaction and intimacy over one year. Known solitary pornography use, on the other hand, was associated with increased intimacy over the same period.
The researchers also uncovered some partner effects. On days when men reported known solitary pornography use, their partners also reported lower intimacy levels on the same day. Furthermore, higher frequency of known solitary pornography use by individuals was related to a decrease in their partner’s intimacy over one year.
“Even when considering partner knowledge of solitary pornography, findings are still quite complex, but an important take away message is that on a day a person reported solitary pornography use that was unknown by their partner, they reported lower relationship satisfaction and intimacy,” Vaillancourt-Morel told PsyPost. “Thus, not telling their romantic partner about their pornography use was related to lower romantic relationship functioning, which suggest that it would be better to find a way to talk about each partner’s pornography use.”
While this study sheds light on the intricate dynamics of pornography use within relationships, it’s essential to acknowledge its limitations. The research relied on self-report measures, which may be subject to biases and social desirability. Additionally, the sample may not be fully representative of the general population, as it consisted of individuals who volunteered for sex research.
“Our findings talk about associations on the same day and over one year and are not about problematic pornography use (e.g., excessive use),” Vaillancourt-Morel explained. “There are still many unanswered questions to identify in which context pornography use may have negative effects on romantic relationships in order to help couples navigate their pornography use in a healthy way.”
“We also want to know more about how couples discuss their pornography and how the quality of communication about pornography use could help understand in which context pornography use may have negative effects on romantic relationships.”
Nonetheless, this study offers valuable insights for couples and therapists. It emphasizes the importance of open and honest communication between partners about pornography use. Establishing clear boundaries and expectations can help protect against potential negative effects, especially when solitary use is kept a secret.
“Each couple should decide if pornography use is acceptable within their romantic relationship and whether they want to talk about their pornography use,” Vaillancourt-Morel said.
“We are currently recruiting couples for an international study that examines similarities and differences in sexual interests among couples,” she added. “If you are in a romantic relationship of at least 6 months and at least 18 years of age or older, check bit.ly/tipurq. Compensation is offered for participating in the study!”
The study, “Partner Knowledge of Solitary Pornography Use: Daily and Longitudinal Associations with Relationship Quality“, was authored by Marie-Pier Vaillancourt-Morel, Natalie O. Rosen, Beáta BÅ‘the, and Sophie Bergeron.
