A recent study published in The Journal of Sex Research found that stronger attraction to a potential alternative partner (a “crush”) outside of one’s primary relationship was associated with lower relationship quality, but few participants acted on this attraction by becoming romantically or sexually involved with their crush. Decreased relationship quality was linked to a higher desire for infidelity and an increased likelihood of breaking up with the primary partner four months later.
Intimate relationships are valued for their contribution to personal happiness and well-being, with monogamy commonly upheld as a crucial component of these bonds. However, individuals in committed relationships often find themselves attracted to others outside of their primary partnership, posing a challenge to their exclusivity agreements.
While noticing attractive others is a natural and automatic process, acting on these attractions or allowing them to detract from the primary relationship can lead to decreased relationship satisfaction, potential infidelity, and breakups.
This study, conducted by Charlene F. Beluand and Lucia F. O’Sullivan, involved 542 adult participants aged 22–35 years from the US or Canada, who were in committed relationships for at least three months and had reported feeling attracted to someone outside their relationship. These participants were recruited through social media and crowdsourcing websites and completed two surveys, one at the beginning of the study and a follow-up four months later.
The surveys included measures on demographics, relationship characteristics, infidelity, characteristics of attraction towards an alternative, subjective opportunity for connection, relationship satisfaction, perceived quality of alternatives, investment in the relationship, commitment, sexual satisfaction, and relationship dissolution. Of the initial participants, 358 completed the follow-up survey, providing data on relationship quality over time and whether they engaged in infidelity with their primary crush.
About half of the participants had an agreement with their partners not to be attracted to others, yet most reported attractions to one or more individuals outside their primary relationship. These attractions were often not disclosed to their partners. Despite these attractions, participants generally did not see them as harmful to their relationships, with many not desiring any change in their feelings toward their crushes. However, attraction intensity was found to negatively affect relationship satisfaction and investment, and was positively associated with the perceived quality of alternatives.
Notably, a minority of participants experienced a breakup or engaged in infidelity related to their crush over the four-month study period, although a small percentage expressed a desire for infidelity if the opportunity arose. The study suggests that while attraction to others is common, its impact on relationship quality varies, with intense attractions potentially leading to negative outcomes such as decreased satisfaction, commitment, and ultimately, relationship dissolution or infidelity.
One limitation highlighted by the authors is the study’s reliance on data from only one partner in the relationship, which might not fully capture how extradyadic attractions influence relationship dynamics.
The study, “It’s Just a Little Crush: Attraction to an Alternative and Romantic Relationship Quality, Breakups and Infidelity”, was authored by Charlene F. Beluand and Lucia F. O’Sullivan.