How we perceive the time since our last sexual encounter is linked to our relationship and sexual satisfaction, as well as our sexual desire, according to new research published in Social Psychological and Personality Science. The findings indicate that when sexual experiences feel more distant, individuals report lower satisfaction and desire, although the actual time elapsed doesn’t necessarily change these feelings.
The inspiration for this study stemmed from a curiosity about how subjective time perception – how close or far an event feels regardless of actual time elapsed – influenced romantic couples. Prior research has shown that feeling positive events are closer in time and negative events are farther away boosts relationship satisfaction. The researchers speculated that this phenomenon could extend to sexual experiences within relationships, given that sexual frequency, though generally declining over time in a relationship, is closely linked to relationship contentment.
“We were aware of the research on subjective time more generally and how feeling that a specific event is closer or further away, regardless of how long it has actually been, is linked to well-being and motivation,” explained study author Amy Muise, an associate professor, York Research Chair, and director of the Sexual Health and Relationships Lab at York University. “For example, feeling that positive relationship events are closer in time and negative events are further away is associated with people’s higher relationship satisfaction. We thought this could apply to sexual experiences as well.”
The researchers conducted a series of three separate studies to examine the relationship between subjective perceptions of time since the last sexual encounter and its impact on relationship and sexual satisfaction, as well as sexual desire. Each study approached the topic from a different methodological angle.
In the first study, a cross-sectional approach was adopted, involving 254 participants in committed relationships. The study aimed to explore the associations between how long it had subjectively been since their last sexual encounter and their relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction, and desire.
To gauge this, participants responded to an online survey. They rated their perception of the time since their last sexual encounter on a scale, with options ranging from “Feels Very Close” to “Feels Very Distant.” Additionally, they reported the actual number of days since their last sexual encounter. Relationship satisfaction was measured using the Perceived Relationship Quality Component inventory, and sexual satisfaction and desire were assessed using the GMSEX scale and the Sexual Desire Inventory-2, respectively.
A longer subjective time since the last sexual encounter was associated with lower relationship and sexual satisfaction. This effect persisted even after accounting for the actual time elapsed since the last sexual encounter. Interestingly, the link between subjective time and relationship satisfaction seemed to be influenced by sexual satisfaction, as it became non-significant when sexual satisfaction was controlled for. Additionally, a longer subjective time since last sex correlated with lower sexual desire.
“People’s feelings about how long it has been since they last had sex with their partner are more important for satisfaction than how many days it has been since sex occurred,” Muise told PsyPost. “This means that in a relationship, partners might have different perspectives of the time since sex. For one partner having sex seven days ago might feel like it has been forever, but for the other partner, having sex seven days ago might feel like the last sexual experience is very close in time.”
“The subjective feeling of how long it has been is a stronger predictor than how long it has actually been, so partners need to discuss their expectations for how often they are interested in having sex to understand each other’s subjective feelings about sexual frequency.”
The second study took a more experimental approach, involving 693 participants. In this setup, individuals were randomly assigned to two groups: one where their last sexual encounter was made to feel closer and another where it was made to feel farther away. This manipulation was achieved by asking participants to indicate the timing of their last sexual encounter on a scale with differing time frames for each group.
Despite successfully altering participants’ perception of the recency of their last sexual encounter, Muise and her colleagues found no significant effects on relationship or sexual satisfaction. This suggests that while subjective time perception can be influenced experimentally, its impact on relationship and sexual satisfaction may not be straightforward and is influenced by other factors.
However, women in the group where sex was made to feel farther away reported lower sexual desire. This result suggests that subjective time might influence sexual desire differently across genders.
“Our experimental study in which we manipulated time since sex — we made people feel that their last sexual experience was closer versus further away — did not provide strong evidence that this manipulation shifted our key outcomes,” Muise said. “This means that we cannot say that changing people’s subjective feelings about the time since sex changes people’s sexual or relationship satisfaction, but that when people naturally feel that sex is closer versus further away, it is linked to their sexual satisfaction and desire.”
The third study expanded the scope by involving 242 participants (121 couples) in a 21-day daily experience study. This approach allowed for a more nuanced and real-life tracking of sexual experiences and their effects over time.
Each partner filled out daily surveys for 21 consecutive days, reporting on their subjective perception of the time since their last sexual encounter, relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction, and desire. They used similar scales to those in the first study for these measures.
The findings from this study were particularly insightful. When individuals felt that their last sexual encounter was subjectively farther away, they reported lower relationship and sexual satisfaction on that day. This effect was observed in both partners. However, feeling that sex was further away was linked to increased sexual desire the next day, suggesting a complex interplay between satisfaction, desire, and the subjective feeling of time since the last sexual encounter.
“We were intrigued by some of the findings in daily life,” Muise told PsyPost. “On days when sex feels farther away, people feel less satisfied with their sex life, but they have higher sexual desire the next day. This means that it is possible that when sex feels farther away, people are less satisfied, but also more interested in having sex. On days when people feel more sexually satisfied and have higher sexual desire, they feel like it has been longer since sex occurred, suggesting that when you are happy with your sex life and desire frequent sex it might feel harder to wait for the next sexual encounter with your partner.”
The three studies collectively suggest that the subjective perception of time since the last sexual encounter plays a significant role in relationship and sexual satisfaction, and desire. The nuanced findings, especially from Study 3, highlight the complexity of these associations and the need for further research to understand the underlying mechanisms and potential ways to optimize perceptions for improved relationship outcomes.
“One important caveat is that our key findings are from correlational work — from associations between subjective time since sex and people’s feelings about their sex life and relationships,” Muise said. “In one study, we followed couples for three weeks and recorded their sexual experiences and perceptions of time since sex, and it seems the associations are bi-directional, meaning that although subjective feelings about the time since sex on one day predicted sexual satisfaction and desire the next day, satisfaction and desire also predicted subjective feelings about the time since sex.”
“There is still more work to be done, but we think this set of studies suggests that we should consider people’s subjective experience of sexual frequency in relationships in addition to the objective frequency. One avenue for future research might involve investigating the factors that predict subjective time since sex. It is possible that finding ways to keep the most recent sexual experience feeling closer in time could help maintain sexual satisfaction.”
The study, “Does It Feel Like Yesterday or Like It’s Been Forever? Subjective Time Since Sex in Romantic Relationships“, was authored by Elysia Vaccarino, Stephanie Raposo, and Amy Muise.
