Parents’ insecure attachment styles linked to harsh discipline of children

A new study published in Family Relations highlights the connection between how parents relate to their romantic partners and how they discipline their young children. The researchers found that parents who feel insecure in their romantic relationships—either because they fear abandonment or prefer emotional distance—are more likely to use harsh discipline. This link is shaped by how confident parents feel in their parenting abilities and how well they can understand their children’s thoughts and feelings.

The researchers were interested in understanding why some parents are more likely than others to respond to their young children’s misbehavior with yelling, threats, or even physical punishment. Prior research has shown that harsh discipline is not only common—especially in early childhood—but also harmful. It can increase the risk of emotional and behavioral problems in children and lead to long-term mental health challenges. While most studies have focused on general stress or child behavior as causes, the new study aimed to dig deeper into the emotional roots of parenting practices—especially the influence of romantic attachment styles between parents.

“We noticed a growing severity of mental health problems among children and adolescents. Our clinical experience suggests that these issues may be related to parent-child relationships,” said study author Yili Wu, a professor and senior scientist at Wenzhou Medical University.

“Some problems can start in early childhood but become more evident during adolescence. For example, extensive evidence highlights that harsh parenting methods can lead to behavioral problems in children. Based on these well-established associations, we sought to explore further: if certain parenting strategies are known to be harmful, how can we prevent them or identify the risks in advance?”

“Therefore, we aimed to identify the factors that contribute to parents’ use of suboptimal behaviors, to understand how they are linked, and to determine whether we can recognize the risks in advance before they occur. Additionally, we’ve observed that the quality of parent’ intimate relationships, including their lack of security, can also impact parent-child relationships. Anxiety and avoidance in romantic attachment may shape emotional experience and behavioral styles in intimate partnerships, which in turn may extend to parent-child interactions.”

“Thus, we decided to investigate the relationship between romantic attachment and harsh parenting exists, as well as whether the two dimensions of romantic attachment (i.e., anxiety and avoidance) show different pathways to harsh discipline,” Wu explained.

Attachment anxiety refers to a tendency to worry about being rejected or unloved in close relationships. People high in attachment anxiety often seek excessive closeness and reassurance, and they may feel insecure or clingy. Attachment avoidance, on the other hand, involves discomfort with emotional intimacy and a preference for independence. Those high in avoidance tend to distrust others and keep their distance in relationships to protect themselves from vulnerability.

The researchers recruited 489 Chinese parents of children under the age of five. The majority were mothers (86.7%), with an average age of about 34 years. The participants completed a series of questionnaires assessing their romantic attachment style, how often they used harsh discipline, their capacity to understand their child’s thoughts and emotions, and how competent they felt as parents.

The study used two analytical approaches. The first focused on attachment as two continuous traits—anxiety and avoidance. The second grouped participants into three distinct attachment profiles: secure (low anxiety and avoidance), dismissive (high avoidance, average anxiety), and fearful (high in both anxiety and avoidance).

In the first analysis, the researchers found that parents high in attachment anxiety were more likely to use harsh discipline, and this link was explained in part by two factors: their difficulty in understanding their child’s mental experiences and their lack of confidence as parents. These two beliefs were linked in a chain, with low reflective functioning leading to reduced parenting confidence, and in turn, more harsh discipline.

On the other hand, parents high in attachment avoidance were also more likely to use harsh discipline, but in their case, only low parenting confidence explained the connection. In other words, anxious parents struggled with both understanding their child and believing in themselves, while avoidant parents primarily struggled with the latter.

“While both attachment anxiety and avoidance predicted harsh discipline, anxiety had a stronger total effect on harsh discipline, which is majorly mediated by impaired reflective functioning,” Wu told PsyPost.

In the second analysis, which examined distinct attachment profiles, a similar pattern emerged. Compared to securely attached parents, those in the dismissive and fearful groups showed higher use of harsh discipline. Again, this relationship was explained by both lower ability to understand their child’s mental state and lower parenting confidence. The fearful group, in particular, showed the strongest association with harsh discipline, and their beliefs about both the child and themselves played a major role in that link.

“Parents with high attachment anxiety are more likely to have reduced reflective functioning (briefly, the ability to reflect on a child’s emotions), which in turn lead to more use of harsh discipline,” Wu said. “In contrast, parents with high attachment avoidance are more likely to show reduced sense of competence as a parent, which in turn lead to more use of harsh discipline.

“It’s beneficial for parents to learn more about their own attachment styles and try to understand their child’s psychological world. Recognizing what truly benefits the child and what they really need can enhance parents’ sense of competence and contribute to better parenting dynamics. Also, strengthening reflective functioning and parental competence through interventions like parenting workshops may help reduce harsh discipline, especially for parents with insecure romantic attachment.”

However, the study does have some limitations. Because it was cross-sectional, it cannot prove cause and effect—only associations between variables. Additionally, the study focused on a relatively homogenous and well-educated sample from one region in China, which may not reflect the broader population.

“Harsh discipline carries distinct cultural meanings and manifestations in China (e.g., normalized as ‘tough love’) compared to Western societies,” Wu noted. “Thus, the mechanisms linking attachment to parenting may vary across cultures.”

Looking ahead, the researchers hope to build on this work by examining how parents’ mental health, emotional stability, and family relationships influence child development over time. Their goal is to create practical strategies that can help reduce harsh discipline, promote positive parenting, and support the healthy development of children.

“Our long-term goals for this research are to promote healthy child development and enhance family well-being,” Wu said. “We recognize that adolescent mental health is a significant concern, influenced not only by medical factors but also by parenting practices. To address this, our research focuses on several sequentially related key processes:
1. Individuals’ mental health and emotional stability.
2. Positive family relationships.
3. Optimal family functioning and parenting practices.
4. Healthy child development.”

“While the present study mainly focuses on the third goal (Optimal family functioning and parenting practices), we have also been actively involved in other areas beyond academic research. To promote individual mental health and emotional stability, we have operated a self-media account called ‘心理鸭Psyqualogy’ (Psychological duck), which uses psychological comics/illustrations to convey positive emotions, values, and insights into navigating intimate relationships in a light-hearted artistic way. Here is the link to the account: https://www.xiaohongshu.com/user/profile/63d76c0600000000260128b9.

The study, “Distinct mechanisms linking romantic attachment dimensions to harsh discipline among Chinese parents of young children,” was authored by Zhou Jin, Minjie Ye, Hui Lu, Lanyue Chen, Wenyue Chen, Hongsheng Yang, Lei Chang, Deborah Baofeng Wang, and Yili Wu.