The psychology behind “the ick”: Study links sudden dating turn-offs to narcissism and perfectionism

Why do some people experience a sudden, almost visceral repulsion toward a romantic partner—seemingly out of nowhere? A new study published in Personality and Individual Differences sheds light on this phenomenon, often called “the ick.” The research suggests that people who are more prone to disgust, who hold others to high standards, or who score higher in narcissism are more likely to experience the ick. Although often triggered by seemingly minor behaviors, the ick may reflect deeper psychological patterns that shape how people evaluate potential partners.

The researchers aimed to better understand what causes people to experience the ick, which has become a widely recognized concept in pop culture. From awkward gestures to quirky habits, the ick describes the sudden feeling of repulsion that leads people to want to end a romantic relationship—sometimes without a clear or logical reason. Despite its popularity on platforms like TikTok and in dating conversations, the psychological factors behind the ick have not been thoroughly studied. The research team sought to investigate whether personality traits such as disgust sensitivity, narcissism, and perfectionism help explain why some people are more prone to experiencing the ick than others.

“The ‘ick’ has become an increasingly prevalent topic over the last few decades. We found references to this phenomenon on social media and TV shows dating back to the mid 90s,” said study author Eliana Saunders, a graduate student at Azusa Pacific University.

“The researchers on this team have also heard it used in common conversation, which sparked interest. While we can’t say how long the phenomenon has been around, conversations about the ‘ick’ have definitely become more popular–especially in younger generations. Personally, I became interested in learning more about the ick when I heard that a friend of mine kept a running list on her phone notes app of every ick she’d ever experienced from a guy (it was several pages long).”

To begin, the researchers conducted a pilot analysis of the first 100 TikTok videos tagged with #theick. After filtering out unrelated content, they categorized the ick triggers shared in 86 videos—most of which described experiences from women. These triggers included behaviors like wearing awkward clothing, saying annoying phrases, or exhibiting socially embarrassing conduct. These categories formed the basis for a follow-up study, which examined how people react to different types of ick-inducing partner behavior.

In the main study, 125 single adults were recruited through Amazon’s Mechanical Turk platform. The final sample included 74 men and 51 women, ranging in age from 24 to 72. Participants were first asked if they had heard the term “the ick” and whether they had personally experienced it. They then rated the likelihood of experiencing the ick in response to specific behaviors, completed personality assessments, and answered questions about their dating experiences.

To measure disgust sensitivity, participants completed a scale assessing how easily they felt disgusted in general. Narcissism was measured using a questionnaire that presented forced-choice statements reflecting grandiose self-perception. To capture perfectionism directed toward others, participants responded to statements about holding high standards for the people in their lives. These three traits were then analyzed in relation to participants’ self-reported experiences with the ick.

The results revealed that 64 percent of participants had experienced the ick at some point. Women were significantly more likely than men to be familiar with the term and to report having felt it. While the number of times people reported experiencing the ick varied widely, most said it happened rarely or occasionally.

Interestingly, the ick led many participants to stop dating a partner—either immediately (26 percent) or later on (42 percent). Others (32 percent) continued the relationship despite feeling put off. Most people (92 percent) talked to someone else about their experience, often confiding in friends or family. Only a minority shared their feelings with the person who caused the ick.

“I thought it was surprising that about a quarter of participants reported ending a relationship immediately upon experiencing the ick,” Saunders told PsyPost. “As the ick increases in popularity, I’m curious if this number will rise or fall.”

While women were more likely than men to recognize and report the ick, there was no significant difference in how frequently they experienced it overall. Both genders reported similar average numbers of ick experiences. However, women and men differed in what triggered the ick for them. For example, women were more likely to be turned off by misogynistic behavior or annoying speech, while men were more sensitive to traits like vanity or “overly trendy” behavior.

Personality traits showed distinct patterns. Higher disgust sensitivity was associated with a greater likelihood of experiencing the ick in response to specific behaviors. However, it did not predict how often someone actually felt the ick. This suggests that people high in disgust sensitivity may react more strongly to individual triggers but do not necessarily experience the ick more frequently across partners.

Narcissism was also linked to the likelihood—but not the frequency—of experiencing the ick. People who scored higher in grandiose narcissism were more likely to react negatively to perceived imperfections, especially those that contradicted their idealized expectations of a partner. However, their ick reactions appeared selective, not routine.

By contrast, other-oriented perfectionism predicted both the likelihood and frequency of experiencing the ick. People who imposed high standards on others were more likely to report being put off by a wide range of partner behaviors, and they experienced the ick more often. Their rigid expectations may lead them to reject partners over relatively minor or superficial issues.

Additional analysis found that different traits were associated with different types of triggers. Among women, perfectionism and narcissism were linked to greater aversion to public embarrassment and physical appearance issues. Among men, disgust sensitivity was tied to speech habits and trendy behavior. These findings suggest that the ick may manifest in diverse ways depending on both gender and personality.

“I think one of the most important lessons a reader can take from our findings is that it’s important to take each ‘ick’ with a grain of salt,” Saunders said. “While this feeling of disgust could be a valid marker of mate incompatibility, it could also be a symptom of high sensitivity to disgust, narcissism, other-oriented perfectionism, etc. Before dumping a partner because their feet dangle when they sit in a chair, we should think critically about why we’re feeling ‘icked’ out. Ask yourself: Is this something I truly can’t deal with, or am I being overly critical? Is this ‘ick’ their fault, or is it mine?”

Although the study reveals meaningful associations, the researchers caution against overinterpreting the results. The sample size fell slightly below the threshold set by a power analysis, which may limit the ability to detect small effects. The study also relied on self-reported data from an online sample, which may not fully capture the nuances of romantic aversion in more long-term or diverse dating contexts.

The researchers note that it remains unclear whether experiencing the ick leads to better relationship decisions. While some ick responses may help people identify subtle signs of incompatibility—such as misogynistic behavior—others, like disliking how someone chases a ping pong ball, may reflect socially shaped aversions with little relevance to long-term compatibility. In this sense, the ick may sometimes help avoid mismatches but may also promote a rejection mindset that undermines dating success.

One avenue for future research is to explore whether repeated exposure to ick-related content on social media increases the likelihood of experiencing the ick. If people begin to adopt others’ aversions through social learning, it may lead to increasingly rigid rejection standards over time.

“It would be interesting to see if icks are rigid or socially malleable,” Saunders said. “If I consume media about others experiencing the ick, will I begin to experience it more? We’re also curious about how much/to what extent the ick could impact long-term relationship success. It would also be interesting to explore ick prevalence in more mature relationships–i.e. Do people still experience the ick with a partner they’ve been with for several years? How does that differ from the ick at the beginning of a relationship?”

The study, “The ick: Disgust sensitivity, narcissism, and perfectionism in mate choice thresholds,” was authored by Brian Collisson, Eliana Saunders, and Chloe Yin.