Boys and girls want different things from their friendships, according to a study published in the Journal of Early Adolescence. The findings revealed that girls place more importance on intimacy and support from their friends, while boys place more importance on enjoyment and companionship. Notably, these gender differences were most apparent among junior high schoolers compared to elementary students.
Friendships are a central part of childhood. Numerous studies have suggested that supportive friendships can buffer the effects of childhood stressors like bullying and family adversity. In light of the gender differences in male and female friendships, study authors Karen D. Rudolph and Jillian F. Dodson wondered whether there are gender differences in the characteristics that children look for in their friendships. These differences might impact the socioemotional support that boys and girls receive from their friends.
“Friendships serve as one of the most formative types of relationships across childhood and adolescence,” explained Rudolph, a psychology professor at University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign. “Whereas healthy friendships can provide a buffer against experiences of stress, unhealthy friendships can put youth at risk for psychological difficulties. However, the extent to which youth seek support from friends in times of stress and the effectiveness of this support depend on whether they are receiving the specific friendship provisions they value most.”
“We were interested in identifying which characteristics of friendships girls and boys value most, and whether these values change across a critical transition period from childhood to adolescence. Understanding these differences in friendship values can help adults understand how best to teach youth to develop close friendships and to use friendships as a resource for coping with stress.”
Evidence suggests that psychological provisions, like intimacy and support, are a stronger part of female friendships starting at a young age. For example, young girls spend more time in conversation (e.g., sharing secrets, self-disclosing) with their friends and tend to be more affectionate with their friends compared to boys. Recreational provisions, like companionship and enjoyment, may play a stronger role in male friendships, as young boys tend to engage in shared sports and activities more often than girls do. The researchers also tested whether these gender differences might intensify during adolescence when gender roles are reinforced through socialization.
The study authors recruited 73 elementary school children (average age of 10) and 80 junior high schoolers (average age of 12) from two schools in the Midwestern United States. The children answered a friendship values questionnaire that asked them to rate the extent that they valued certain characteristics within their friendships. These 18 characteristics centered on either psychological provisions (intimacy and support) or recreational provisions (companionship and enjoyment). The youth were also asked to choose the three provisions that they valued the most.
The findings revealed significant gender differences that were especially apparent among the junior high schoolers. For example, both junior high and elementary school boys rated enjoyment items (e.g., a friend to play games with at lunch) more highly than girls did. But only junior high boys were more likely than girls to choose an enjoyment item or a companionship item (e.g., a friend with shared hobbies and interests) as one of their most valued provisions.
Girls in junior high rated intimacy (e.g., a friend to make you feel better when upset) and support items (e.g., a friend to give you good advice) more highly compared to junior high boys and were also more likely to choose an intimacy item as a most valued provision. Notably, these differences were not apparent in elementary school kids.
“This study showed that differences in girls’ and boys’ friendship values increase from late childhood through early adolescence,” Rudolph told PsyPost. “Across this critical transition, girls generally begin to place more value on psychological provisions that fulfill emotional needs, such as providing and receiving support and developing intimacy, whereas boys generally begin to place more value on recreational provisions that fulfill tangible needs, such as sharing interests and enjoying each others’ company.
These gender differences in friendship values may have an impact on children’s socioemotional development. “Because both of these areas of focus in friendships can provide both opportunities and risks, it is important to consider whether developing more flexibility in friendship values may promote positive development in girls and boys,” Rudolph said.
If girls place a higher value on intimacy in their friendships, they will likely seek out closeness and emotional support in their friendships more than boys will. This increased intimacy may promote greater empathy and affective social competence, and provide girls with a support system to protect them from emotional distress. On the other hand, an emphasis on intimacy could also lead girls to become overly involved in each other’s problems, which could instead increase emotional distress.
Boys’ stronger tendency to seek companionship and enjoyment from their friendships might also bring about socioemotional benefits. For example, sharing activities with friends likely promotes a sense of belonging and comfort, and experiencing fun and enjoyment with friends likely increases positive affect. However, if enjoyment is valued at the expense of intimacy and support, this may lead boys to ignore rather than confront stressors.
Taken together, the results suggest that these different friendship values may involve trade-offs for socioemotional development. “These findings can inform efforts to improve youths’ friendships by helping adult socializers (e.g., parents, teachers, clinicians) teach youth how to seek and create friendships consistent with their values while also helping them to understand the advantages and pitfalls of different friendship provisions,” Rudolph and Dodson say. One avenue for future research is to explore how cultural circumstances might influence children’s friendship values by studying racially diverse samples.
“This study focused on a relatively homogeneous group of youth,” Rudolph said. “Friendship values, as well as the costs and benefits associated with certain types of friendships, may differ across youth from diverse groups, such as those from various racial groups or those with different gender identities. More research is needed to understand how valuing different provisions of friendships may promote or undermine different groups of children’s development across the school years.”
The study, “Gender Differences in Friendship Values: Intensification at Adolescence”, was authored by Karen D. Rudolph and Jillian F. Dodson.
