Where you flirt matters: New research shows setting shapes romantic success

Where a romantic interaction takes place may significantly influence how it is received. A study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that the perceived appropriateness of a setting shapes how likely people are to accept a relationship initiation attempt, regardless of who is doing the initiating or how attractive or familiar they are. Across five studies involving over a thousand participants, the researchers consistently found that settings judged as more socially appropriate for romantic advances led to higher reported likelihoods of success.

Generalized anxiety disorder and many psychological conditions are often studied in terms of internal traits or interpersonal dynamics. But this research shifts the focus to the physical and social environment in which interactions unfold. The authors, Katie N. Adams and Omri Gillath, sought to understand whether the setting—be it a bar, a workplace, or a funeral—could affect how people perceive romantic advances.

Past research has shown that context influences how behaviors are judged, but the role of setting in romantic initiation has rarely been explored systematically. The researchers aimed to fill this gap by examining not only which environments people consider appropriate for initiating romantic contact, but also how these settings interact with other factors like attractiveness, familiarity, and the nature of the proposition.

To begin, the researchers conducted an initial exploratory survey (Study 1a) in which 35 participants were asked to list places where they thought romantic initiations were appropriate or inappropriate. This produced a wide variety of responses, from expected places like dating apps and bars to less intuitive ones like grocery stores or public transportation. From this list, the researchers narrowed the locations down to 48 distinct settings.

In a follow-up study (Study 1b), another sample of 162 participants rated the appropriateness of each setting for romantic initiation on a five-point scale. This allowed the researchers to rank each location and group them into three categories: high, moderate, and low appropriateness. High-appropriateness settings included dating apps, bars, and private residences. Moderate settings included gyms, online gaming spaces, and sidewalks. Low-appropriateness settings included workplaces, doctor’s offices, and funerals.

The main experiment was conducted in three parts (Studies 2a–2c), each testing how the appropriateness of a setting affected the perceived success of a romantic initiation attempt. Each of these studies manipulated one additional variable alongside the setting: initiator attractiveness (Study 2a), initiator familiarity (Study 2b), and the explicitness of the romantic proposition (Study 2c). Participants were asked to imagine hypothetical scenarios in which someone approached them with a romantic interest in one of the selected settings. Then they rated how likely they would be to accept the proposition.

Study 2a examined the influence of initiator attractiveness. Participants were randomly assigned to read about either an attractive or unattractive person initiating contact in one of the 12 settings. Even though attractiveness increased the reported likelihood of accepting a proposition, this effect was moderated by the setting. Participants were significantly more likely to say they would respond positively to attractive initiators in high-appropriateness settings like bars, but this advantage disappeared in low-appropriateness settings like doctor’s offices or funerals.

Study 2b tested whether initiator familiarity played a role. Here, participants imagined being approached by either a close opposite-sex friend or a stranger. In general, familiarity had a modest influence on how initiations were received, but its effects also varied by setting. For instance, familiar initiators were rated less favorably in inappropriate settings, possibly because participants believed the initiator could have chosen a better time or place. Interestingly, women were less likely than men to respond positively to familiar initiators, possibly due to perceptions of boundary violations in friendship.

In Study 2c, the researchers manipulated the nature of the proposition itself. Participants read vignettes in which the initiator either invited them out to dinner (a less explicitly sexual invitation) or suggested coming over to their place (a more explicitly sexual one). Once again, setting played a consistent role. Participants were more likely to accept either type of proposition when it occurred in a high-appropriateness setting.

However, a significant three-way interaction between setting, proposition type, and participant gender emerged. Women showed a consistent preference for the less sexual invitation across all settings, with a steep decline in acceptance for more sexual propositions in low-appropriateness settings. Men’s responses also declined with setting inappropriateness, especially for more sexual propositions.

Across all three experimental studies, the perceived appropriateness of the setting emerged as a consistent predictor of initiation success, often stronger than the other variables manipulated. While attractiveness, familiarity, and proposition type did have effects, none of these factors were able to overcome the impact of being in a socially inappropriate setting.

The findings suggest that people use environmental cues to determine how to interpret and respond to social advances. Social scripts and cultural norms influence what kinds of behavior are considered acceptable in different locations. For example, romantic advances in a nightclub may be seen as normal, while the same approach in a doctor’s office may be perceived as intrusive or inappropriate, regardless of who initiates it.

One limitation of the study is its reliance on hypothetical scenarios. Participants were asked to imagine themselves in various settings and respond accordingly, which may not perfectly mirror how they would behave in real life. Additionally, the researchers used written descriptions to manipulate variables like attractiveness, which may be less effective than using photographs or other media. The participants were also predominantly recruited from a U.S. university and Amazon Mechanical Turk, which may limit the generalizability of the findings to other populations or cultures.

Future research could address these limitations by using virtual reality to simulate more realistic social environments or by conducting observational studies in real-world settings. It could also explore other dimensions of the environment that might affect relationship initiation, such as ambient noise, crowd density, or the presence of bystanders.

The study, “Setting Appropriateness and Romantic Relationship Initiation Success,” was published March 18, 2024.