Researchers pinpoint three distinct types of reactions to breakups

When faced with an unwanted breakup, most people respond with sadness, curiosity about the reasons, or attempts to move forward, according to new research published in Evolutionary Psychology.

Romantic relationships form a cornerstone of human experience, yet they often end—sometimes unexpectedly. Through the lens of evolutionary theory, researchers suggest that when one partner terminates a relationship the other hoped to maintain, the rejected partner experiences a “fitness cost.” This triggers emotional mechanisms that evolved to either salvage the relationship or prevent similar losses in the future.

Despite extensive research on rejection, scientists have lacked a comprehensive map of how people react when desirable relationships end. In a new study, Menelaos Apostolou and colleagues employed a mixed-methods approach to identify and categorize the full spectrum of emotional and behavioral responses to being left by a romantic partner.

The researchers conducted their investigation in two phases. First, they recruited 219 Greek-speaking adults online who responded to an open-ended question about how they would react if a partner ended a relationship they wanted to continue. After excluding participants without relationship experience, trained research assistants analyzed the responses and identified 79 distinct potential reactions.

In the second phase, a separate group of 442 Greek-speaking participants rated how likely they would be to engage in each of these 79 reactions using a 5-point scale. The researchers then used factor analysis to organize these reactions into broader categories and examined how demographic variables influenced response patterns.

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Their analysis revealed 13 major reaction types, including trying to change the partner’s mind, cutting all contact, acceptance, feeling depressed or sad, becoming aggressive, distracting oneself, revenge sex, asking why, seeking psychological help, becoming angry, threatening suicide, and spying on the partner. The most common anticipated reactions were feeling sad (92%), seeking explanations (85%), and attempting distraction (81%). More extreme responses like threatening suicide (2%) or becoming physically aggressive (4%) were rare.

Further analysis grouped these 13 categories into three overarching domains. “Accept and forget” emerged as the most commonly endorsed domain, encompassing strategies like severing contact or immersing oneself in work or hobbies. The “Sadness and depression” domain ranked second, including crying, feeling insecure, and seeking therapy. While least common, the “Physical and psychological aggression” domain still appeared in responses, covering reactions like anger, revenge sex, and self-harm threats.

The researchers found minimal gender differences, with men more likely than women to report they would seek revenge sex. Age played a more significant role—older participants tended toward acceptance, while younger ones more frequently anticipated trying to change their ex-partner’s mind or feelings of depression. Current relationship status did not significantly influence reported reactions.

Of note is that this sample consisted exclusively of Greek-speaking participants recruited through non-random methods, potentially limiting generalizability. Additionally, the study relied on hypothetical scenarios rather than documented experiences of actual breakups, which might create discrepancies between anticipated and actual behaviors.

The research, “How People React to the Termination of an Intimate Relationship: An Exploratory Mixed-Methods Study,” was authored by Menelaos Apostolou, Isaias Taliadoros, and Timo Juhani Lajunen.