Virtual “girlfriend experience” platforms may be booming because they give people easy, customizable access to intimacy in ways that speak to some of our deepest psychological drives for connection, attraction, and control. This is the argument at the heart of a new review published in Evolutionary Psychological Science.
Désirée Popelka and colleagues offer a broad theoretical account of how intimacy has transformed alongside technology. They trace the girlfriend experience (GFE) from in-person escort services to online platforms like OnlyFans and, more recently, AI companions. What unites all of these, across every era and format, is the simulation of a romantic relationship: emotional attention, conversation, the feeling of being valued by someone.
What shifts is how you access it. In-person GFE comes with real costs in money, effort, physical presence, and selectivity. Online versions strip away physical contact and scale up through subscriptions. AI companions go even further, offering interactions that are continuous, on-demand, and molded entirely around the user.
The authors argue that this progression matters because it lets people have something resembling a relationship while sidestepping most of what makes relationships hard, including rejection, conflict, and the need to compromise.
Central to their argument is the idea that virtual GFE plugs into several motivational systems that have been widely discussed in evolutionary psychology. These platforms tap into sexual novelty and variety-seeking by providing access to a range of partners and scenarios without any social fallout. They appeal to preferences for youth and physical attractiveness, since both OnlyFans content and AI companions tend to revolve around idealized partners. They also offer something that looks and feels like genuine companionship, with conversation, support, and a sense of being heard.
There’s also control. Users can steer the interaction, shape how a partner responds, and sidestep the uncertainty and risk of rejection that color real relationships. The authors argue that it is this combination of sexual, emotional, and control-related motives that helps explain the appeal of virtual GFE.
The paper also argues that these technologies alter the usual dynamics of mate selection. In everyday relationships, both partners choose each other, and access to desirable partners depends on social and personal factors. Digital platforms weaken these constraints. OnlyFans reduces barriers by making personalized attention more widely available. AI companions remove partner choice entirely by simulating a responsive partner who aligns with the user’s preferences. The authors suggest that this shift could influence how people evaluate partners and relationships, although they stress that direct evidence is still limited.
Another argument concerns the balance between wanting connection and wanting independence. The authors suggest that virtual GFE allows people to experience closeness without the obligations that come with real relationships. This may be especially relevant for individuals who are sensitive to rejection or who prefer predictable interactions. At the same time, they raise the possibility that repeated exposure to these low-effort interactions could make the demands of real relationships feel less appealing or more difficult to tolerate.
The authors emphasize that much of the current evidence is indirect or incomplete, and that many of their claims are intended to guide future research rather than settle existing debates.
Looking ahead, they outline several directions for research.
Does virtual GFE replace real relationships, or slot in alongside them? Do its effects on loneliness and well-being look different depending on the person? How does it shape expectations about partners, attachment styles, and responses to rejection? How do real-world partners feel about their significant others using AI companions; does it register as a kind of infidelity? And does the constant availability and personalization of these tools lend itself to compulsive use?
The broader goal is to get a clearer picture of what digitally mediated intimacy is doing to how we relate—to technology, to each other, and to ourselves.
This review “Outsourcing Love: an Evolutionary Approach to the Virtual Girlfriend Experience” was authored by Désirée Popelka, Renzo Bianchi, and Bruno Lemaitre.
