PsyPost’s PodWatch highlights interesting clips from recent podcasts related to psychology and neuroscience.
In a recent episode of the Huberman Lab podcast, released on Thursday, February 12, Dr. Andrew Huberman explores the biological and psychological roots of human connection. The episode, titled “Essentials: The Science of Love, Desire & Attachment,” examines how early life experiences and specific brain functions create the feelings of romance. Huberman breaks down the complex science behind why humans bond with certain people and how relationships either succeed or fail over time.
During the first five minutes of the broadcast, Huberman explains that adult romantic styles often mirror the emotional bond a person had with their caregivers as a toddler. He references the famous “Strange Situation Task” developed by psychologist Mary Ainsworth in the 1980s. In this experiment, researchers observed how children reacted when their parents left a room and subsequently returned.
Based on these reactions, researchers categorized children into groups such as securely attached or anxious-avoidant. Huberman notes that these early classifications are strong predictors of how individuals will behave in romantic partnerships later in life. However, he emphasizes that these emotional templates are not permanent and can change once a person understands them.
The discussion moves beyond psychology to look at the physical brain. Huberman clarifies that there is no single area in the brain responsible for creating the feeling of love. Instead, multiple brain regions work together in a coordinated sequence to produce the states of desire and attachment.
Around the ten-minute mark, the host details the specific chemical and electrical systems involved in bonding. He corrects a common misconception about dopamine, explaining that it is primarily a chemical for motivation and craving rather than just pleasure. This chemical acts as a currency in the brain that drives the pursuit of a partner.
A major component of connection is the neural circuit for empathy, which involves the prefrontal cortex and the insula. The insula is a region of the brain that helps people sense their own internal body state, a process known as interoception. This area allows individuals to pay attention to their own feelings while simultaneously reading the emotions of others.
Huberman introduces the concept of “positive delusion” as a requirement for long-term stability. This describes a mental state where a person believes that only their specific partner can make them feel a certain way. This unique biological bias helps maintain the bond between two people over time.
Huberman reviews research from the Gottman Lab at the University of Washington regarding relationship breakdown. The researchers identified four negative behaviors that predict failure: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. Stonewalling occurs when a listener withdraws from an interaction and stops responding to their partner.
Among these negative behaviors, contempt is identified as the most destructive force in a partnership. Huberman cites the researchers who describe contempt as the “sulfuric acid” of a relationship because it erodes the emotional bond. This hostility completely shuts down the empathy circuits required for connection.
