Why oversharing might be the smartest move for your career and relationships

PsyPost’s PodWatch highlights interesting clips from recent podcasts related to psychology and neuroscience.

In a recent episode of the Hidden Brain podcast titled “Coming Clean,” released on Monday, February 9, experts discussed the surprising power of vulnerability. Between the five and fifteen-minute marks of the broadcast, host Shankar Vedantam spoke with Harvard Business School psychologist Leslie John. They examined why admitting to our failures often yields better results than hiding them.

John described a common psychological phenomenon she calls the “disclosure hangover.” This is the sinking feeling of regret or anxiety that settles in the morning after you share a personal, embarrassing, or vulnerable story with colleagues. While many people worry that these moments destroy their professional image, John argues that these fears are often misplaced.

Research conducted by John indicates that calculated vulnerability can actually boost a leader’s standing. In one study involving a Google executive, the leader recorded a video introduction where he admitted he applied for roughly twenty jobs before landing his current role. Viewers trusted him more and expressed a greater willingness to work for him compared to when he hid this past failure.

The most significant finding from this experiment was that the executive’s perceived competence remained stable. Employees did not think he was less capable of doing his job simply because he struggled in the past. This evidence challenges the common belief that leaders must appear perfect to command respect.

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The episode also highlighted the experience of Dr. Anna Lembke, a psychiatrist at Stanford University who treats addiction. Lembke publicly shared her own personal struggle with a compulsive habit of reading graphic romance novels. Despite her fears that this would ruin her reputation, the admission made her appear more confident and relatable to her audience.

Beyond social benefits, there is a biological reason humans feel the urge to share personal details. John cited research by scientist Diana Tamir showing that self-disclosure activates the brain’s reward centers. Talking about oneself generates a neurological response similar to the pleasure derived from eating good food.

This biological drive aligns with a deep psychological need to be truly understood by others. The discussion noted that individuals, particularly those with low self-esteem, feel more secure when partners see them accurately rather than through an overly positive lens. Being known for who you really are provides a profound sense of relief.

While society often warns against sharing “too much information,” John suggests we should worry more about sharing too little. Authentic self-expression acts as a powerful tool for building trust. By letting down their guard, professionals and partners alike can foster stronger connections.