College students still follow familiar relationship paths despite dating app era, study finds

Despite widespread claims that dating is “broken,” a new study finds that college students’ perceptions of romantic relationship development have remained largely stable over the past decade. In both 2012 and 2022, young adults described a similar sequence of stages—from flirtation to commitment—even as the social landscape has shifted dramatically.

The study, published in the journal Personal Relationships, was led by Brian Ogolsky at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. The researchers aimed to understand how college students describe the initiation and progression of romantic relationships, and whether those descriptions have changed in response to cultural and technological shifts. To do this, they conducted two qualitative studies with students ten years apart, using open-ended surveys to map out perceived stages of relationship development.

The research was grounded in the idea that early relationships are not just important milestones in development, but also predictors of later relationship quality and well-being. Romantic experiences during emerging adulthood—particularly on college campuses—can influence long-term mental health, life satisfaction, and personal growth. Yet despite the explosion of digital dating platforms, changes in communication styles, and evolving attitudes toward marriage, it remained unclear whether young adults’ internal models of relationships had shifted as well.

“There is a lot of ‘clickbait’ on the internet about contemporary dating, so we wanted to see what students are really talking about. Dating is an important topic because the patterns we form in early relationships persist and help inform future relationships,” said Ogolsky, a professor and director of Graduate Programs.

To explore this, the research team collected data from two separate samples of college students enrolled at the same large Midwestern university. In the first study, conducted in 2012, 126 students aged 18 to 29 completed an online survey where they were asked to label and describe the typical phases of a romantic relationship. A second study, conducted from 2021 to 2022, used the same core question with 133 students, but included updated language to account for the COVID-19 pandemic. Participants described the stages they believed relationships typically follow, with no limit on the number or type of stages they could include.

The researchers used a qualitative coding approach to identify patterns in how participants described relationship development. Despite being a decade apart, both samples revealed a consistent set of four overarching stages: Flirtationship, Relationship Potential, In a Relationship, and Commitment or Bust.

The first stage, Flirtationship, included the initial attraction and early interactions—whether in-person or through digital platforms. This phase was marked by getting to know someone through communication, playful flirtation, and sometimes starting from a foundation of friendship. Notably, while some participants mentioned texting or social media, technology did not dominate their descriptions. In both samples, this stage centered on testing the waters and looking for signs of mutual interest.

The second stage, labeled Relationship Potential, involved more frequent and intentional time together, such as going on dates and spending quality time. This was the phase where emotional bonding began, but the relationship was not yet exclusive or “official.” Participants described this period as one of exploration, where they assessed compatibility and deepened their connection.

Stage three, In a Relationship, marked the point at which participants reported establishing exclusivity and applying labels such as boyfriend or girlfriend. This stage also included greater emotional and physical intimacy, as well as signs of long-term commitment. Interestingly, some notable differences emerged between the two samples in this stage. For example, participants in the 2012 study were more likely to mention engagement, while those in the 2022 study more often described moving in together. Additionally, the 2022 participants referred to integrating partners into broader social networks, rather than just introducing them to family—perhaps reflecting changing notions of what constitutes a “serious” relationship.

The final stage, Commitment or Bust, reflected a critical turning point where the future of the relationship was evaluated. Participants described either moving toward marriage or long-term commitment, or facing conflicts and deciding to break up. Conflict, disillusionment, and relationship obstacles were commonly mentioned in this stage, often as triggers for this final reckoning. The researchers noted that many students viewed this phase as a crossroads, where they must decide whether the relationship was truly built to last.

Although the same four stages appeared across both studies, the researchers found evidence that the number of distinct phases students reported has increased slightly over time. Students in 2022 described more nuanced and extended sequences, and were more likely to include mentions of conflict, cohabitation, and ambiguity about long-term outcomes. This shift may reflect broader social changes, such as the postponement of marriage, rising cohabitation rates, and more diverse views on romantic relationships.

Importantly, the study challenges the idea that digital technology has completely upended dating norms. While mobile apps and online communication are certainly part of the picture, the fundamental sequence students described—flirtation, dating, exclusivity, and either commitment or separation—has remained relatively consistent. The researchers suggest that young people may not see technology as radically reshaping their relationships, but rather as one of many tools used in familiar ways.

“The stability over time was surprising, as was the infrequency of mentions of technology,” Ogolsky told PsyPost.

But there were some signs of evolution in how relationships were conceptualized. For instance, students in the later study were more likely to refer to conversations about whether to define the relationship, rather than assuming a natural progression. They also described more flexible outcomes, with fewer references to engagement or marriage as the default endpoint. These subtle changes indicate that while the general structure of relationships remains familiar, the pathways people take through them are becoming more diverse.

“There is a lot of consistency in patterns of dating over the years with some variety in the language college students use to describe phases,” Ogolsky said. “We also see shifts in trends related to who daters talk to about their relationships and how they think about the future (e.g., cohabitation, marriage, or something else).”

The researchers noted some limitations. Both samples came from the same university, limiting the generalizability of the findings. Participants were mostly white and heterosexual, meaning that the study may not fully capture the experiences of more diverse or non-traditional relationship types. The open-ended nature of the survey also meant that some nuances may have been missed, and different coders worked on the two studies, which could introduce bias in interpretation.

Future research could explore how these perceived stages relate to actual behaviors or outcomes in relationships, and whether similar patterns emerge in more diverse populations. The researchers also suggest that better understanding how young people think about their relationships—especially in an era of rapid social change—can help improve relationship education and support services on college campuses.

The study, “The Progression of College Student Romantic Relationship Development: Stability and Change Over 10 Years,” was authored by Brian G. Ogolsky, Kiersten Dobson, Matthew Rivas-Koehl, Ghada Kawas, and Jennifer L. Hardesty