Encountering romantic temptation nudges men and women toward different types of purchases

When people in relationships are faced with romantic temptation from someone other than their partner, it can trigger a subtle shift in their spending habits. A new study published in Current Psychology found that men in this situation tend to favor experiences—like going to concerts or dining out—while women are more likely to choose tangible goods such as electronics or home decor. The researchers argue this is a way for people to enhance their image as a desirable partner, reaffirming their value within their existing relationship.

Romantic relationships often influence how people spend their money, from gift-giving to shared activities. Past research has shown that people use consumption not only to express love but also to maintain relationship harmony. But what happens when someone in a committed relationship feels attracted to another person? Such feelings can threaten the perceived integrity of the relationship and cause inner conflict. To resolve this tension, the researchers theorized that people might try to reaffirm their worth as a partner through specific types of purchases.

This idea stems from cognitive dissonance theory, which suggests that when people behave in ways that contradict their values—like feeling attracted to someone else while in a relationship—they are motivated to reduce the discomfort by reaffirming their self-image. In this context, the researchers predicted that men and women would try to project qualities traditionally valued in long-term partners: emotional warmth for men and practical support for women. These qualities, they suggested, could be communicated through consumption patterns.

The study included six separate investigations, each designed to test whether romantic alternatives influence preferences for different types of purchases among people in relationships. Across all studies, the participants were heterosexual individuals who identified as being in a romantic relationship.

In the first pilot study, researchers asked 150 participants to choose between a concert ticket (experiential) and a Bluetooth speaker (material) and then rate how much each purchase would make them seem emotionally warm or practically supportive. The results showed that men felt experiences made them seem more emotionally warm, while women felt material goods better reflected practical warmth.

Free daily newsletter

In Study 1a, 201 nonsingle participants were randomly assigned to imagine meeting either an attractive person (romantic alternative condition) or viewing apartments (control condition). Afterward, they chose between redeeming a gift voucher for an experience or a material good. Men in the romantic alternative condition preferred experiential purchases, while women preferred material ones.

Study 1b used the same setup but altered the framing of a Bluetooth speaker to emphasize either its experiential or material qualities. This design confirmed the pattern: romantic alternatives nudged men toward experiential consumption and women toward material goods.

In Study 2, the researchers introduced a group of single participants to examine whether the observed pattern was about attracting a new partner or maintaining an existing one. Only those in relationships showed shifts in purchase preferences when exposed to romantic alternatives, suggesting that the behavior was not about attracting someone new but reaffirming commitment.

Study 3 tested whether the romantic alternative scenario induced guilt and ruled out the possibility that participants were simply interested in forming new relationships. As expected, people in the romantic alternative condition reported higher levels of guilt about their current partner, especially among those who altered their spending patterns.

Finally, in Study 4, the researchers directly measured self-enhancement by asking participants to rate how good a partner they felt like after encountering a romantic alternative. As predicted, romantic temptation increased feelings of self-enhancement, and this in turn predicted whether participants chose an experience or a material good—again, depending on their gender.

Across all six studies, the findings were consistent. When people in relationships were reminded of a romantic alternative—whether by imagining an attractive date or seeing photos of desirable others—they felt more inclined to enhance their self-image. This self-enhancement was gender-specific in its expression.

Men were more likely to choose experiential purchases. Experiences like concerts, travel, or dining out carry emotional value and are often shared, making them effective for signaling warmth and emotional intimacy—traits that men may want to emphasize when reaffirming their desirability as partners.

Women, in contrast, leaned toward material purchases. Tangible goods are often durable, practical, and can reflect resourcefulness—qualities that women may seek to highlight to convey their value in a relationship. These differences align with broader social roles, where men are often expected to demonstrate emotional availability and women are expected to provide practical support.

Importantly, these patterns only emerged among participants in relationships, not singles. This finding strengthens the argument that the consumption shifts were part of a self-enhancement strategy related to relationship maintenance rather than mate attraction.

The researchers also found that the desire for a romantic alternative created psychological discomfort, particularly guilt. This guilt appeared to activate a need for self-affirmation, which then influenced purchasing behavior. Participants didn’t just want to distract themselves; they wanted to feel better about who they were as partners.

While the studies offered evidence for the link between romantic alternatives and consumption patterns, there are limitations to consider. First, the romantic alternatives were created through imagined scenarios rather than real-life situations. While effective in producing measurable effects, it’s unclear whether people would behave the same way in real-life encounters.

Another limitation is that the studies only included heterosexual participants and used gender as a binary variable. Future research could explore how people of diverse sexual orientations or gender identities respond to romantic alternatives and whether similar patterns hold.

Additionally, the study was conducted in China, where cultural norms about gender roles and relationships may differ from those in other parts of the world. The findings may not generalize to all populations. Social and economic changes, such as the increasing number of dual-income households, may also influence the way men and women engage in self-enhancement through consumption.

The study, “I am better when I am bad: effects of romantic alternatives on nonsingle men’s versus women’s experiential and material purchases,” was authored by Ting Xu and Rui Chen.