New research sheds light on how feeling forgiven by God shapes relationship repair

When people feel forgiven by a higher power for how they treat their romantic partner, they tend to be more willing to mend their relationship on that same day. This internal sense of spiritual grace is linked to a greater likelihood of making amends and extending forgiveness to a partner during minor everyday conflicts. These findings were published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

The concept of divine forgiveness is a foundational idea in many religious traditions around the world. For many individuals, believing that a higher power has absolved them of wrongdoing offers immense emotional relief and protects against psychological distress. Researchers note that people who report feeling a strong sense of divine forgiveness often experience less anxiety and depression overall. They also tend to report higher life satisfaction and personal optimism.

Historically, religious and theological teachings have connected the forgiveness received from God to the forgiveness people should offer one another. Psychological research has supported this connection, showing that people who generally feel forgiven by God are more likely to forgive others. Little is known, however, about how this dynamic plays out in the real-time, daily fluctuations of a romantic relationship.

Relationship conflicts are inevitable, and the ways couples navigate the aftermath dictate their long-term relational health. Most existing psychological research on the subject asks participants to recall a past conflict and reflect on their behavior. This approach is highly prone to memory bias.

Participants are also susceptible to answering in ways that make themselves look socially acceptable. This retrospective method also tends to frame conflicts as a simple dynamic where one person is solely the victim and the other is the transgressor, completely missing the reciprocal nature of most romantic disputes.

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To overcome these limitations, a team of psychologists set out to construct a study that captured relationship dynamics as they unfolded naturally. Ashley Tudder, a psychologist at West Chester University, led the study alongside Frank Fincham from Florida State University. They wanted to understand whether daily shifts in how much a person feels forgiven by God alter how they behave toward their partner after an argument.

To test these dynamics, Tudder and Fincham recruited 82 cohabiting couples who were in different-gender relationships. The vast majority of the couples were married, and all participants believed in God or a higher power. Over a two-week period, the researchers asked both members of the couple to independently complete a daily survey each evening. The team specifically required that all participants complete their surveys independently to prevent couples from discussing their answers before the data could be recorded.

If a participant reported having a negative interaction with their partner that day, they answered questions about how they responded. The survey asked participants to rate the severity of the conflict. It also asked them to rate how strongly they believed God had forgiven them for how they treated their partner that day.

The researchers then asked participants to report their own levels of interpersonal forgiveness, anger, and actions taken to make amends. Amends in this context involve concrete reparative behaviors, such as offering an explicit apology, changing a bothersome habit, or taking steps to rebuild closeness with the partner. Because the team surveyed both partners, they could also ask each individual to rate their partner’s actions and emotions, acting as an empirical check against self-reporting bias.

The researchers structured their analysis to look at the data in two different ways. First, they looked at daily fluctuations, which compare a person’s behavior on a specific day to their own baseline average over the two weeks. Second, they looked at individual differences, which compare the baseline averages of different participants to one another.

Looking at the daily fluctuations, the researchers observed a distinct pattern on the days a conflict occurred. On days when an individual reported feeling a higher level of divine forgiveness than their usual average, they also reported making more amends for their own behavior. They also reported feeling more forgiving toward their partner on those specific days.

These daily, internal shifts toward relational repair were consistent for both men and women. Forgiveness and making amends are central to resolving disputes, meaning that this spiritual perception might act as an emotional resource. When people feel accepted by a higher power despite their own flaws, they may find it easier to approach their partner with humility and accountability.

There were limits to the effects of these daily fluctuations. While individuals reported behaving more positively on days they felt strong divine forgiveness, their partners did not consistently endorse these changes on the exact same day. The supportive effects of daily divine forgiveness also did not seem to carry over to the next day.

The picture changed slightly when the researchers analyzed the stable, average traits across the full two weeks. Women who reported consistently high levels of divine forgiveness overall reported making a greater number of total amends for their behavior. Men who experienced consistently high divine forgiveness reported being more forgiving of their partners overall.

Unlike the daily fluctuations, these trait-level differences were actively noticed by the partners. Men reported that their partners made more amends, and women reported that their partners were more forgiving. The positive impacts of stable divine forgiveness extended beyond the day of the argument, meaning they were observable the day following a conflict as well.

The researchers found mixed results regarding negative emotions. They expected that feeling forgiven by God would correspond with a reduction in anger toward a partner. The data showed that reports of divine forgiveness were not associated with any internal reduction in self-reported anger.

In some instances, women who reported high average levels of divine forgiveness were perceived as angrier by their partners on days of conflict. The researchers theorize that these women might communicate their grievances more directly, prompting their partners to interpret the behavior as anger rather than conflict resolution.

The authors note that the conflicts reported by the couples during the study were relatively mild. Typical domestic disputes may simply require less emotional effort to resolve than major transgressions. It remains unknown if perceptions of divine forgiveness provide similar benefits during severe relationship crises, such as infidelity. Because severe betrayals often take months to navigate, the psychological processes involved are likely distinct from those used to repair mild daily annoyances.

The observational nature of diary studies prevents researchers from firmly establishing cause and effect. It is possible that some unmeasured relational factor drives both the feeling of divine grace and the willingness to make amends. Additional limitations involve the specific demographic makeup of the participant pool. The sample was relatively homogenous, consisting mostly of white, cisgender, heterosexual couples who identified primarily as Christian.

The researchers point out that different religious traditions carry distinct theological views. Some traditions view spiritual forgiveness as an unconditional guarantee, while others tie it to specific practices like confession or active repentance. These subtle variations in belief might alter how a person relates to their partner after a fight.

The researchers suggest that future studies should explore how these doctrinal nuances influence romantic relationships in diverse cultural groups. Investigating these patterns in couples from different socioeconomic backgrounds and sexual orientations is also a necessary next step to fully understand how spiritual beliefs shape romantic conflict.

The study, “Between- and within-person effects of divine forgiveness: A dyadic, longitudinal examination in romantic relationship conflicts,” was authored by Ashley Tudder and Frank D. Fincham.