Lonely individuals tend to view themselves as a burden to others

A new study published in Psychophysiology sheds light on how people experiencing loneliness tend to view their own contributions to relationships more negatively, particularly with family. The findings suggest that a person’s resting heart function — specifically high-frequency heart rate variability — might slightly buffer these self-critical perceptions, indicating a potential physiological mechanism that supports social resilience.

Loneliness is often misunderstood as simply being alone. In reality, it refers to the subjective feeling that one’s social relationships are lacking in quality or quantity. A person can be surrounded by others and still feel lonely if those interactions do not feel meaningful. In contrast, social isolation is an objective state defined by having few social contacts, which may or may not be distressing.

Loneliness acts as a psychological alarm, signaling a perceived loss or threat to social connection. This feeling tends to ramp up attention to social cues, especially those signaling rejection or conflict. For some, this heightened sensitivity may help guide reconnection efforts. For others, however, it can spiral into withdrawal and further alienation.

Although loneliness has been consistently linked to poor mental and physical health, not everyone responds to it in the same way. Some people seem to navigate loneliness without falling into persistent patterns of distress. The researchers behind this study were interested in understanding what might explain this variability — particularly how people perceive their own social behavior.

“Loneliness and social support are often looked at in terms of what a person receives from others, but we were curious whether, when people feel lonely, they also see themselves as giving less to their relationships. Could a negative perception of your own ability to engage in close relationships contribute to developing prolonged loneliness?” said Emily Kent, a teaching fellow in the social sciences at the University of Chicago.

Rather than focus on how lonely individuals judge others, this study explored how they judge themselves — especially their own tendency to be supportive or to cause strain in their close relationships. The researchers also investigated whether a biological marker of emotional flexibility, known as high-frequency heart rate variability, helps moderate these perceptions.

High-frequency heart rate variability refers to the variation in time between heartbeats that is regulated by the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system. This system helps the body relax and maintain internal balance. Greater variability in this measure tends to indicate a stronger ability to adapt emotionally and socially. In past research, individuals with higher resting variability have shown better emotion regulation, stronger social skills, and greater resilience to stress.

The researchers analyzed data from 824 participants in the Midlife Development in the United States (MIDUS) study, a long-running project tracking health and psychological outcomes in American adults. Participants had completed assessments of loneliness, and they also rated how much support or strain they believed they contributed to their relationships with friends and family. These assessments asked how often they felt they were helpful or burdensome to others.

Importantly, each participant also underwent a psychophysiological evaluation during which their resting heart rate variability was recorded using electrocardiography. The researchers focused on high-frequency heart rate variability, considered a specific measure of parasympathetic nervous system activity.

“With this study, we were excited to explore the idea that loneliness might not just change how people feel about others, but also how they see what they offer socially,” Kent told PsyPost. “The MIDUS dataset gave us the opportunity to test that idea in a large, real-world sample and explore whether individual differences in physiological flexibility (HF‑HRV) might help buffer those effects.”

The analysis indicated that individuals who reported greater feelings of loneliness also tended to see themselves as offering less support and causing more strain in both friend and family relationships.

“One thing that was really striking was how consistent the relationship between loneliness and negative self-perception was across different types of relationships,” Kent said. “It became clear that, whether it’s friends or family, loneliness was strongly linked to feeling like you give less support and contribute more strain.”

But the researchers were especially interested in whether heart rate variability might play a role in how people interpret their own behavior. They found tentative evidence that this physiological trait slightly influenced the link between loneliness and perceived strain in family relationships. Among those with lower resting heart rate variability, the connection between loneliness and feeling like a burden to family was stronger. In contrast, people with higher resting variability showed a weaker link between loneliness and these self-critical perceptions.

This buffering effect did not appear in evaluations of friendships or in perceptions of how much support the individual believed they provided, suggesting that the influence of heart function may be specific to certain types of self-evaluations or relationships.

“We were somewhat surprised to find that resting HF-HRV (our measure of physiological flexibility) only moderated this effect in family relationships and not friendships,” Kent remarked. “That suggests there may be more nuance in how these relationship types function and how sensitive they are to our internal regulation processes.”

The findings suggest that loneliness not only affects how people view others, but also how they view themselves — especially in the context of their relationships. The small but meaningful role of heart rate variability points to a potential physiological factor that influences how loneliness is processed.

“Loneliness isn’t just about what support or strain you get from other people – it’s also about how you see yourself and your confidence in your ability to connect,” Kent told PsyPost. “If you feel lonely, you might be more likely to see yourself as burdensome or believe you have little to offer friends and family. Whether or not this lines up with reality, that kind of persistent negative self-view can increase feelings of disconnection. Lonely people may withdraw not just because others are pulling away, but because they feel incapable of contributing, creating a self-fulfilling cycle of further isolation.”

“Our study found that people with greater physiological flexibility (reflected in better regulation of their body’s stress response) were less likely to hold these negative views of themselves when thinking about family relationships. Strategies like self-compassion, cognitive reframing, and emotion regulation practices that support physiological regulation may help people recognize these thought patterns and break the cycle.”

While the study adds to the growing understanding of how loneliness affects self-perception, it is not without limitations. One key issue is that the data are cross-sectional, meaning all measurements were taken at a single point in time. This makes it impossible to say whether loneliness causes changes in self-perception or whether negative self-perceptions drive loneliness.

Another limitation is that the study relies on self-report measures. Although these perceptions may not reflect objective reality, they still tend to shape behavior — especially in the social realm. Someone who feels they are a burden may avoid contact with others, regardless of whether others actually view them that way.

The physiological effects observed were also modest and specific to family relationships. The researchers caution against overinterpreting the heart rate variability findings without replication. They emphasize the need for future studies that track individuals over time to determine whether heart function helps predict long-term outcomes in social health and loneliness recovery.

There are also open questions about how cultural factors and age-related changes might influence the findings. The MIDUS sample consisted largely of middle-aged and older adults. It’s unclear whether younger individuals — or those embedded in different cultural norms about family support — would show the same patterns.

“Our long-term goal is to better understand the factors, including individual differences like self-perception, that contribute to variability in how people respond to loneliness,” Kent explained. “We hope to take a longitudinal approach and follow individuals over time to see how these self-views develop and change, and whether they predict who is more resilient to isolation or better able to reconnect socially.”

The study, “Loneliness Is Associated With Decreased Support and Increased Strain Given in Social Relationships,” was authored by Emily M Kent, Anita Restrepo, Kelly E. Faig, Sabina Raja, Stephanie J. Dimitroff, Karen E. Smith, and Greg J. Norman.