New psychology research shows expectations about romance predict your singlehood satisfaction

A recent study published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin provides evidence that the way single people think about romantic relationships is related to how happy they are being single. Scientists found that single individuals who expect high levels of intimacy from a relationship tend to desire a partner more and are more likely to eventually enter a satisfying romance. On the other hand, expecting negative relationship experiences tends to keep people single, suggesting that an individual’s personal image of partnership heavily influences their romantic future.

Singlehood has become an increasingly common lifestyle choice worldwide. As a result, scientists have begun paying closer attention to the factors that make single life fulfilling. Most previous work has focused on the direct experiences of singlehood, such as a person’s friendships, family connections, and sexual relationships. But little attention has been given to how single people view the alternative path of entering a romantic partnership.

“Singlehood is becoming increasingly common across the world, and a growing body of research has begun to examine what makes singlehood satisfying, mostly focusing on what single life itself is like (e.g., how are your friendships?)” said Tayler Wells, a PhD student at the University of Toronto. “However, little work has considered how thinking about the alternative (being in a romantic relationship) might affect experiences in singlehood. Because singles are surrounded by people in relationships, are exposed to messages about the value of partnership, and have often been partnered themselves, they likely have formed expectations about what relationships are like, and these expectations may impact well-being in singlehood.”

To explore these ideas, the researchers analyzed data from the German Family Panel, a large longitudinal study that tracks relationship and family dynamics over time. Longitudinal studies collect data from the same participants at multiple points in time, allowing scientists to observe how variables change. The authors focused on 5,113 participants who were single during their first interview. Data collection spanned six alternating waves over several years.

Participants reported their sex, age, and sexual orientation. The survey also measured their relationship expectations. This included asking how much they expected to participate in activities with a partner, receive affection, gain social status, or achieve financial advantages. Participants also rated negative expectations, such as the fear of becoming bored, facing stress, or feeling limited by a romantic partner.

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The researchers asked participants how satisfied they were with their singlehood and whether they desired a partner. As time went on, the team tracked whether participants remained single or entered a relationship. For those who did find a partner, the survey measured their overall relationship satisfaction.

The findings suggest that single women and men view the prospect of romantic partnership differently. Women reported expecting higher levels of intimacy from a relationship, but they also expected more negative outcomes, such as feeling burdened or restricted. Men, on the other hand, were more likely to expect a boost in their social or financial status upon entering a relationship.

“Prior research suggests that women tend to be happier in singlehood than men, so it made sense that women reported higher negative expectations than men,” Wells said. “However, I didn’t expect that women would also report higher intimacy expectations. Together, these findings suggest that women may hold mixed expectations, viewing relationships as potentially stressful or limiting, but also as sources of affection and companionship. Given all the discourse about women being the happier singles, this might help us understand why so many women are still drawn to partnership.”

When looking at overall well-being, the data showed that individuals who held higher expectations for intimacy were less satisfied with being single. These individuals also reported a stronger desire to find a partner. As time passed, those with high intimacy expectations were less likely to remain single. When they did enter a romantic relationship, they tended to feel more satisfied with their new partner.

“Expectations matter! When you’re single, your expectations about romantic relationships may have important implications for how satisfied you are with singlehood and how much you want a romantic partner,” Wells explained. “For example, if you expect relationships to offer affection, security, and companionship, you may be less satisfied with being single and want to enter a relationship. In our data, we also found that singles holding these expectations were also more likely to actually enter relationships in the future and feel satisfied in these relationships.”

On the negative side, having pessimistic views about partnership provided little long-term benefit for singlehood satisfaction. When participants had a temporary spike in negative expectations, they reported a slight increase in their satisfaction with being single. But holding consistently negative expectations did not translate to higher overall happiness with singlehood.

“I was also surprised that having more negative expectations about partnership wasn’t more strongly linked with being happier in singlehood,” Wells noted. “It’s very common in singlehood spaces to talk about the downsides of relationships and how singlehood may be better in comparison, so I thought that might be reflected in these expectations.”

Continuing her thought, Wells said, “Specifically, I thought singles with more negative expectations would feel more satisfied with being single – if the alternative is viewed negatively, wouldn’t your current situation seem more ideal? However, we don’t find a lot of evidence that supports this. In waves when participants reported higher negative expectations than usual for them, they did report slightly higher satisfaction with singlehood and lower desire for a relationship, so these more negative evaluations may provide a bit of a temporary boost but may not be effective as a long-term strategy.”

Even so, negative expectations do shape romantic trajectories. “Interestingly, singles that expected relationships to be more negative (e.g., boring, stressful, and limiting) didn’t report more or less satisfaction with being single or desire for a partner compared to singles with less negative expectations,” Wells said.

“However, singles who expected a more negative relational experience were less likely to enter a relationship in the future and, if they did enter a relationship, they reported lower satisfaction. So, even if negative expectations don’t have a large impact on experiences in singlehood, they may help singles accurately foresee that relationships may not be for them.”

As with all research, there are some limitations. The data comes from a specific sample of mostly young German singles, meaning the findings might not apply to older adults or people from different cultural backgrounds. In addition, the survey only recorded whether participants had previously been married, without asking about their broader dating history. A person’s past experiences with casual dating or long-term partnerships likely shape their current expectations.

“In this study, the data we used only collected information about whether participants had previously been married, not their broader dating history,” Wells said. “Singles who have had previous experience in dating relationships may have different expectations than those without any prior romantic experiences. In addition, our participants are relatively young German singles, so it’s important to keep in mind that these findings may not replicate in other contexts.”

Highlighting another limitation, Wells added, “Although more and more young adults are identifying as single, so too are older adults. Older adults may have very different expectations about relationships, considering they may have different personal experiences. Future research investigating these individual differences would help us understand more about the role expectations play in shaping experiences in singlehood.”

The researchers also pointed out that they cannot establish cause and effect. A self-fulfilling prophecy occurs when a person’s belief about a situation influences their behavior in a way that causes the belief to come true. Because this study observed trends over time, scientists cannot say for certain if expectations directly cause these relational outcomes.

“Finally, we don’t know why expectations have these effects,” Wells stated. “Do people have a highly accurate understanding of what partnership will be like for them, or are these self-fulfilling prophecies such that their partnership experiences would be different if they started them with a different mindset? We can’t judge that from our data.”

Moving forward, the research team hopes to explore the origins of these romantic beliefs. “Now that we understand more about single people’s expectations about relationships, I’m curious to explore where these expectations come from,” Wells said. “Past romantic experiences may be particularly informative. For instance, if you were previously in a relationship that offered a high level of affection and security, you may expect that from future relationships. But especially among singles who have never partnered, other sources are likely influential, such as the media or others’ experiences, such as parents or friends.”

The study, “Happily Ever After? Singles’ Expectations of Romantic Relationships Are Associated With Singlehood Satisfaction and Future Romantic Outcomes,” was authored by Tayler Wells, Elaine Hoan, and Geoff MacDonald.