New study highlights key differences in how relationship dynamics relate to sexual desire in men and women

The assumption that men’s interest in sex is purely physical and always switched on is a common cultural stereotype, but recent evidence indicates that men’s sexual desire is actually quite complex. A new study published in Psychology & Sexuality suggests that when men feel a sense of fairness and emotional satisfaction in their intimate relationships, their interest in solitary sexual activities tends to decrease, even though their desire for sex with a partner remains unaffected. The findings point toward a more nuanced understanding of how modern relationship dynamics influence male sexuality.

Historically, the scientific and medical communities have treated male sexuality as a straightforward biological mechanism. For example, a 2019 review noted that researchers have traditionally viewed men’s sexual desire as a simple, mostly physical reflex, focusing heavily on bodily functions like erectile response or testosterone levels. This approach leaves little room for understanding how a man’s emotions, relationship quality, or social environment might shape his interest in sex.

“Essentially, we felt there was a need to explore male desire as there is an assumption that men ‘must always’ want to have sex,” Simone Buzwell, a senior lecturer in the Department of Psychological Sciences at Swinburne University of Technology, told PsyPost. “However, we know from our work with male clients this is not the case, and many men struggle with lower levels of desire than they, or their partners, are happy with. We thought it was time to destigmatize something (low male desire) that many men struggle with.”

To address similar gaps in understanding women’s sexuality, a 2018 framework proposed that sexual desire is deeply tied to emotional and relational experiences rather than just biology. This relational perspective splits sexual desire into two distinct categories. The first is dyadic desire, which is the motivation to engage in sexual acts with a partner. The second is solitary desire, which represents the interest in sexual behavior by oneself, such as masturbation.

Applying this two-part definition to relationships yields interesting patterns. For instance, a study covered by PsyPost in 2022 showed that women in fairer relationships reported higher relationship satisfaction, which in turn predicted a stronger desire for sex with their partners. Relationship fairness, or balance, refers to how equally couples share power, household chores, and emotional support.

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The current research aimed to see if these same relational dynamics apply to men. “We were motivated to do this study as I had been exploring female sexual desire and I wanted to find out if factors that impacted female sexual desire also impacted men,” Buzwell explained. “While understanding the factors themselves are helpful for knowing what to target for educational strategies and therapy, if the factors differed between man and women, this could impact sexual communication and relationship harmony.”

To investigate this, the researchers collected data from an online survey of 118 cisgender men living in Australia. The participants ranged in age from 18 to 39, with an average age of 28. Most of the men identified as heterosexual, were currently in a relationship, and did not have children.

The survey asked participants to report their levels of both dyadic and solitary sexual desire over the past month. For dyadic desire, this included rating the frequency of sexual thoughts involving a partner. For solitary desire, the men rated the strength of their desire to engage in sexual behavior by themselves.

The men also answered questions about how power and responsibilities were divided in their relationships, allowing the researchers to categorize them into two groups. Out of the 118 men, 101 reported an equal balance of power, while 17 reported an unequal balance where either they or their partner held more control. The participants then completed a measure of relationship satisfaction, rating things like emotional intimacy and communication.

Finally, the participants filled out a questionnaire assessing their adherence to traditional masculinity norms. This measured how strongly they agreed with social expectations that men should be self-reliant, restrict their emotions, possess mechanical skills, and prioritize sexual dominance.

When the researchers analyzed the data, they found that relationship fairness did not appear to impact a man’s desire for partnered sex. There was no direct or indirect link between relationship balance, relationship satisfaction, and dyadic sexual desire. This is a distinct departure from previous findings in women, where relationship fairness boosted partnered desire.

“What people can take away from the study is relationship factors do not impact on men’s sexual desire in the same way as female sexual desire,” Buzwell said. “This suggests, for men, their dyadic desire may rely more on physiological needs rather than emotional ones. Generally for men, the state of the relationship did not change how sexy they found their partner.”

Instead, the primary factor associated with dyadic desire in this sample was masculinity. Men who scored higher on traditional masculine beliefs reported a stronger desire for sex with a partner. The researchers suggest that social scripts surrounding masculinity might encourage men to focus outward on sexual initiation and partner-seeking behaviors as a way to fulfill expected gender roles.

“We also found that men in more unequal relationships (where one partner had more relationship power than the other) reported higher masculinity,” Buzwell pointed out. “Further, high masculinity led to greater dyadic desire, i.e. desire for sex with a partner, but had no impact on solo desire. So feeling masculine only seems ‘sexy’ when with another and is wasted when alone.”

However, relationship dynamics did play a role in men’s solitary desire. The men who reported equal relationship balance also reported much higher relationship satisfaction. This increased satisfaction, in turn, predicted lower levels of solitary sexual desire. In other words, when men felt happy and equal in their partnerships, their interest in solitary sexual activities decreased.

“When men were satisfied with their relationship and felt their relationship was equitable, their solo desire decreased, so they felt less need to self-satisfy,” Buzwell explained. “This also implies that when men are unhappy in their relationship they turn their focus inwards onto their own sexual needs, rather than try to find sexual satisfaction with their partner.”

The study also highlighted a few other interesting patterns. Heterosexual men reported higher dyadic desire, while non-heterosexual men reported higher solitary desire. Additionally, having children was linked to higher relationship satisfaction for the men in the sample, and it did not negatively impact their sexual desire. This contrasts with past research indicating that childcare responsibilities often decrease relationship satisfaction and sexual desire for women, who historically shoulder a heavier portion of caregiving duties.

The researchers suspect social expectations play a role in these differences. “It seems that men demonstrating sexual interest in a presumably female other can be used to ‘prove’ their heterosexuality, while too much interest in self-gratification may be viewed as indicating homosexual preferences,” Buzwell noted. “We also found it interesting that, unlike our female sample, having children had no impact on men’s desire, or relationship satisfaction, perhaps indicating men’s lower involvement in child rearing.”

As with all research, there are a few things to keep in mind. The study relied on a relatively small convenience sample of mostly educated men, and a large majority of them reported being in equal relationships. This small number of men in unequal relationships makes it difficult to draw broad conclusions about how severe power imbalances affect sexual desire.

The use of self-report questionnaires also introduces the possibility of social desirability bias. Some participants might have downplayed their traditional masculine beliefs or overstated their relationship equality because those are socially favored traits. Others might have exaggerated their desire for partnered sex to align with cultural expectations of what it means to be a man.

The survey also captured data at a single point in time, meaning the researchers cannot assume that relationship satisfaction directly causes a drop in solitary desire. It is possible that the association works in the opposite direction, or that other unmeasured factors are influencing both variables. The study also did not account for biological or medical factors that can shape male sexual functioning.

Future studies could build on these findings by recruiting larger, more diverse groups of men, including a wider range of sexual orientations and relationship types. Getting input from both members of a couple could also provide a more accurate picture of relationship balance than relying on one partner’s perspective.

“In terms of the practical significance of the effects, the findings are a reminder that what impacts male and female sexual desire differ,” Buzwell said. “What may be good for the goose may not be good for the gander! I also think the findings show male desire is more complex than people may expect and that men’s desire for another is impacted by non-physical factors, especially their feelings of masculinity.”

“I thought the men’s results would be different to what we found with women, but I thought there may have been more similarities in what we found,” she reflected. “Our long-term goals in this area is to assist people to achieve the level of sexual desire they want given we know this contributes to both personal and relationship well-being. Satisfied people are happier people!”

The study, “Sharing the love: Examining the impact of masculinity, relationship balance, and relationship satisfaction on men’s sexual desire,” was authored by Isobel K. Wilson, Eva Johansen, and Simone Buzwell.