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Open communication about sexual preferences tends to strengthen intimacy and relationship satisfaction, but not all disclosures are equal. A new study published in The Journal of Sex Research suggests that sharing what one enjoys sexually tends to be linked with more positive outcomes, while sharing sexual dislikes may be associated with decreased intimacy and relationship satisfaction.
Sexual self-disclosure, which refers to telling a partner about one’s likes or dislikes in bed, is widely viewed as an important part of maintaining healthy intimate relationships. Previous studies have linked it to higher levels of sexual satisfaction, relationship satisfaction, and emotional closeness. Theoretical frameworks such as the Interpersonal Process Model of Intimacy and the Interpersonal Exchange Model of Sexual Satisfaction both suggest that sharing sexual information in a responsive and validating relationship context tends to promote emotional intimacy and sexual harmony.
However, most prior research has treated sexual self-disclosure as a single, unvarying type of communication. Few studies have examined whether the tone of that disclosure—positive (likes) versus negative (dislikes)—might matter. There is reason to think it could. Research in other areas of communication indicates that people generally respond better to positive disclosures than to complaints or criticisms. Within sexual relationships, expressing dislikes might risk being interpreted as rejection, criticism, or a signal of sexual incompatibility, particularly in cultures where harmony and indirectness are socially prized.
The current study set out to explore whether these positive and negative forms of disclosure are associated with different relational outcomes. It also asked whether perceived partner responsiveness—that is, the feeling that one’s partner listens, understands, and validates one’s disclosures—might shape how sexual self-disclosure relates to intimacy and satisfaction.
“I was inspired by a seeming contradiction. While theories often group the disclosure of sexual likes and dislikes together as a positive behavior, experience suggests they are different,” said study author Ziyi Li, a PhD candidate at East China Normal University. “Disclosing dislikes often feels more difficult and carries greater interpersonal risk. This led me to question if they truly have the same effect, so I wanted to test their unique associations with sexual and relationship well-being independently.”
The study recruited a sample of heterosexual adults living in China using an online survey platform. Participants had to be over 18, currently in a sexual relationship with a mixed-sex partner, and have engaged in sexual activity with that partner at least once in the past month. Women who were pregnant or breastfeeding were excluded because of the known influence of hormonal changes on sexual function.
The final sample included 625 participants (315 women) with an average age of about 32 years. Participants completed a series of validated self-report measures assessing how much they had disclosed both sexual likes and sexual dislikes to their partner, how satisfied they were with their sexual and romantic relationship, their level of emotional intimacy, and various aspects of sexual function. Nonsexual self-disclosure was also measured, along with perceived partner responsiveness to sexual communication.
To measure sexual self-disclosure, participants rated how much they had told their partner about things they liked and disliked across a range of common and less typical sexual behaviors. These ratings were collected for both verbal and nonverbal communication, as well as during and outside of sexual activity. Importantly, the researchers analyzed sexual likes and dislikes as separate constructs rather than combining them into a single score.
Multiple regression analyses were used to determine whether each form of sexual self-disclosure was associated with relationship outcomes after accounting for other variables, including nonsexual disclosure and length of the relationship. The researchers also tested whether perceived partner responsiveness moderated these associations.
Disclosing sexual likes was consistently linked to more positive outcomes. Individuals who more openly communicated their sexual preferences reported greater relationship satisfaction, stronger intimacy, and—among women—better sexual function. These findings align with earlier research suggesting that when people share what they enjoy, their partners are better able to meet their needs, leading to enhanced pleasure and closeness.
By contrast, disclosing sexual dislikes painted a more complicated picture. Individuals who shared more of their sexual dislikes tended to report lower levels of intimacy and relationship satisfaction, although this form of disclosure did not appear to relate strongly to sexual satisfaction or function for most participants. These results suggest that while disclosing sexual dislikes might help avoid unwanted experiences, it may also introduce emotional strain, especially if the partner responds defensively or the disclosure is perceived as criticism.
There were also gender-specific patterns. For men, the act of sharing sexual dislikes predicted lower erectile function—but only when their partners were perceived as less responsive. When men felt understood and supported during such disclosures, this negative association disappeared. This implies that the context in which sexual dislikes are communicated may play a key role in how such disclosures affect men’s sexual experiences.
For women, perceived partner responsiveness moderated a different relationship. Those who reported lower partner responsiveness benefited more from high levels of sexual likes disclosure in terms of sexual function. However, women who perceived their partners as already highly responsive seemed to experience good sexual function even if they shared fewer preferences. This suggests that the emotional climate of the relationship may partly compensate for lower levels of explicit communication.
Notably, nonsexual self-disclosure was also associated with greater intimacy and satisfaction, reinforcing the broader importance of open communication in close relationships.
“The key takeaway is that if you want more of what you enjoy sexually, it’s crucial to communicate that to your partner; we found this is linked to higher sexual and relationship satisfaction,” Li told PsyPost. “When it comes to things you want to avoid, a more effective strategy is to frame your feedback constructively. This is because simply stating a sexual dislike, on its own, can leave a partner unsure of what to do. Instead of only expressing a dislike, try suggesting an alternative that you do enjoy. This gives your partner clear, positive guidance on what to do next.”
While the study provides evidence that the valence of sexual self-disclosure matters, there are limitations to consider. The study relied on cross-sectional data, which limits the ability to draw firm conclusions about causality.
“The findings demonstrate a correlation, but we cannot conclude that communication causes better sexual and relationship satisfaction,” Li said. “It’s also possible, for example, that people in more satisfying relationships simply feel more comfortable communicating openly.”
In addition, cultural context plays a role. The findings are drawn from a Chinese sample, and social norms in China emphasize interpersonal harmony and indirectness. Disclosing dislikes may be perceived as especially risky in this context, which could intensify the negative effects observed. Future research could test whether similar patterns emerge in more individualistic societies or among sexual minorities, who may have different norms and communication needs.
In the long run, the researchers hope to build on this work by investigating the motivations behind sexual self-disclosure and developing interventions that help couples navigate these conversations more effectively.
“My long-term plan is to understand the ‘why’ behind people’s decisions to share their sexual likes and dislikes, and then to build an effective intervention based on those findings,” Li explained. “The ultimate goal is to help couples improve their communication in this area, which in turn would foster greater sexual and relationship well-being.”
The study, “Getting What You Want: How Disclosing Sexual Likes and Dislikes is Associated with Sexual and Relational Outcomes and the Role of Perceived Partner Responsiveness,” was authored by Ziyi Li and Pekka Santtila.
