Sexual communication is vital for a fulfilling relationship, yet it remains a complex and often awkward topic for many. A recent study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior has shed light on this issue. The findings suggest that people are more likely to communicate during sex with partners they trust and feel comfortable with, primarily using non-verbal methods to avoid disrupting the intimacy of the moment.
Prior research has highlighted a link between sexual dissatisfaction and poor communication, suggesting that enhancing dialogue about sexual preferences and desires could bolster relationship satisfaction. While much is known about verbal communication on sexual topics outside the bedroom, less is known about communication that occurs in the midst of sexual activity, particularly non-verbal forms. This gap in research provided the basis for the current study.
“My primary area of focus is researching intimate sexual relationships, so this topic falls squarely into my areas of interest,” said study author Alicia M. Walker, an associate professor of sociology at Missouri State University and author of Chasing Masculinity: Men, Validation, and Infidelity.
The methodology of the study involved a qualitative approach, focusing on in-depth interviews with a sample of 78 participants. These participants ranged in age from 18 to 69 and included a mix of genders and sexual orientations.
For the data analysis, the research team employed grounded theory, a method well-suited for inductive qualitative analysis. This method involves a systematic procedure where data collected is continuously compared with emerging categories and themes until a comprehensive framework is developed.
The researchers found that effective communication during sexual activities is significantly influenced by the level of trust and comfort with a partner. Participants indicated they were more likely to communicate during sex with those they felt comfortable with and trusted. This communication, which tended to enhance the sexual experience, was predominantly non-verbal. Many participants expressed that non-verbal cues—such as body movements, facial expressions, and other physical responses—were preferable as they were less likely to interrupt the flow and intimacy of the encounter.
Interestingly, the researchers also found that participants, particularly women, often refrained from honest verbal communication about their sexual dissatisfaction to avoid hurting their male partners’ feelings. This was particularly pronounced in relationships where the female partner perceived their male partner’s masculinity or self-esteem as fragile. This pattern of withholding feedback highlights a significant barrier to open communication, suggesting that emotional sensitivity and the protective instincts of partners play a crucial role in how sexual communication is managed.
Another critical finding was the variation in communication patterns among different age groups. Older participants (above 30) were more likely to communicate for the purpose of enhancing pleasure. This suggests that sexual communication evolves with age and experience, possibly due to increased self-confidence and a better understanding of personal sexual needs and desires. Younger participants were less likely to articulate their needs, indicating that sexual maturity and experience might contribute to more open and assertive communication during sex.
“The takeaway is that we are more likely to communicate during sex with partners we trust and with whom we feel comfortable,” Walker told PsyPost. “We tend to communicate during sex non-verbally, and people often feel verbal communication during sex is awkward or disruptive. “People who have sex with men tend to avoid honestly communicating about sex to avoid hurting their feelings. All of that matters because sexual communication increases our likelihood of sexual satisfaction. So, the more openly and more clearly we can communicate during sex the better sex we’ll have.”
But the study, like all research, includes some caveats.
“This study included a fairly diverse pool of participants. However, female participants shared heterosexual experiences even if they claimed a queer identity. Further, our sample did not include any lesbian participants. This study used qualitative interview data only,” Walker explained.
“The questions that still need to be addressed include the role of heterosexual norms and how internalization of them might be impacting communication during sex. We might learn something more from research comparing sexual communication within and outside of relationships. Also, a quantitative study and a longitudinal study might reveal even more information.”
“These findings came from a study on the characteristics of great sex (which produced two articles, the second of which will be published soon),” Walker added. “I’m expanding that study at present, targeting LGBTQ participants, participants of color, and anyone else who would like to share their experiences with great sex.”
The study, “Patterns of Verbal and Nonverbal Communication During Sex,” was authored by Audrey Lutmer and Alicia M. Walker.