People in strained relationships show somewhat higher preference for hearing lies

A study in Poland asked participants whether they preferred their partner to lie or tell the truth. Results showed that people less satisfied with their relationship tended to show a somewhat greater preference for hearing lies, both prosocial and egoistic. They also tended to perceive blatant truth as more harmful. The paper was published in The Journal of Social Psychology.

Honesty is widely regarded as a foundation of healthy romantic relationships. It is widely believed to support trust, commitment, and relationship satisfaction. At the same time, people do not always view complete truthfulness as the best response when honesty is likely to cause unnecessary emotional pain.

Prosocial lies, which are intended to benefit another person rather than the liar, are often judged more favorably than selfish deception. In romantic relationships, such lies can sometimes protect a partner’s feelings, preserve self-esteem, and help maintain harmony. They may also support positive illusions, in which partners view themselves, each other, or their relationship somewhat more favorably than objective reality would justify.

These positive beliefs can promote optimism, reduce conflict, and contribute to relationship satisfaction, particularly when they reinforce a sense of security and connection. Emotional resilience—the ability to adapt and recover from stress or adversity—may influence whether people prefer difficult truths or more reassuring forms of communication, with less resilient individuals potentially finding harsh information more difficult to manage.

The Theory of Resilience and Relational Load suggests that supportive and validating interactions help build emotional reserves that allow couples to cope more effectively with stress. From this perspective, occasional prosocial dishonesty can sometimes function as a protective form of communication, although it creates an ongoing tension between the values of honesty, kindness, and relationship stability.

Study authors Sebastian Wnęk and Katarzyna Cantarero conducted a study aiming to examine the relationship between relationship satisfaction, emotional resilience, and the preference for prosocial lies. They hypothesized that higher relationship satisfaction is associated with a greater preference for hearing prosocial lies, and a lower preference for hearing egoistic lies (lies told primarily to benefit the liar). They also expected individuals with lower emotional resilience to show a greater preference for hearing prosocial lies.

Study participants were 672 residents of Poland who had been in a romantic relationship for at least one year, recruited from a research panel. 336 of them were women. Their average age was 46 years. For their participation, they received points that could be exchanged for various goods such as headsets or flash drives.

Participants were first shown six stories that described different scenarios involving themselves and their partner. In three of these scenarios, the partner had the option to lie egoistically or tell the truth, while in the other three, the partner could tell a prosocial lie, or the truth.

Free daily newsletter

Participants’ task was to choose which option they would prefer to hear from their partner (the lie offered in the scenario or the truth) in each scenario. After this, they completed assessments of relationship satisfaction (the Relationship Assessment Scale), emotional resilience (the Brief Resilience Scale), closeness, perceived importance of truth, perceptions of how blatant truth affects a romantic relationship, conflict avoidance, and whether participants would lie prosocially to their partner.

The results showed that participants preferred prosocial lies more than egoistic lies. Participants who showed a higher preference for lies, both prosocial and egoistic, tended to be somewhat less satisfied with their relationships and to perceive truth as more harmful. They also saw themselves as more likely to tell a prosocial lie to their partner, and showed a lower preference for the truth. Participants with a higher preference for egoistic lies tended to see themselves as somewhat less close to their partner.

The study authors tested a statistical model proposing that lower relationship satisfaction might make individuals perceive blatant truth as more harmful, leading to a higher preference for hearing prosocial lies. The results showed that such a dynamic is possible.

This model also supported the notion that the relationship between relationship satisfaction and the perception of blatant truth as harmful might depend on emotional resilience. It turned out that in individuals with high emotional resilience, the strength of the association between low relationship satisfaction and perception of blatant truth as harmful was stronger than in individuals with low emotional resilience.

“Taken together, our research not only offers a useful material that can be used in future studies that focus on deception, but also underscores the complexity of prosocial lying in romantic relationships. While prosocial lies are often viewed as more acceptable than egoistic lies, their use appears to be nevertheless undesired in satisfied romantic relationships. However, when satisfaction is low and individuals perceive truth-telling as potentially harmful, they may prefer positive illusions to honest communication,” the study authors concluded.

The study contributes to the scientific knowledge about romantic relationships. However, it should be noted that the design of the study does not allow any causal inferences to be derived from the results.

The paper, “If I cannot bounce back easily, can I handle the truth? Satisfaction in romantic relationships, resilience and preference towards prosocial lies,” was authored by Sebastian Wnęk and Katarzyna Cantarero.