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A new study published in The Journal of Sex Research has shed light on how different types of perfectionism relate to the intimate lives of couples. The research found that when individuals hold themselves to high standards, they are more likely to experience strong desire for their partner, while feeling that others expect perfection from them is linked to lower sexual functioning and higher sexual distress. The study also revealed that these effects can sometimes spill over to affect a partner’s experience, especially for men.
Previous studies have explored the connection between perfectionism and sexual function, but these investigations often focused primarily on women and did not fully consider the different facets of perfectionism. Much of the existing research has also looked at individuals in isolation, rather than considering the dynamics within a couple. To address these gaps in our understanding, the researchers behind the new study decided to examine how different types of perfectionism affect sexual function, sexual desire focused on the partner, and sexual distress in both partners within a relationship.
“As social beings, relationships are an integral part of our lives. Relationships are complex and have a significant impact on our psychological, emotional and physical well-being,” said study author Noémie Viens, a graduate student in clinical psychology at the Université du Québec à Trois-Rivières and member of the Anxiety and Perfectionism Research Lab and the Sexual and Intimate Life Research Lab.
“Yet, the quality and stability of a relationship can quickly be put to the test by a multitude of factors. In Canada, 20% of the population will suffer from a mental health problem at some point in their lives. Psychological disorders can lead to or exacerbate relationship difficulties, which is why I chose to combine these two interests – mental health and couples – for my thesis.”
“Perfectionism is a personality trait found among many mental health problems and is strongly associated with anxiety. It was particularly interesting for me to be able to study the impact of this trait on a population that has yet to be studied – couples.”
To conduct their research, the investigators recruited a sample of 308 adult couples who were living together. The couples were asked to take part in an online study that spanned one year. At the start of the study and again one year later, both partners completed a series of online questionnaires. These surveys asked questions designed to measure the three types of perfectionism. Participants were asked to reflect on their own tendency to set very high standards for themselves (self-oriented perfectionism), to see if they often expect perfection from their partners (other-oriented perfectionism), and to report whether they feel that others hold them to impossibly high standards (socially prescribed perfectionism).
In addition to measuring perfectionism, the questionnaires assessed several aspects of the participants’ sexual lives. They measured partner-focused sexual desire, which is the level of sexual desire directed specifically towards one’s partner. They also assessed sexual function, which encompasses various aspects of sexual experience including arousal, orgasm, and overall sexual satisfaction. Finally, the researchers measured sexual distress, which refers to negative feelings and concerns related to one’s sexual life, such as anxiety, frustration, or dissatisfaction.
To analyze the data, the researchers used a statistical technique called the Actor-Partner Interdependence Model. This method is particularly useful for studying couples because it allows researchers to look at how one person’s characteristics affect their own outcomes (this is called the “actor effect”) and how one person’s characteristics affect their partner’s outcomes (this is called the “partner effect”).
The results of the study showed that self-oriented perfectionism was positively linked to an individual’s own partner-focused sexual desire. This was observed both at the initial assessment and again one year later, suggesting a consistent association over time. In other words, individuals who set high personal standards for themselves also tended to report a stronger sexual desire for their partners.
In contrast, socially-prescribed perfectionism, the feeling of needing to meet others’ expectations of perfection, showed a different pattern of associations. This type of perfectionism was negatively related to an individual’s own sexual function at the initial assessment. This means that individuals who felt pressured by others to be perfect were more likely to experience difficulties with their sexual function.
Furthermore, socially-prescribed perfectionism was positively associated with an individual’s own sexual distress, both at the initial assessment and one year later. This suggests that feeling pressured to be perfect by others is linked to greater sexual distress, and this distress can persist over time.
Interestingly, the researchers also found a connection between men’s socially-prescribed perfectionism and their partners’ sexual distress. Specifically, at the initial assessment, men who reported higher levels of socially-prescribed perfectionism had partners who reported higher levels of sexual distress. This suggests that when men feel pressured to be perfect by others, it may contribute to negative sexual experiences for their partners.
“Perfectionism has often been examined at the individual level, and considered as a personality trait that mostly affects the individual himself,” Viens told PsyPost. “Yet, it does have social and interpersonal components that may significantly influence the intimate and sexual life of people in romantic relationships. Perfectionism, but especially socially-prescribed perfectionism, is often rooted in a need to belong, to be loved and to be accepted by others.”
“However, the fear of failure and the quest for perfection often leads to the opposite: a disconnection with others as well as increased psychological distress. Such difficulties may interfere with the sexual life of individuals by reinforcing one’s feeling of inadequacy and generating negative thoughts and affects during sexual activity with a lover.”
One aspect that surprised the researchers was the lack of a significant connection between other-oriented perfectionism and the partner’s sexual difficulties.
“No study so far had investigated the effects between one’s other-oriented perfectionism and a partner’s sexual difficulties,” Viens said. “Given the theoretical propositions of some authors, we believed that expecting perfection from one’s partner could be related to the partners’ higher sexual problems, by generating greater pressure and/or anxiety in the partner.”
“Yet, our analyses revealed no significant results, suggesting that although other-oriented perfectionism may be associated with how individuals relate to their partner or perceive their partner’s behavior, it might not necessarily result in noticeable changes in their partner’s sexuality. Thus, since other-oriented perfectionism is not directly related to partners’ sexual outcomes, possible mediators could mediate the partner associations between other-oriented perfectionism and sexual outcomes. Our next study will notably test the mediating role of emotional intimacy on the associations between perfectionism and sexual satisfaction!”
While this study offers valuable insights, it is important to consider its limitations. The research focused on couples who lived together, so the findings may not apply in the same way to couples who are not cohabiting or to individuals who are single.
Another caveat is that the different types of perfectionism are related to each other to some extent. “This means that, in the context of real life, when we can’t statistically control for the influence of one dimension onto another one, we, as perfectionist individuals, are more likely to present high levels of all three perfectionism dimensions at the same time,” Viens explained. “Thus, the idea that self-oriented perfectionism is solely positive is only theoretically true.”
The researchers believe that a deeper understanding of these complex dynamics can inform the development of more effective support and interventions for couples facing sexual difficulties and for individuals struggling with problematic perfectionistic tendencies.
“After my graduate studies, my goal is to pursue a postdoctoral fellowship in the field of couples and sexuality and hopefully obtain a tenure track position to continue my research about the impacts of psychopathology on the relationship and sexual well-being of couples,” Viens said.
The study, “Multidimensional Perfectionism and Sexual Difficulties Among Adult Couples: A Dyadic Cross-Sectional and Longitudinal Study,” was authored by Noémie Viens, Frédéric Langlois, and Marie-Pier Vaillancourt-Morel.
