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A new study published in the Journal of Personality sheds light on how attachment styles shape the way people respond to “phubbing”—that is, when a romantic partner is more focused on their phone than on face-to-face interaction. The findings suggest that people with higher levels of attachment anxiety tend to experience more emotional distress on days when they feel phubbed, including lower self-esteem and a greater sense of depression. They also appear more likely to retaliate.
Phubbing, a combination of the words “phone” and “snubbing,” refers to the perception that someone is ignoring you in favor of their phone. In romantic relationships, phubbing has been linked to lower relationship satisfaction, increased conflict, and reduced emotional well-being. As smartphones become more integrated into daily life, researchers are growing more interested in how technology use can interfere with face-to-face connections and shape emotional experiences within couples.
“Phones are everywhere—we use them for work, keeping in touch, entertainment, even paying for things or finding our way around,” said study author Claire Hart, an associate professor at the University of Southampton. “But I kept noticing how often, especially in restaurants, people end up more focused on their screens than on each other. That got me wondering what happens when this plays out at home, and how our relationships are affected when the phone takes priority over the person right in front of us.”
Previous studies suggest that when individuals feel ignored by their partner’s phone use, they may react with resentment or even mimic the behavior themselves. However, not everyone responds to phubbing in the same way. This variation led the authors of the new study to investigate whether individual differences in adult attachment—especially attachment anxiety and avoidance—could help explain these different reactions.
Attachment theory provides a framework for understanding how people relate to close others. Those with high attachment anxiety tend to fear abandonment and are especially sensitive to signs of rejection. In contrast, individuals high in attachment avoidance tend to distance themselves emotionally and feel uncomfortable with closeness. These patterns of thinking and feeling about relationships are shaped early in life and tend to persist into adulthood.
Hart and her colleagues recruited 196 adults who were living with a romantic partner in a relationship lasting at least six months. The average age of participants was about 36 years old, and most identified as female and heterosexual. Over the course of 10 days, participants completed an online diary survey. The first survey collected demographic information and measured attachment anxiety and avoidance. On the remaining days, participants reported on daily experiences of being phubbed, how they responded, and how they felt emotionally and relationally.
To measure perceived phubbing, participants responded to items like “My partner glanced at their phone while talking to me” and “My partner’s phone use interfered with our interactions.” They also rated their daily relationship satisfaction, self-esteem, mood, and anger. If they felt phubbed, they were asked how they responded—whether they felt resentful, curious, picked up their own phone in retaliation, or ignored the behavior. If they retaliated, they were asked to rate their motives, including whether they were seeking revenge, were bored, or looking for support or approval from others.
The researchers found that on days when people perceived more phubbing, they tended to report lower relationship satisfaction, more anger, and increased anxious mood. These effects were seen across the entire sample.
However, individuals with higher attachment anxiety experienced stronger emotional reactions. On days when they felt phubbed, they were more likely to report lower self-esteem and greater feelings of depression. These effects were not observed among participants with lower attachment anxiety, indicating that people with this trait may be more vulnerable to the emotional consequences of feeling ignored.
People high in attachment anxiety were also more likely to report retaliating against perceived phubbing. Their retaliatory behavior was commonly driven by a desire for support and approval. This aligns with previous research suggesting that people with anxious attachment often seek reassurance and connection, especially when they feel rejected or excluded.
“Not everyone experiences phubbing the same way,” Hart told PsyPost. “Attachment style – the habitual way people think and feel about relationships – plays a big role. People who are more anxious about being abandoned or who need lots of reassurance reacted more strongly when phubbed. They reported higher depressed mood, lower self-esteem, and greater resentment. They were also more likely to retaliate (pick up their own phone and start phubbing their partner) – to get support and approval from others in order to get their attachment needs met. While this kind of retaliation might offer immediate comfort, it can create a cycle of negative interactions.”
On the other hand, participants with high attachment avoidance were less likely to engage in conflict when they felt phubbed, consistent with their discomfort with emotional confrontation, but they were more likely to say they retaliated out of a desire for approval. This was somewhat unexpected, given that avoidant individuals tend to downplay the importance of close relationships.
“One thing that surprised us was how people who usually prefer distance in relationships (those high in attachment avoidance) still showed a stronger need for approval when they felt their partner was phubbing them,” Hart explained. “In other words, even people who normally don’t like to rely on others seemed motivated to seek some kind of validation when ignored by their partner for a phone.”
“We don’t yet know exactly what kind of approval they were looking for. It might be about presenting themselves well on social media, showing off achievements, or just looking for attention in a less personal way. Future research could delve into this by asking what people actually do when they retaliate—are they messaging friends, posting online, or just scrolling? And do those behaviours vary depending on someone’s attachment style?”
Across the entire sample, phubbing triggered a range of emotional and behavioral responses. Participants often reported feeling resentful or curious about their partner’s phone use. They were also more likely to retaliate or confront their partner when phubbing was perceived as high. These findings are consistent with the idea that even brief moments of perceived disconnection can carry emotional weight and influence how people behave in their relationships.
But the study, like all research, includes some caveats. The sample was not particularly diverse in terms of gender or sexual orientation, and most participants were heterosexual women. Future studies should aim to include more diverse participants to examine whether these findings hold across different relationship types and identities.
The study also relied entirely on self-reported data, which can be influenced by memory biases or social desirability. Additionally, the study focused on perceived phubbing, not on whether the partner was actually phubbing, which could differ in important ways.
“Looking ahead, we want to go beyond self-reports and see what’s happening in the body when someone is phubbed,” Hart said. “Does it change heart rate or stress levels, and do those physical reactions match up with what people say they feel—like anger, anxiety, or sadness? People might not always notice how strongly they’re reacting, or they may downplay it. By measuring the body’s response, we can get a fuller picture of how phubbing really affects people, both emotionally and physically. That insight can help us understand the true impact of phone use on our relationships and well-being.”
“Phubbing is becoming such a common part of modern life, yet we don’t fully understand how it affects our relationships and well-being. Phones aren’t going away, so understanding when and why they cause harm can help people use them more mindfully.”
The study, “Attachment, Perceived Partner Phubbing, and Retaliation: A Daily Diary Study,” was authored by Katherine B. Carnelley, Claire M. Hart, Laura M. Vowels, and Tessa Thejas Thomas.
