A new study published in the European Journal of Personality reveals that while those who believe their relationship is “destined to be” are more satisfied initially, those who believe relationships grow through effort tend to maintain higher satisfaction over the years. This study, spanning two years and including various couples, provides insights into how these beliefs influence relationship satisfaction over time.
The researchers aimed to understand how different beliefs about relationships—whether they are destined to be or can grow through effort—affect relationship satisfaction over time. Previous studies have shown that relationship satisfaction often declines as time passes, but the reasons behind this trend remain unclear. By exploring these relationship beliefs, the researchers hoped to identify factors that could help couples maintain higher levels of satisfaction in their relationships.
“I have been involved in research on well-being and personality for quite some time. Especially fascinating to me was how traits and well-being change over time – either naturally, through life events, or through deliberate practice,” said study author Fabian Gander, a research associate at the University of Basel.
“In the case of the present study, our interest was sparked by the robust research finding that on average, relationship satisfaction declines over time, meaning that for most couples, it gets worse – however, there are always exceptions who manage to maintain or even increase their relationship satisfaction. We were interested in identifying psychological factors that might contribute to a positive development of relationship satisfaction – or that, at least, could ameliorate the decline over time.”
The study involved 904 couples from Germany, Switzerland, Austria, and other countries. Participants ranged from 18 to 81 years old and had been in relationships for varying lengths of time, from just a few months to over 50 years. The study was conducted over two years, with participants completing surveys at four different points.
To measure relationship beliefs, the researchers used a questionnaire that assessed two dimensions: destiny beliefs and growth beliefs. Destiny beliefs reflect the idea that relationships are either meant to be or not, while growth beliefs reflect the idea that relationships can be improved and maintained through effort. Participants rated their agreement with statements like “A successful relationship is mostly a matter of finding a compatible partner” for destiny beliefs and “A successful relationship is mostly a matter of learning to resolve conflicts with a partner” for growth beliefs.
Relationship satisfaction was measured using the Relationship Assessment Scale, which includes questions about how satisfied participants are with their relationship overall. The researchers also collected data on personality traits, self-esteem, life satisfaction, and attachment styles to control for other factors that might influence relationship satisfaction.
The study found that individuals with strong destiny beliefs were more satisfied with their relationships at the beginning of the study. However, their satisfaction declined more steeply over the two-year period compared to those with strong growth beliefs. Specifically, participants with strong growth beliefs experienced a slower decline in satisfaction, suggesting that the belief that relationships can improve through effort helps maintain higher levels of satisfaction over time.
Interestingly, the study also found that higher relationship satisfaction predicted an increase in growth beliefs over time. This suggests that satisfaction and beliefs about relationships are intertwined, with satisfied individuals becoming more likely to believe that their relationships can grow and improve.
“One surprising finding was that those with higher initial relationship satisfaction also tended to develop stronger growth beliefs over time, indicating a reciprocal relationship between satisfaction and beliefs,” Gander told PsyPost.
The study showed that couples where both partners had high growth beliefs reported the highest levels of satisfaction. Conversely, couples where both partners had high destiny beliefs experienced the steepest decline in satisfaction over time. These findings highlight the importance of shared beliefs in maintaining relationship satisfaction.
“The most important take away messages are as follows: In romantic relationships, relationship satisfaction generally tends to decrease over time,” Gander explained. “However, how we think about love can shape our satisfaction. People who believe that ‘love is meant to be’ are more satisfied with their relationship initially but this belief does not protect them from decreasing satisfaction over time. On the other hand, those who believe that ‘love grows with effort’ experience a slower decline in relationship satisfaction and have more positive future expectations for their relationship.”
While the study provides valuable insights, it has several limitations. First, the sample was limited to German-speaking couples from a specific cultural context, which may not be representative of couples in other cultures. Additionally, the study only covered a period of two years, which is relatively short in the context of long-term relationships. More extended studies would be needed to understand the long-term impact of relationship beliefs fully.
“Major caveats include the need for further research to establish causal relationships and the potential for other unmeasured variables to influence the observed effects,” Gander noted. “Thus, while we know that those who do believe that ‘love grows with effort” are less inclined to experience a decrease in their relationship satisfaction, we do not know whether this belief is indeed the driving force.
“We would love to see (or conduct) intervention studies in which we try to actively alter the beliefs of couples to see if growth beliefs in couples can causally improve relationship satisfaction, and potentially applying these findings in couples therapy.”
In addition, “encouraging further examination of different beliefs about the world and their longitudinal effects could be beneficial for understanding how we approach challenges and personal development,” Gander added.
The study, “The role of relationship beliefs in predicting levels and changes of relationship satisfaction,” was authored by Fabian Gander, Maximiliane Uhlich, Alex Christoph Traut, Marcelle Ariane Saameli, Janina Larissa Bühler, Rebekka Weidmann, and Alexander Grob.
