Frequent fights may explain why neurotic people feel less satisfied in relationships

A recent study found that various negative behaviors — particularly conflict tactics such as yelling at a partner, isolating from them, or expressing anger — help explain the negative association between neuroticism and relationship satisfaction. Individuals high in neuroticism may be more likely to engage in these behaviors, which can erode satisfaction in their romantic relationships. The paper was published in Sexual and Relationship Therapy.

Neuroticism is a personality trait characterized by a tendency to experience negative emotions such as anxiety, sadness, irritability, and emotional instability. People high in neuroticism are more likely to perceive situations as threatening and to respond with intense emotional reactions. They often struggle with stress management and are more prone to mood disorders such as depression and anxiety.

Neuroticism is one of the five major dimensions in the Big Five model of personality. Individuals with low levels of neuroticism tend to be emotionally stable, calm, and less reactive to stress. The trait is influenced by both genetic and environmental factors, including early life experiences. High levels of neuroticism have been linked to difficulties in relationships, poorer job performance, and reduced well-being.

Study author Alexyss Lange and her colleagues proposed that three main components of neuroticism — depression, anxiety, and angry hostility — might help explain why individuals with high neuroticism tend to be less satisfied in their relationships. The researchers hypothesized that neuroticism leads people to engage in more negative behaviors and fewer positive behaviors in daily life, which in turn reduces relationship satisfaction. To test this, they conducted a daily diary study.

The study included 202 adults who had been in an exclusive romantic relationship for at least one year and living with their partner for at least one year. Participants were recruited through Craigslist advertisements in a mid-sized town in the Northeastern United States. Of the sample, 100 participants were women. Compensation was up to $6.50, depending on how many daily diary entries they completed.

At the beginning of the study, participants completed assessments of relationship satisfaction (using the Hendrick’s Relationship Assessment Scale) and personality (using the Big Five Inventory-2). The study lasted seven days. Each day, participants reported how satisfied they felt in their relationship and whether they engaged in any of 64 specified behaviors. At the end of the week, they completed the relationship satisfaction assessment again.

As expected, individuals high in neuroticism reported lower relationship satisfaction, both in the initial survey and in their daily diary entries.

To facilitate analysis, the researchers grouped the 64 behaviors into two categories: positive and negative. Positive behaviors included actions such as expressing love, starting a conversation, showing gratitude, giving compliments, and tackling difficult tasks with the partner. Negative behaviors included being upset with the partner, asking for forgiveness, isolating oneself, expressing anger, and insulting the partner.

The researchers also identified a smaller subset of negative behaviors they labeled “conflict tactics,” which specifically involve managing conflict in dysfunctional ways. These behaviors included yelling at the partner, arguing in front of others, leaving conflicts unresolved, and isolating from the partner.

They then tested a statistical model suggesting that neuroticism increases the likelihood of negative behaviors and decreases the likelihood of positive behaviors — and that these behaviors in turn influence relationship satisfaction. The findings showed that negative behaviors, but not positive behaviors, mediated the link between neuroticism and lower satisfaction. Moreover, conflict tactics emerged as a particularly strong mediator of this relationship.

“Taken all together, our research suggests that neuroticism is associated with more frequent negative relational behaviors, and specifically poorer conflict management behaviors. We also found that these behaviors alone decrease relationship satisfaction, but that they also are mechanisms through which neuroticism works to decrease relationship satisfaction,” the study authors concluded.

While the study provides important insight into the behavioral link between neuroticism and relationship quality, it has limitations. Notably, it did not include data from participants’ partners. As a result, the role of partners’ behavior and reactions remains unknown.

The paper, “Neuroticism’s ties to relationship satisfaction: the role of conflict tactic behaviors,” was authored by Alexyss Lange, Benjamin Rasmussen, Charlotte R. Esplin, Margaret S. Clark, and Scott S. Braithwaite.