Girls rarely experience the “friend zone,” psychology study finds

A new study published in Evolution and Human Behavior provides evidence that the tendency for young men to mistake friendliness for sexual interest strengthens gradually throughout their teenage years. The research also suggests that when adolescent girls express romantic interest, boys rarely dismiss it as mere friendliness. Together, these findings help explain how romantic misunderstandings develop during adolescence and mirror the dynamics often seen in heterosexual adults.

In evolutionary psychology, a framework called Error Management Theory proposes that adults have built up specific biases to handle the uncertainty of dating. This theory suggests that men tend to overperceive sexual interest so they do not miss out on rare mating opportunities.

Failing to notice a sexual opportunity carries a high reproductive cost for men. On the other hand, women tend to underperceive sexual interest. This underperception bias helps them gently brush off unwanted suitors without causing conflict and protects their social reputation from rumors.

While these patterns are well documented in adults, scientists did not know at what age these psychological adaptations activate. Because adolescents experience puberty and possess reproductive capabilities, they face many of the same social and biological challenges as adults. The researchers wanted to test whether these misperception biases are already functioning by age 16.

They also wanted to track how these psychological patterns change as teenagers mature into young adults at age 19. If these biases appear too early, they could interfere with normal socializing and play. If they appear too late, adolescents might miss out on important social and romantic learning experiences.

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“Imagine you’re having a friendly conversation with someone you secretly have a crush on. You naturally hope they’re talking to you not just out of friendliness, but because they might feel something more. But you can’t know for sure—you have to infer their intentions. Are you their crush? Or just their friend?” said Marius Stavang, a PhD student at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology and member of the the Sexual Conflict Research Group.

“This kind of romantic uncertainty is something most people experience at some point. Research on adults shows that men and women tend to make predictable inferential errors in these situations: men often overestimate women’s romantic or sexual interest, while women tend to underestimate men’s interest. However, we didn’t know when these patterns begin to emerge.”

“Do these sex-typical misperception biases already exist in early adolescence, or do they develop later? That was the key gap we wanted to address. Understanding how these misperceptions develop matters because they can lead to awkwardness, disappointment, and in more serious cases, sexual coercion.”

To explore these questions, the scientists analyzed data from 1,290 heterosexual high school students in Norway. The sample included 551 males and 739 females between the ages of 16 and 19. The data was originally gathered as part of the 2013 Health, Sexual Harassment, and Experiences Study in the city of Trondheim.

Students completed surveys in private cubicles or at home during regular school hours. The researchers measured sexual misperception by asking participants about their experiences over the previous 12 months. Specifically, they asked if the students had ever been just friendly to someone of the opposite sex, only to have that person mistake their friendliness for a sexual advance.

This scenario represents being sexually overperceived. They also asked if the students had ever tried to show sexual or romantic interest, only to have the other person assume they were just trying to be nice. This scenario represents being sexually underperceived.

In addition, the participants answered questions about their sociosexuality, which is a person’s willingness to engage in casual sex without a committed relationship. The survey also asked students to rate their own mate value. In evolutionary biology, mate value refers to a person’s overall attractiveness and desirability as a romantic or sexual partner.

The scientists found that the traditional adult pattern of misperception is not fully formed at age 16. Instead, it develops over the course of the late teen years. At age 16, only 7 percent of females reported that males mistook their friendliness for sexual interest.

By age 19, that number grew to 25 percent. Because of this steady increase, females first reported a noticeable male overperception bias at age 17. This suggests that the male tendency to read too much into friendly behavior becomes active in the middle of adolescence.

“We found that the tendency for males to overestimate females’ sexual interest is not fully established by age 16, but appears to strengthen somewhat across middle to late adolescence,” Stavang told PsyPost. “This suggests that the well-known adult pattern—where men interpret women’s friendliness as sexual interest—undergoes developmental change during the teenage years.”

The patterns for underperception looked very different. Across all ages from 16 to 19, a substantial number of males reported that their romantic interest was dismissed as just being nice. About 13 percent of boys experienced this misunderstanding in the past year.

In contrast, only 3 percent of girls reported having their romantic interest mistaken for friendliness. This indicates that the classic experience of being placed in the friend zone is exceptionally rare for teenage girls. The sex difference in underperception is already firmly in place by age 16 and stays relatively consistent through age 19.

“I was surprised that almost no adolescent girls reported that their amorous interest was discounted as just friendliness,” Stavang said. “I had expected this classic experience—often discussed among adult men as the ‘friendzone’—to be more evenly distributed during high school, when dating norms might be less firmly established.”

The researchers also noted an unexpected pattern in how boys were overperceived by girls. The number of boys who had their friendliness mistaken for sexual interest rose from 16 to 18, but then dropped sharply to just 3 percent at age 19. Because so few 19-year-old boys were overperceived, and many were still underperceived, it was at age 19 that boys formally reported a female underperception bias.

Personal traits also influenced how often teenagers were misunderstood. A higher interest in casual sex increased the risk of being overperceived for both boys and girls. For boys, this openness to casual sex also increased their chances of having their actual romantic interest ignored.

Self-perceived mate value played a significant role for boys. Males who rated themselves as highly attractive partners were much more likely to have their friendliness mistaken for sexual interest. Relationship status and whether a teenager had experienced their sexual debut did not appear to affect their risk of being misperceived.

There are a few potential misinterpretations and limitations to keep in mind regarding this study. Because the research relied on teenagers reporting their own experiences, the data might be influenced by memory errors or subjective interpretations of social events. Also, the survey did not ask for the specific ages of the people who misunderstood the participants, meaning the misperceptions could have involved older or younger peers.

The research was conducted in Norway, a country known for high gender equality and open attitudes toward teenage dating. The researchers note that cultural rules surrounding dating might cause these biases to develop differently in more conservative societies. Finally, the study only looked at chronological age rather than physical maturity, which might play a bigger role in how teenagers are perceived by others.

“In adults, speed-dating paradigms have been very useful for studying misperception,” Stavang noted. “Participants can report how interested they think the other person is in them, and that can be directly compared to how interested the other person actually reports being. This provides a relatively objective measure of misperception.”

“If similar designs could be adapted ethically and appropriately for adolescent samples, it would represent a major step forward in understanding how sexual misperception biases develop. Longitudinal designs would also be especially valuable for identifying when and why these biases strengthen.”

“Romantic misunderstandings often arise because people are not fully transparent about their feelings,” Stavang added. “Adolescents may also be learning—by observing adults—that they too should communicate ambiguously when dating.”

“Encouraging clearer and more honest communication about interest and lack of interest could potentially reduce these misperceptions. If we understand how these biases develop, we may also be better equipped to interrupt cycles of misunderstanding before they solidify into adult patterns.”

The study, “Adolescent development of sexual misperception biases: females increasingly overperceived, males consistently underperceived,” was authored by Marius Stavang, Mons Bendixen, and Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair.