A study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior suggests that a mismatch between one’s moral views and one’s sexual behaviors — but not the sexual behaviors themselves — can lead to significant distress. Men who had sex with other men were more unhappy, but only if they also felt that same-sex relationships were morally wrong. Similarly, women who engaged in non-marital sex were more unhappy, but only if they also felt that sex outside marriage was wrong.
When a person’s actions are out of sync with their moral views, scholars refer to this as “moral incongruence.” Previous studies have suggested that moral incongruence can explain why people who use pornography often experience psychological distress. The assumption is that the use of pornography leads to mental distress but only if the user views pornography as morally wrong.
Study authors Samuel Perry and his team proposed that moral incongruence might explain why other sexual behaviors are tied to distress. Same-sex sexual activity and non-marital sex are two practices that have been historically stigmatized, shamed, and labeled as immoral. Perry and his colleagues theorized that distress experienced alongside either of these behaviors is likely the result of acting against deeply-ingrained moral views.
The researchers analyzed data from the General Social Survey, an ongoing survey of U.S. adults. They focused on waves that included data on participants’ views and experiences with same-sex sexual behavior (waves 1988-2018) and non-marital sex (waves 1989-2018). The assessments included general happiness, whether the participant had sex with someone of the same sex in the past year, and frequency of sex within the past year as an unmarried person. Additionally, two items questioned the extent that subjects felt that homosexuality was wrong and that heterosexual sex outside marriage was wrong.
For both men and women, having sex with someone of the same sex was not related to being unhappy. However, men who reported having had sex with another man and also reported believing that homosexuality is immoral were twice as likely as other men to be unhappy.
For both men and women, having sex while being unmarried was related to greater happiness. However, women who reported a higher frequency of sex while being unmarried and simultaneously viewed non-marital sex as immoral were more likely to be unhappy than other women. While the findings trended in the same direction for men, the effect was not significant.
Perry and his colleagues say that the gender differences they found may reflect differences in the type of sexual behaviors that are stigmatized among men and women. Historically, there has been more antagonism directed at gay men than gay women, owing to hetero-masculinity which has pressured men to conform to straight and masculine norms. Accordingly, men may be more likely than women to internalize moral views against same-sex relationships and more likely to experience distress when they engage in sexual behavior with other men.
Non-marital sex, on the other hand, has been much more stigmatized among women — women are more likely to be shamed for having sex outside marriage while men are often praised for the same behavior. It follows that women may be more likely to internalize moral views against non-marital sex, and thus more likely to experience distress when having sex outside marriage. Perry and his team say that further studies will be needed to shed light on these theories.
The researchers also note that their study was cross-sectional, and they cannot conclude that moral incongruency actually causes unhappiness. While it seems unlikely, it could be that people who are more unhappy are more likely to engage in sexual behaviors that are against their moral values.
The study, “Sex and Its Discontents: How Moral Incongruence Connects Same-Sex and Non- Sexual Activity with Unhappiness”, was authored by Samuel Perry, Joshua B. Grubbs, and Elizabeth McElroy.