Most people dislike being gossiped about—except narcissistic men, who welcome even negative gossip

In a surprising twist to conventional wisdom, new research published in Self & Identity finds that while most people dislike being gossiped about, certain individuals—particularly men and those with narcissistic traits—actually welcome becoming the subject of others’ conversations, even when the gossip is negative.

Gossip has traditionally carried negative connotations, yet research increasingly shows it serves important social functions, such as enforcing group norms and building community bonds.

While previous studies have primarily focused on those who spread gossip, researchers Andrew H. Hales and colleagues took a different approach by examining how people feel about being on the receiving end of others’ talk.

The researchers explored an interesting question: Could being gossiped about—even negatively—signal social relevance that some people might prefer over being ignored entirely?

The team conducted five studies combining nationally representative samples with college student participants. The studies presented participants with hypothetical scenarios where they were either the subject of positive gossip, negative gossip, ambiguous gossip (where the nature was unclear), or not mentioned at all. Participants indicated their preferences on a scale ranging from strong opposition to strong preference for being discussed versus ignored.

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The first three studies established general patterns in attitudes toward gossip while identifying differences based on demographics and personality traits. Study 1 used a nationally representative online sample with participants randomly assigned to one of the four gossip conditions. Study 2 expanded this with a within-subjects design where participants rated all four scenarios, enabling direct comparison of responses. Study 3 shifted the context from purely social to workplace settings to test whether professional environments altered preferences.

Studies 4 and 5 examined whether people accurately perceive others’ openness to gossip, with participants estimating how much others would want to be discussed. Study 5 additionally incorporated an experimental manipulation where participants experienced either social inclusion or exclusion in an online ball-tossing game before completing the gossip scenarios, testing whether momentary ostracism would increase willingness to be talked about.

The results consistently showed most people preferred not to be gossiped about, especially negatively. However, significant variations emerged across all five studies. The research found that 64% of participants preferred positive gossip to not being mentioned at all. Surprisingly, 36% would rather be left out of conversations entirely, even when the gossip was positive. A notable 15% reported preferring negative gossip over being ignored completely.

Individual characteristics strongly influenced these preferences. Men consistently showed more openness to being gossiped about than women, particularly when the gossip was ambiguous or negative. Younger participants embraced positive gossip more readily than older individuals. People with narcissistic traits reported significantly higher preference for being discussed, even negatively. Those experiencing chronic social exclusion showed greater willingness to be gossiped about generally, though they paradoxically desired positive gossip less.

Studies 4 and 5 revealed that participants tended to overestimate others’ desire for positive gossip while accurately gauging aversion to negative gossip. The experimental component in Study 5 yielded an interesting finding: temporary feelings of exclusion did not immediately increase openness to gossip, suggesting that chronic rather than short-term social exclusion plays a more significant role in shaping attitudes toward being the subject of others’ conversations.

The researchers acknowledge that using hypothetical scenarios rather than real-world instances of gossip presents a limitation.

Overall, this study challenges our assumptions about gossip’s universal undesirability. While most people prefer privacy, certain individuals—particularly men, younger adults, and those with narcissistic tendencies—appear to view gossip as validation of their social significance, regardless of whether the talk is positive or negative.

The research, “Openness to Being Gossiped About: Understanding Gossip from the Target’s Perspective,” by Andrew H. Hales, Meltem Yucel, and Selma C. Rudert.