New research explores if having a crush lowers relationship satisfaction

A study in Canada found that many individuals harbor attraction to people outside of their primary romantic relationship with no harm noted to that relationship. However, there were some individuals in whom attraction to people other than their partner was linked to decreases in satisfaction with their primary relationship. This was especially the case when relationship satisfaction was low from the start. The research was published in Personal Relationships.

People sometimes feel romantic or sexual interest towards someone who is not their primary partner. This is commonly called a “crush”, but researchers call it extradyadic attraction. Extradyadic attraction is a common human experience and does not necessarily mean a person plans to cheat. Such attraction arises from novelty, proximity, or natural biological responses to new attractive individuals. People in committed relationships often feel conflicted when it occurs because it can challenge their sense of loyalty.

Extradyadic attraction tends to be stronger when relationship satisfaction or emotional intimacy is low. Stress, boredom, or unmet needs within the relationship can also make outside attraction feel more salient. Individuals differ in how they interpret such feelings based on personality, values, and attachment style. Some people experience guilt and avoid the person who triggered the attraction, while others rationalize or minimize the feelings. In healthy relationships, partners usually handle extradyadic attraction by strengthening communication and boundaries.

Study author Lucia F. O’Sullivan and her colleagues wanted to examine how extradyadic attraction affects a person’s primary relationship. More specifically, they wanted to see whether the intensity of extradyadic attraction varies over time and whether it is associated with the quality of the primary romantic relationship. These authors hypothesized that if a person feels extradyadic attraction towards the same individual (who is not their partner), this attraction will become more intense over time and be accompanied by decreased quality of their primary relationship.

Study participants were 567 individuals recruited into a longitudinal study of “attraction and romantic relationships” using social media (e.g., Facebook) and crowdsourcing sites (e.g., Prolific Academic). To be included, prospective participants were required to be between 22 and 35 years of age, residents of the U.S., the U.K., or Canada, to be in a romantic relationship of at least three months duration, and having an agreement with one’s partner to be romantically and sexually exclusive. They also needed to be reporting attraction towards someone outside their relationship with whom they have never been romantically or sexually involved.

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Participants’ average age was 28.5 years. 55% of them were women. 82% reported being heterosexual. Participants were surveyed 4 times in the scope of the study – at the start, 4, 6, and 12 months after the start. They completed assessments of extradyadic attraction intensity using a scale developed by study authors, and of their primary relationship quality using the Investment Model scale (for commitment), the Couples Satisfaction Index (for romantic satisfaction), and the GMSEX (for sexual satisfaction).

Of the initial group, only 183 participants completed all four assessments. 172 were in the same primary relationship at the end of the study that they reported at the start. The analyses were based on these 172 participants. The average intensity of the extradyadic attraction did not change over time. However, there was pronounced variability in participants in this regard – while some became less attracted to the person who is not their primary partner, others became more attracted to him/her.

Individuals who felt extradyadic attraction towards the same individual throughout the study period reported significantly lower initial intensity levels and tended to feel a lower level of attraction as the study progressed. Those who felt extradyadic attraction for different individuals over the course of the study started with higher intensity levels and tended to feel slightly higher levels of attraction as the study progressed.

Overall, for many participants extradyadic attraction was not accompanied by corresponding harms to their primary relationship in the form of reduced satisfaction. This was the case regardless of whether the object of their attraction varied over the year or was stable.

However, some extradyadic attractions were linked to decreases in romantic and sexual satisfaction with the primary relationship. While those who started with low relationship quality saw further declines, specifically in sexual satisfaction, the study also found that a group starting with high relationship quality experienced severe drops in romantic satisfaction over the year.

“Overall, it is possible to foster an attraction to people outside of one’s relationships without much in the way of decrements, although we do not know for sure without establishing causal links. Most of these relationships appeared to be functioning at an optimal or suboptimal level. Clearly, some people have extradyadic attractions that are linked to a worsening in their relationships, primarily in terms of lowered romantic satisfaction, but also some downward shifts in commitment and sexual satisfaction,” study authors concluded.

The study contributes to the scientific understanding of psychological intricacies of romantic relationships. However, it should be noted that only around 1 in 3 participants completed the study. This high attrition rate leaves room for survivorship bias to have affected the results.

The paper, “Do Crushes Pose a Problem for Exclusive Relationships? Trajectories of Attraction Intensity to Extradyadic Others and Links to Primary Relationship Commitment and Satisfaction,” was authored by Lucia F. O’Sullivan, Charlene F. Belu, and Lucia Tramonte.