New research highlights the role of family background and attachment in shaping infidelity intentions

New research sheds light on the factors that may lead young adults to consider cheating on their romantic partners. The study suggests that a combination of family history, personal attachment style, and relationship intimacy plays a significant role in shaping infidelity intentions. These findings were published in The Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families.

The study was conducted by Esra Selalmaz and Gizem Erdem. Selalmaz is a clinical psychologist, and Erdem is an associate professor of psychology and a licensed marriage and family therapist at Koç University in Istanbul, Türkiye. They sought to investigate the predictors of infidelity among emerging adults.

While previous studies have linked attachment styles to cheating, the researchers aimed to create a more comprehensive picture. They incorporated family-of-origin experiences and current relationship satisfaction into their analysis.

“At first, we wanted to understand how parental infidelity influences the lives of adult children,” Selalmaz explained. “The literature includes many studies on its psychological effects, but there is also evidence showing that this early experience may influence adult children’s romantic relationships, including their attitudes, behaviors, and intentions regarding infidelity. Then, we wondered ‘Is parental infidelity related to higher infidelity intentions in adult children, and what other factors might be related to it?'”

“Infidelity is a common problem that couples bring to therapy as a presenting problem,” Erdem added. “When we work with infidelity issues in a clinical setting, typically we focus on violation of trust and attachment injuries associated with infidelity. Then, we explore whether healing the emotional bond and re-building trust are possible for the couple. It is a turning point for relationships where it either breaks the relationship or it reveals hidden issues that couples need to face and grow together – it opens the Pandora’s box in long term relationships.”

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“In systemic therapy, we see infidelity as a symptom, rather than an incident on its own. We examine how that symptom occurs and what it hints as an underlying issue in that relationship. Does it fill a void? Inspired by that clinical work, our empirical study is exploring the multifaceted nature of infidelity; how infidelity relates to romantic attachment (our ways of connecting to romantic partners), intimacy issues, past romantic affairs, and family experiences.

“As a couple and family therapist, I was particularly interested in the parental infidelity aspect because I was curious whether there could be an intergenerational transmission of infidelity from parents to their adult children,” Erdem continued. “Can we really say infidelity carries over across generations? That is an interesting question to explore.”

For their study, the researchers recruited 280 participants for this investigation. The sample consisted of individuals between the ages of 18 and 30. All participants were unmarried and had no children. Additionally, every participant was currently in a committed romantic relationship that had lasted for at least one year. The researchers chose this duration because commitment and exclusivity are typically established within the first year of dating. Data collection occurred online through a secure survey platform.

Participants provided demographic information and answered questions about their relationship history. The researchers asked detailed questions regarding the participants’ parents. Specifically, respondents indicated whether their parents had ever engaged in an extramarital affair. They also reported how and when they discovered this information.

To measure psychological factors, the survey included the Experiences in Close Relationships-Revised Scale. This tool assesses two dimensions of attachment insecurity: anxiety and avoidance. Anxiety involves a fear of rejection and abandonment. Avoidance involves discomfort with closeness and a desire for independence.

The study also measured the quality of the participants’ current relationships. The researchers used the Personal Assessment of Intimacy in Relationships Scale. This measure separated intimacy into two distinct categories: emotional and sexual. Finally, the participants completed the Intentions towards Infidelity Scale. This instrument asks individuals to rate the likelihood that they would be unfaithful in various hypothetical situations.

The descriptive results provided insight into the family backgrounds of the participants. A significant portion of the sample reported a history of parental infidelity. Approximately half of the participants indicated that at least one of their parents had an extramarital affair. The data showed that fathers were identified as the unfaithful parent more frequently than mothers.

Participants typically discovered this infidelity during adolescence, around the age of 13. This is a developmental stage where individuals begin to form their own concepts of romantic relationships. The researchers noted that discovering a parent’s betrayal during this period can be particularly impactful. It may shape how young adults view trust and loyalty in their own lives.

The statistical analysis revealed that a personal history of cheating was the strongest predictor of future intentions. Participants who admitted to cheating on a partner in a past relationship were significantly more likely to report intentions to cheat again. This supports the notion that past behavior can be a strong indicator of future inclinations. However, having been the victim of cheating in the past did not show a significant link to current infidelity intentions.

“I was not surprised to see that having cheated on a prior romantic partner was associated with higher infidelity intentions, but the strength of this relationship was greater than I expected,” Selalmaz told PsyPost.

Family history also emerged as a significant factor. Participants who knew that a parent had been unfaithful reported higher intentions to engage in infidelity themselves. This finding supports the concept of intergenerational transmission. Observing a parent’s infidelity may normalize the behavior or disrupt the development of trust. The researchers suggest that these early experiences can create a template for future relationships.

Attachment styles provided further nuance to the findings. The researchers found a positive relationship between attachment avoidance and infidelity intentions. Individuals high in avoidance often suppress their needs for intimacy to maintain a sense of independence. They may view infidelity as a way to keep an emotional distance from their primary partner. It can serve as a strategy to regulate their emotions without becoming too dependent.

In contrast, attachment anxiety was not significantly linked to infidelity intentions in this study. Individuals with high attachment anxiety typically fear abandonment. They may cling to their partners rather than risk the relationship by seeking affection elsewhere. While some theories suggest anxious individuals might cheat to find reassurance, this specific model did not support that connection.

“I was surprised that attachment avoidance, but not attachment anxiety, was related to infidelity intentions,” Erdem said. “I would expect attachment insecurity would be related to infidelity in either way. Adults with attachment avoidance struggle to be emotionally present, available, and accessible for their partners.”

“Maybe the infidelity intention is a way of distancing themselves from the demands of a long term relationship as a relief. I would expect attachment anxiety to be related to intentions to fulfill the need to belong and accept and handle the fears of rejection, but it looks like this was not the case at least for youth in our study.”

The quality of the current relationship acted as a protective factor. The researchers found that higher levels of perceived emotional intimacy were associated with lower intentions to cheat. Similarly, higher levels of sexual intimacy were linked to a lower likelihood of infidelity. This implies that when emotional and sexual needs are met within the relationship, the drive to look for alternatives diminishes.

The study also examined gender differences. In some of the statistical models, men reported higher intentions to cheat than women. This aligns with certain cultural norms in Turkey regarding gender roles and sexuality. However, as the researchers added more variables to the analysis, the significance of gender decreased. This suggests that factors like attachment style, intimacy, and personal history may be more direct drivers of infidelity than gender alone.

“There are many different factors related to cheating and every person’s experience has a unique meaning,” Selalmaz said. “In daily life, these experiences are often interpreted through moralized lenses, which may oversimplify the complex dynamics behind infidelity. Therefore, people may feel confused about the meaning of infidelity (why it occurred) and how to approach it. So, our findings suggest that infidelity intentions are related to a combination of personal history and relational dynamics, not with a single factor. Understanding one’s relational patterns, past experiences, and closeness with a romantic partner may offer valuable insight into the dynamics behind infidelity intentions.”

“An average person can take some key messages from our findings,” Erdem told PsyPost. “First and foremost, infidelity is fairly common in committed relationships, as indicated in our descriptive findings of past sexual and emotional affairs of participants as well as their parents. In addition, we see that infidelity intentions are higher for those with a history of cheating in prior relationships and avoidant-attachment style. Intentions are also higher for those whose parents had an affair.”

“There is a nuance, though. We focus on intentions, not behaviors in this study. Past actions and parental infidelity experiences are important to understand one’s intentions, but they may not necessarily result in cheating behavior. That is, there is still a lot of room for growing together as a couple, to build intimacy and connection, and have a discussion around relational needs to uncover such intentions. It also shows us that past experiences can make us vulnerable to have infidelity intentions, yet intimacy (both sexual and emotional intimacy we have with the partner) are important factors that reduce the infidelity intentions.”

“Our findings suggest, in a way, the past is not setting up a destiny for future, but it is a warning sign to keep an eye on. And we see that intimacy is a key component in building trusting relationships. Being genuinely curious about your partner’s life experiences (including past relationships and upbringing) and being open to understanding their relational needs are vital for fulfilling romantic relationships.”

As with all research, there are some limitations. The study relied on self-reported data, which depends on the honesty and self-awareness of the participants. The design was cross-sectional, meaning it captured a snapshot in time rather than following couples over years. This makes it impossible to determine cause and effect with certainty. For instance, it is unclear if a lack of intimacy leads to infidelity intentions or if the desire to cheat causes partners to withdraw emotionally.

The sample was also composed largely of educated, middle-class individuals. The findings may not apply to other demographic groups with different socioeconomic backgrounds. Additionally, the study focused on intentions rather than actual behaviors. Thinking about cheating is distinct from taking action.

Erdem also emphasized that these findings represent correlations rather than destiny: “Infidelity is a complex phenomenon. Just because we found the parental infidelity to be related to infidelity intentions of young adults does not mean that they will perform what they have seen in their families. As adults, they have agency to make decisions for their lives, family-of-origin experiences are important, but we as adults have the option to choose our path in life.”

“This is a common misunderstanding,” she continued. “Having witnessed affairs in a family does not negate the individual agency in future relationships. We can break cycles of intergenerational transmissions. Second, all our findings are correlational. For instance, lack of emotional or sexual intimacy are related to infidelity intentions. They can go both ways. When partners lack intimacy, they may look for fulfilling those needs elsewhere or when they desire to fulfill their intimacy needs elsewhere, they may not have the same intimacy with one another. We do not know the direction of this association between intimacy and infidelity, but we know that they are related to each other.”

Future research could benefit from longitudinal designs that follow couples over time. This would help clarify the direction of the relationships between intimacy, attachment, and infidelity. Erdem also expressed interest in exploring how modern definitions of infidelity are evolving. This includes investigating how interactions with artificial intelligence companions might impact romantic commitment.

“I have been reading about the role of AI companions in romantic relationships and writing about whether we can truly get ‘romantically attached’ to those companions,” Erdem said. “I am curious if a committed partner engages with an AI partner, that would be considered cheating? Where do we draw the line of infidelity in such cases? That is something I am considering to explore in my research in the future.”

“I think we also need to keep in mind who discovers parental infidelity in their families and who does not. It is possible that some children never find out about their parents’ infidelity and it remains a family secret. I am curious about the subsample in our study who reported being ‘unsure’. Does it mean they suspected infidelity or does it mean it is a family secret that everyone knows but does not want to talk about? It would be ideal to have data from their parents to explore more on this issue.”

The study, “Emerging Adults’ Infidelity Intentions in Romantic Relationships: The Role of Parental Infidelity, Adult Attachment Insecurity, and Intimacy,” was authored by Esra Selalmaz and Gizem Erdem.