New study links “destiny beliefs” to post-breakup contact and tracking

A recent study published in the journal Personal Relationships found that people who believe in soulmates are more likely to engage in post-breakup contact and tracking behaviors—such as calling, messaging, or monitoring an ex online—especially when they see the former partner as an ideal match. In contrast, those who believe relationships succeed through effort and growth showed less inclination toward these behaviors. The research, which combined results from four studies, suggests that beliefs about romantic destiny may shape how people cope with heartbreak, and that targeting these beliefs could help reduce distress after a breakup.

Romantic breakups are often described as one of the most emotionally painful events a person can go through. Many people turn to strategies that aim to maintain a connection to their ex-partner, whether through social media, messages, or physical proximity. These actions, known as post-relationship contact and tracking (PRCT), are common. While some are relatively harmless, others can border on invasive or even escalate into stalking. The goal of the current research was to understand what psychological factors predict these behaviors, with a focus on people’s underlying beliefs about how relationships work.

“In the last few years, I’ve been fascinated by how people make sense of romantic relationships and how their beliefs about relationships impact functioning and dissolution,” said study author Ashley E. Thompson, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Minnesota Duluth. “Breakups are such a common experience, yet people respond to them in very different ways. Exploring how our beliefs relate to behaviors like ‘stalking an ex” provides a window into how we can support emotional recovery and decision-making post-relationship dissolution.”

The researchers examined a framework known as implicit theories of relationships, which include two types of beliefs. Destiny beliefs reflect the idea that romantic connections are either meant to be or not—soulmate-style thinking. In contrast, growth beliefs emphasize that successful relationships are built through shared effort, communication, and the ability to overcome obstacles. The researchers hypothesized that people who hold stronger destiny beliefs would be more likely to engage in PRCT after a breakup, especially if they believed their ex was the right match.

To investigated this, the researchers conducted four separate studies using different samples and methods. The first two studies involved adults recruited online who had recently gone through a breakup. In the first study, 142 participants completed surveys measuring their relationship beliefs and how often they had engaged in a list of 22 post-breakup behaviors, including messaging their ex, trying to see them in person, or checking their social media. The results showed that those who scored higher on destiny beliefs reported more frequent PRCT behaviors. Growth beliefs, in contrast, were not significantly related to these behaviors.

The second study, with 198 participants, replicated these findings and added an important factor: perceived partner fit. Participants were asked whether they believed their ex was their “soulmate.” The researchers found that destiny beliefs predicted more frequent PRCT behaviors, but only among those who had seen their ex-partner as an ideal match. In other words, people who both believed in romantic destiny and felt they had lost “the one” were most likely to seek continued contact. This pattern was not found among those with strong growth beliefs.

To examine whether relationship beliefs could be altered—and whether this might change PRCT tendencies—the third and fourth studies used experimental methods. In Study 3, 138 adults were randomly assigned to read a fictional article that either promoted destiny beliefs, promoted growth beliefs, or served as a neutral control. Participants then imagined breaking up with their current partner and rated how likely they would be to engage in each of the 22 PRCT behaviors.

Interestingly, even though the articles did not significantly shift participants’ self-reported beliefs about relationships, the messages did affect their behavioral intentions. Those who read the article promoting destiny beliefs reported a stronger likelihood of engaging in PRCT, compared to those who read the growth-focused article.

Study 4 built on this by adding a pre-post design, in which participants completed measures of their relationship beliefs before and after reading one of the fictional articles. This allowed the researchers to directly measure belief changes. Destiny beliefs decreased after reading the growth-oriented article, and those in the growth condition again reported lower intentions to engage in PRCT. Partner fit, which was measured using a more detailed scale in these studies, did not significantly moderate the results in the final study, perhaps due to the hypothetical nature of the scenarios.

“Although the impact of partner fit on the relationship between destiny beliefs and PRCT participation was not always replicated, our study did provide some evidence that people with strong destiny beliefs, who believed that their ex-partner was their ‘soulmate,’ were the most likely to engage in PRCT,” Thompson told PsyPost. “In other words, what we found to be important was not necessarily whether someone believed in the concept of “soulmates” but whether they thought they had found theirs.”

Across all four studies, one consistent pattern did emerge: people who believe that relationships are predestined and that some partners are simply “meant to be” are more likely to struggle with letting go. They may be more prone to seek contact, track their ex’s behavior, or try to revive the connection—even when the relationship is over. On the other hand, people who believe that relationships grow through shared effort may be better able to accept a breakup and move on, recognizing that a failed relationship does not necessarily mean personal failure or lost fate.

“In a nutshell, individuals with strong destiny beliefs (who believe in a perfect fit and that relationships are either meant to be or not) were more likely to seek post-relationship contact with the ex, hoping to somehow rekindle the relationship or find a way to make it work,” Thompson explained. “With these results in mind, it is important to understand that breakups are never easy. However, to support those with strong destiny beliefs when attempting to move past a breakup, we need to encourage a growth-based approach that emphasizes the development of romantic chemistry.”

Importantly, the research also hints at the possibility that these beliefs are not entirely fixed. In the final study, exposure to growth-oriented messages helped reduce destiny beliefs and lowered participants’ willingness to engage in PRCT behaviors, at least in imagined scenarios.

But the study, like all research, has limitations. Many of the studies relied on self-report data, which may be influenced by memory bias or social desirability. The experimental articles, though based on real media formats, did not always shift relationship beliefs as intended, suggesting that more robust interventions may be needed to meaningfully alter long-held views. The measures used to assess partner fit also varied between studies, which could have influenced the consistency of moderation findings.

“I am currently extending this work by investigating the extent to which growth/destiny beliefs predict relationship burnout (defined as emotional, physical, and cognitive exhaustion experienced by romantic partners trying to attain unrealistic expectations within a relationship),” Thompson said. “Although I have been able to determine that growth and destiny beliefs affect behavior after relationship dissolution (via the current study), little is known about how these beliefs impact behavior that may lead to dissolution.”

“In particular, I am looking to explore whether those high in growth beliefs are more “burnt out,” due to the amount of work they are willing to put into their relationships as compared to those low in growth beliefs. Additionally, I am interested in determining whether people high in destiny beliefs are more likely to terminate a relationship when experiencing high levels of burnout as compared to those low in destiny beliefs.”

The study, “We Were Meant to be: Do Implicit Theories of Relationships and Perceived Partner Fit Help Explain Post-Relationship Contact and Tracking Behaviors Following a Breakup?,” was authored by Ashley E. Thompson, Katie Gooch, Rachel M. Willhite, and Lucia F. O’Sullivan.