Parental conflict may shape how mothers discipline their children

A new study published in Developmental Psychology sheds light on how conflict between parents may influence the way they discipline their young children. The findings suggest that for mothers, hostile interactions with their partner are associated with changes in how secure they feel in the relationship, which in turn relates to more harsh and less constructive approaches to discipline. These patterns were not found among fathers, pointing to possible differences in how men and women respond to relationship stress.

Past studies have consistently shown that when parents experience high levels of anger, criticism, and verbal aggression in their relationship, their caregiving can suffer. They may become more controlling, less consistent, or less responsive to their children’s needs. While this pattern is widely accepted, the psychological processes that drive it remain less clear. The current study tested one proposed explanation: that relationship stress undermines a parent’s sense of emotional support from their partner, which can ripple into how they interact with their children.

To explore this idea, the researchers drew on attachment theory, which focuses on how people manage emotional closeness and support in relationships. When someone feels secure with their romantic partner, they are more likely to cope with stress in healthy ways and to remain emotionally available for others, including their children. However, ongoing conflict may erode this sense of security, leading parents to either withdraw emotionally (attachment avoidance) or become overly worried and reactive (attachment anxiety). The study tested whether these changes in attachment security—both consciously reported and automatically processed—might explain the link between conflict and parenting behavior.

The research team recruited 235 families from a midsize city in the northeastern United States. Each family included a mother, a father, and a child between the ages of two and four. Participants were assessed annually over three years, using a combination of laboratory observations, surveys, and computerized tasks. During their first visit, couples engaged in a structured discussion about topics they frequently disagreed on. Trained observers rated the level of hostility in these interactions, including signs of verbal aggression, negativity, and emotional escalation.

Parents also completed a widely used questionnaire that measures conscious attachment patterns, including avoidance and anxiety in romantic relationships. In addition, they participated in a rapid word-sorting task designed to measure automatic, unconscious associations between their partner and words representing security or insecurity (such as “safe” or “hurtful”). This type of task taps into a level of relational belief that may not be fully available through self-reflection but still guides behavior.

Parenting practices were measured through vignettes describing common child misbehaviors, with parents indicating how likely they were to use power-assertive discipline (such as spanking), permissive discipline (such as ignoring the problem), or inductive discipline (such as explaining consequences).

The researchers then analyzed the data using structural equation modeling, which allowed them to test whether hostile conflict predicted changes in attachment, and whether those changes, in turn, predicted parenting behavior.

Among mothers, the results supported the proposed model. Higher levels of conflict between partners were linked to lower automatic attachment security one year later. This decline in attachment security was then related to an increase in power-assertive discipline the following year. In other words, when mothers experienced more hostility in their relationship, they became less likely to unconsciously associate their partner with support and comfort, and more likely to resort to harsh discipline strategies.

The study also found that mothers who developed greater attachment avoidance over time were less likely to use inductive discipline—an approach that involves calmly reasoning with the child and explaining why their behavior is inappropriate.

Interestingly, the effects of conflict on parenting through attachment did not hold for fathers. While conflict was related to increases in both attachment anxiety and avoidance for men, these changes were not significantly associated with how fathers disciplined their children. The researchers propose several possible explanations for this pattern. One is that mothers may be more sensitive to relationship stress, particularly in early childhood when they often take on more caregiving responsibilities.

Prior research suggests that women may react more strongly to signs of emotional disruption in close relationships, and that they often serve as the emotional regulators within the family. As a result, their caregiving behavior may be more vulnerable to changes in how they view their partner.

The distinction between automatic and self-reported measures of attachment also played a meaningful role. The automatic measure—based on rapid word-sorting—was a significant predictor of power-assertive discipline, while self-reported attachment avoidance predicted lower use of inductive discipline. This suggests that both conscious and unconscious representations of the romantic relationship may contribute to parenting behavior in different ways. The study highlights the value of including automatic assessments in psychological research, as they may uncover processes that are not captured by traditional questionnaires.

The researchers noted several limitations of the study. One is that discipline was assessed through self-report, which may not fully reflect actual behavior in everyday parenting situations. Future research could incorporate direct observations of parent-child interactions to build on these findings.

Another limitation concerns the automatic attachment measure, which showed low stability over time, especially for fathers. It remains unclear whether this instability reflects changes in the attachment system or measurement limitations. The sample also lacked diversity in terms of socioeconomic background and cultural representation, which may affect how broadly the findings can be applied.

Despite these limitations, the study offers new insight into how romantic relationships and parenting are connected over time. The findings suggest that for mothers of young children, the quality of the romantic relationship can shape their parenting, not only through conscious thoughts and emotions but also through subtle, automatic associations with their partner. When mothers experience conflict that erodes their sense of emotional security, they may respond by becoming more reactive and less likely to use constructive discipline strategies.

The study, “Hostile Interparental Conflict and Parental Discipline: Romantic Attachment as a Spillover Mechanism,” was authored by Cory R. Platts, Melissa L. Sturge-Apple, and Patrick T. Davies.