New research published in Evolutionary Psychological Science suggests that a person’s personality can influence the way they attempt to attract someone who is already in a relationship. The study found that individuals who are naturally inclined to be dominant are more likely to use forceful or intrusive tactics when trying to “poach” a partner, while those who are more prestige-oriented tend to employ gentler, more appealing approaches.
The motivation behind this study, conducted by Kyle E. Conlon, stemmed from a gap in our understanding of mate poaching, which refers to the act of trying to attract someone away from their current romantic partner. While previous research has explored how personality affects general mate attraction and relationship maintenance, less attention has been paid to how specific personality traits relate to the tactics people use when attempting to lure someone away from an existing relationship.
“I’ve long been interested in mating psychology, but from a scientific perspective, mate poaching is especially fascinating,” explained Conlon, a psychology professor at Stephen F. Austin State University. “Poaching a desired mate who is already in an existing exclusive relationship is both complex and risky. It requires an astute social savvy to effectively lure someone away from their current partner without raising the mated partner’s suspicion. There are advantages, but there are also substantial downsides to getting caught.”
For this study, Conlon recruited a large group of participants from a university in East Texas. A total of 559 undergraduate students participated in the study, the majority of whom identified as heterosexual. The participants, mostly women, with an average age of 19, were primarily White and non-Hispanic. Each student completed a series of questionnaires online.
First, to measure dominance and prestige orientation, participants filled out the Dominance-Prestige Scales. This questionnaire included seventeen statements designed to assess how dominant and prestige-oriented individuals perceived themselves to be. For example, to measure dominance orientation, participants rated their agreement with statements like “I enjoy having control over others” and “Others know it is better to let me have my way.” To measure prestige orientation, they responded to statements such as “I am held in high esteem by those I know” and “Others seek my advice on a variety of matters.”
Next, participants completed the Anonymous Romantic Attraction Survey. This survey was designed to assess their past experiences with mate poaching, both as someone attempting to poach and as someone being targeted for poaching. The survey asked participants to indicate how often they had tried to attract someone already in a relationship, both for a short-term sexual relationship and for a long-term relationship. They also rated how successful they were in these attempts.
Similarly, the survey asked about their experiences being the target of mate poaching attempts while they were in a relationship, again for both short-term and long-term intentions, and how successful those attempts were. The survey also collected information on their current relationship status and satisfaction.
Finally, to get a detailed understanding of the specific tactics used in mate poaching, participants completed a mate poaching enticement scale. This scale listed 51 different actions that people might use to try to attract someone in a relationship, categorized into 20 different types of tactics. For each action, participants indicated how frequently they had performed it in the past to attract someone who was already romantically involved, using a scale of “never performed this act” to “performed this act more than twice.”
After analyzing the data collected from these questionnaires, Conlon found that individuals who scored high in dominance orientation reported more attempts at mate poaching and they also reported greater success in these attempts. Furthermore, they were more likely to report being targeted for mate poaching themselves.
When examining specific mate poaching tactics, dominance orientation showed a positive association with a wide range of tactics, including both seemingly positive ones like “using humor” and “demonstrating resources,” as well as more negative or forceful tactics. Notably, dominance orientation was strongly associated with tactics like “derogating one’s current partner,” “inviting meddling into the relationship,” and “occupying the mate’s time.”
Prestige orientation presented a different picture. It was not significantly related to how often people attempted or succeeded at mate poaching. However, individuals with high prestige orientation did report being targeted for mate poaching, but interestingly, they were less likely to be successfully poached. This suggests that while they were seen as desirable targets, they were also more resistant to being lured away.
Regarding specific tactics, prestige orientation was positively associated with more prosocial tactics like “being generous” and “using humor.” In contrast to dominance orientation, prestige orientation was negatively associated with using the tactic of “getting the mate drunk.”
“I found it interesting that dominance-oriented individuals tried a lot of different strategies, whereas prestige-oriented individuals were seemingly more selective in the strategies they used,” Conlon told PsyPost.
In terms of gender differences, men in the study reported being more dominance-oriented than women. Men were also more likely to report having attempted to poach both short-term and long-term partners and indicated they were more often successfully poached as short-term partners themselves. Looking at specific poaching tactics, men reported more frequently using tactics like “occupying the desired partner’s time,” “waiting around,” and “derogating their current partner” compared to women.
“This work suggests that individuals may adopt mate poaching strategies in line with their self-perceived dominance and prestige,” Conlon explained. “Whereas dominant people may poach by saying negative things about someone’s partner or by trying to interfere directly with the relationship, people high in prestige take a different approach. Instead, prestigious people attempt to be funny, kind, and generous – in short, they leverage their prestige to attract away a currently mated partner.”
But as with all research, there are limitations to consider. Firstly, the study relied on self-reported measures of dominance, prestige, and mate poaching behaviors, which could be influenced by social desirability bias or inaccuracies in self-perception. Participants might have underreported socially undesirable behaviors like mate poaching, or they might not accurately assess their own levels of dominance and prestige. Secondly, the sample consisted primarily of young undergraduate students, which could limit the generalizability of the findings.
Looking ahead, future research should build on these findings by including a more diverse sample and by considering additional factors that might play a role in mate poaching. One promising direction is to examine how these self-perceptions of dominance and prestige relate to other personality traits.
“I think it would be interesting to see how these variables relate to other individual differences such as the Dark Triad traits,” Conlon said.
The study, “You Stole My Heart: Mate Poaching Tactics of Dominance- and Prestige-Oriented Individuals,” was published February 5, 2025.
