Singlehood is increasingly celebrated among women, but the pressure to couple up persists

“Single positivity” celebrates women’s independence, but that approval seems to fade as women age and face renewed pressure to find a partner, according to research published in Sociological Research Online.

Single women have historically been portrayed as lonely, undesirable, or personally deficient because couplehood is treated as the normal and preferable way to live. These judgments are particularly gendered. For example, women may be expected to reach milestones such as partnership, marriage, and motherhood in a prescribed order and within a socially acceptable timeframe. Although being single may be considered normal during young adulthood, previous research suggests that it becomes increasingly stigmatized as women age and their single status is seen as long-term.

More recently, popular culture has promoted “single positivity,” presenting singlehood as an empowering opportunity for independence, personal growth, and self-love. Yet these messages may also reflect a postfeminist and neoliberal culture in which women are encouraged to solve difficulties through confidence, positive thinking, and continual self-improvement.

Alicia Denby examined whether this newer, more celebratory portrayal had genuinely transformed attitudes toward single women in the United Kingdom or whether it continued to preserve the expectation that women should eventually couple.

The qualitative study included 19 single women between the ages of 21 and 52. Participants were recruited through a public advertisement posted on the author’s social-media profiles. Seventeen women responded directly, while two were recruited through referrals from existing participants. Eligibility participants were between ages 18-65 who identified as single; participants defined singlehood for themselves. The final sample included women who had never been partnered, women who were divorced, and women who were dating but not in committed relationships.

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The sample was predominantly White British and disproportionately composed of heterosexual women in their twenties. Between June 2022 and April 2023, participants completed life-story interviews lasting from 30 minutes to two hours. Eleven interviews took place in person at locations chosen by participants, including university study spaces, cafés, restaurants, homes, and workplaces; six were conducted through Zoom and two through Microsoft Teams. With participants’ consent, interviews were audio-recorded, transcribed, anonymized using pseudonyms, and examined through reflexive thematic analysis.

Women in their twenties and early thirties commonly described singlehood as a period of self-discovery, self-prioritization, and self-love. Being single gave them space to pursue careers, friendships, travel, hobbies, and personal interests without accommodating a partner. Some credited feminist self-help books, podcasts, and social-media content with helping them become more confident and accepting of single life.

Several had become “defiantly single”—rather than entering an unsatisfying relationship simply to avoid being alone, they would consider a partner only if that person added something meaningful to an already fulfilling life. Denby found that this seemingly empowering message presented another ideal women were expected to meet: the confident, self-reliant single woman who had successfully “worked on herself.” Feelings such as loneliness could consequently become difficult to acknowledge because they conflicted with the demand to remain positive. 

For most participants, single positivity also had an expiry date. Although women generally viewed singlehood as acceptable or enjoyable in their twenties, many expected to feel mounting pressure as they approached 30 or their late thirties. Partnership remained the anticipated long-term destination, while singlehood was treated as a temporary period of preparation and personal growth. Women who remained happily and voluntarily single in their forties and fifties described having their contentment questioned or dismissed because others assumed that a relationship was necessary for happiness. Single positivity therefore appeared to broaden the identities available to younger single women without displacing the underlying couple norm; women could celebrate being single, but were still expected to settle down eventually.

Denby notes that the sample predominantly included White, cisgender, heterosexual, able-bodied women in their twenties and early thirties. Consequently, the study could not adequately determine how single-positive messages intersect with race, socioeconomic class, disability, or other identities.

This study shows that replacing negative stereotypes with upbeat messages about singlehood does not necessarily eliminate social pressure. It may simply make singlehood acceptable for a limited period before conventional expectations surrounding partnership re-emerge.

The study, “The Temporal Limits of Single Positivity: Single Women in Postfeminist Culture,” was authored by Alicia Denby.