How do you get a romantic relationship to last? New research published in Evolutionary Psychology explores this question within a Greek-speaking population by closely studying the strategies people employ to improve their romantic life. The researchers found that men and women across all ages generally agreed on the strategies they were willing to use, and how effective they would be in improving their romantic relationship.
The end of a romantic relationship considerably reduces one’s reproductive success or fitness. Thus, it makes sense that evolution selected for strategies that would reduce the chances of losing your romantic partner to another. These can be categorized into cost-inflicting behaviors and benefit-provisioning behaviors.
The former are those that decrease the chances of partner defection by reducing a partner’s self esteem, making them feel unworthy of the relationship, while the latter are behaviors that increase a partner’s satisfaction with the relationship. In this work, Menelaos Apostolou and colleagues specifically looked into benefit-provisioning mate retention strategies.
Mate retention strategies are needed to reduce relationship strain. Problems between couples typically arise from a lack of commitment and support, lacking desirable traits or showing undesirable ones, and constraining a partner by being controlling. As such, the researchers predicted that giving a partner space, showing one’s commitment to the relationship, providing support, and showcasing desirable traits, would to a degree address the sources of relationship strain.
In Study 1, 219 participants wrote down past behaviors they have engaged in, or things they would likely do in the future, to improve their relationship. A total of 81 acts were derived from participant responses.
In Study 2, 511 participants were prompted to imagine they were in a romantic relationship, and to indicate how likely they would be to perform the 81 acts identified in Study 1 to improve their relationship, on a scale of 1 to 5 (e.g., Give my partner more space; Try to understand her/his needs).
In Study 3, 367 participants were told to imagine they were in a romantic relationship, and were given a list of the 81 acts their partner is likely to engage in. For each act, they indicated how effective they believed it would be in improving the relationship with their partner. Across all three studies, participants provided demographic information in the second part of the study.
The research team identified a total of 81 acts that they were able to classify into 14 broader strategies that people use to improve their romantic relationships; of these, trying to understand a partner’s needs, discussing problems with them, and showing interest in them, were the most likely to be used, and rated as the most effective.
Efforts of self-improvement and enhancing appearances were the least likely to be employed, and were also the least effective. These strategies were also categorizable into two domains, focusing on one’s partner, or focusing on one’s self. Participants did not find the strategies that fell into the latter domain to be particularly effective at improving romantic relationships.
The one act for which men and women differed in how willing they were to use it was making concessions and compromises, with men being more willing than women. As well, women found showing interest in one’s partner, and being less withdrawn and grumpy, to be more effective.
A limitation to this work is that it was confined to Greek culture, and thus may not generalize to other cultural contexts. As well, the research utilized self-report measures, which could produce biased responses if participants were unable to accurately assess their likelihood to engage in these acts, and how effective they would find them if used toward them.
Apostolou and colleagues conclude, “The complexity of the phenomenon requires considerable more theoretical and empirical work if relationship enhancement strategies are to be better understood.”
The research, “I Want Our Relationship to Last: Strategies That People Employ in Order to Improve Their Intimate Relationships”, was authored by Menelaos Apostolou, Maria Argyridou, Eirini Evaggelia Nikoloudi, and Timo Juhani Lajunen.