A new study published in the Journal of Personality suggests that having a highly narcissistic and antagonistic partner is associated with lower overall relationship satisfaction. Yet, this personality trait does not necessarily cause satisfaction to drop at a faster rate over time. The findings challenge the popular idea that romantic relationships with narcissistic individuals start off incredibly satisfying before inevitably crashing into dysfunction.
Scientists Gwendolyn Seidman and William J. Chopik conducted this research to better understand how specific traits associated with narcissism affect romantic relationships over long periods. Narcissism is a personality trait characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance and a deep need for excessive attention.
“Most of the research on narcissism focuses on the narcissistic partner themselves. However, many theories on why narcissism is interpersonally harmful emphasize its potential effects on narcissists’ partners, not just the narcissists themselves. This study documents how these traits could affect both partners’ relationship satisfaction over time,” said study author Gwendolyn Seidman, an associate professor of psychology at Michigan State University.
“These theories also focus on differences between short- and long-term effects of narcissism in relationships. Narcissists tend to make positive impressions at first acquaintance but are prone to destructive behaviors over the long term. A goal of this study was determine if narcissism produces a downward trajectory in partner’s relationship satisfaction.”
Past frameworks, like the “Chocolate Cake Model” proposed by researchers Amy Brunell and W. Keith Campbell, propose that dating a narcissistic person is highly pleasurable at first but becomes unhealthy later. To test this idea, Seidman and Chopik focused on two distinct dimensions of grandiose narcissism. These dimensions are known as admiration and rivalry.
Narcissistic admiration involves a strong desire to be uniquely special, which is often displayed through charming behavior and self-promotion. Narcissistic rivalry is a more hostile trait that involves looking down on others. People high in rivalry act aggressively to maintain a feeling of superiority.
Seidman and Chopik wanted to see if these two traits caused relationship satisfaction to plummet as the initial charm of a new romance faded. To find answers, the researchers analyzed data from a large, nationally representative survey of German adults and their romantic partners.
The full group included 5,869 couples of varying relationship lengths. A smaller subgroup consisted of 533 couples who had been dating for less than a year. Tracking these distinct groups allowed the scientists to compare brand new romances with established commitments.
To collect data, the researchers had the primary participants complete a short questionnaire. This survey measured their levels of both narcissistic admiration and narcissistic rivalry on a scale from one to five.
For up to six years, both the main participants and their romantic partners rated their overall relationship satisfaction. They did this using a simple scale ranging from zero for very dissatisfied to ten for very satisfied. This dual-perspective approach provided a more complete picture of the relationship dynamics.
The researchers found evidence that narcissistic rivalry tends to be harmful to relationship satisfaction. In the larger group of established couples, higher levels of rivalry were linked to lower overall satisfaction for both the narcissistic individuals and their partners.
The researchers noted that this negative effect was much stronger for the narcissistic individuals themselves than for their partners. People high in rivalry might feel entitled to perfect relationships. This sense of entitlement could leave them chronically disappointed regardless of how well their partner treats them.
In the smaller group of very new relationships, narcissistic rivalry did not lower relationship satisfaction. “I was surprised to find that the negative effects of narcissism were present in the full sample of couples, but not the newer couples who had been together between 1 and 6 years,” Seidman told PsyPost. “These newer couples showed no association between narcissism and satisfaction. So, these newer relationships were more resilient than we expected.”
The researchers propose that partners might overlook or fail to notice hostile behaviors during the early honeymoon phase of a romance. New couples are often on their best behavior and hide their flaws.
Narcissistic admiration, on the other hand, was not linked to relationship satisfaction in either group. The charming aspects of narcissism simply did not predict how happy people were with their romantic partners over time.
When looking at changes over the full six-year period, relationship satisfaction generally declined for most couples. This is a common pattern in relationship research as the initial excitement of romance naturally settles into routine.
The scientists originally suspected that satisfaction would plummet steeply for couples dealing with high levels of narcissistic rivalry. They expected to see a sharp drop as the narcissistic partner’s hostile traits became impossible to ignore.
Instead, the data indicates that satisfaction decreased at roughly the same pace for everyone. A partner’s level of narcissism did not speed up the decline of happiness. The relationship satisfaction of couples with a highly rivalrous partner started lower, but it dropped at the exact same rate as couples without narcissistic traits.
“We found that there was no straight downward trajectory in relationship satisfaction for narcissistic individuals or their partners,” Seidman said. “We expected to find that there would be this clear downward slope, especially in newer relationships. We actually found that in new relationships (those that began within a year of the first data collection), narcissism was not associated with lower satisfaction. That association only showed up in the full sample where couples varied quite a bit in how long they been together. This suggests that narcissism is corrosive, but there isn’t a drop-off in those early years of the relationship. It shows up gradually and in a non-linear fashion.”
These findings do not mean that narcissistic rivalry is harmless in the long run. The scientists suggest that the damage caused by a hostile partner might happen in sudden bursts during major conflicts. These sudden turning points might not be captured well by a slow, steady decline in yearly surveys.
Additionally, narcissistic rivalry might gradually wear down a partner’s self-esteem or sense of independence. This emotional toll could occur without necessarily changing a person’s simple rating of global relationship satisfaction. People might remain satisfied with the relationship while still suffering emotional costs.
The study has a few limitations to consider when interpreting the findings. The scientists relied on a very brief questionnaire to measure personality traits and used only a single question to track relationship satisfaction. This limited approach might miss subtle shifts in how a couple communicates or supports one another.
The study also focused heavily on couples in established relationships who were willing to participate in a multi-year project together. Highly dysfunctional couples might have broken up before the study even began. This means the most toxic relationships might be invisible to the researchers.
“The study examined levels of narcissistic traits in the general population,” Seidman noted. “These traits vary on a continuum – there is no firm cut-off to determine if a person is a narcissist. This research also doesn’t bear on people who have narcissistic personality disorder who likely would not be a large proportion of participants in a sample like this.”
Future studies should use more detailed questionnaires and track couples more frequently during the first few months of dating. Measuring couples every few weeks could reveal exactly when the negative traits of narcissism begin to cause friction. The researchers also plan to measure other relationship outcomes.
“I am planning to go beyond outcomes like overall relationships satisfaction,” Seidman said. “In my latest project, I’m focusing on how narcissistic people can undermine their partners’ basic needs for agency and competence.”
The study, “From Spark to Strain? Changes in Relationship Satisfaction as a Function of Narcissistic Admiration and Rivalry,” was authored by Gwendolyn Seidman and William J. Chopik.
