A set of interviews with young women in the United States revealed that their mixed feelings toward sex stem from conflicting social norms. Participating women expressed a desire to have sex with their partners, guided by social norms that valorized such encounters, but they were also influenced by coexisting norms that stigmatized sexual activity. The paper was published in Sexualities.
Gender norms are socially constructed beliefs that dictate how individuals should behave based on their gender. These norms typically reinforce traditional expectations, such as the idea that men should be sexually assertive while women should be more reserved. In many cultures, deviating from these expectations can lead to social stigma or judgment, influencing individuals’ choices and behaviors.
These norms also shape perceptions of sexuality. In most cultures, men are encouraged to prioritize pleasure, while women are expected to focus on emotional connection. However, evolving social attitudes and movements are challenging traditional norms, advocating for more inclusive and liberal perspectives on sexuality.
Gender norms tend to be particularly powerful in regulating the sexual behavior of young women. While cultural changes in recent decades have allowed women greater freedom to engage in casual sex, they still face reprisals for sexual behaviors deemed inappropriate. They also worry that others might apply stigmatizing labels to them (e.g., “slut”) based on their sexual activity.
Study authors Krystale E. Littlejohn and Benjamin R. Weiss note that young women can simultaneously want and not want sex with a particular person. They refer to this phenomenon as psycho-social sexual ambivalence and argue that it stems from conflicting gender norms surrounding heterosexual behavior. These researchers conducted a study to explore the issue of sexual ambivalence in more detail.
The study participants were 20 young women between the ages of 20 and 29 from two community colleges and two research universities in the San Francisco Bay area. They were drawn from a larger study that aimed to gather retrospective sexual histories from participants to understand why they did not always use contraception when they did not want to become pregnant.
The study authors conducted in-depth interviews with these women between 2009 and 2011. The interviews lasted between 1 and 3 hours. For this analysis, the researchers selected women who discussed sexual ambivalence in at least one sexual encounter with one of their partners.
The results showed no differences in experiences of ambivalence based on pregnancy history. Of the 20 participants, 12 had never been pregnant, while 8 had experienced pregnancy. Eight women reported ambivalence with more than one partner.
The interviews revealed that young women face conflicting norms about how they should behave while exploring their sexuality. While some norms frame engaging in sexual intercourse as “no big deal,” other norms emphasize the preservation of virginity or abstaining from sex unless it is with a “special” partner.
“Women experiencing sexual ambivalence often do not have access to a normative toolkit that helps them understand the experience of simultaneously wanting and not wanting sex and the complex mix of positive and negative feelings that can accompany encounters that they understand as fully consensual,” the study authors concluded. “Moreover, they may not even recognize that the norms operating in their social contexts might be giving rise to their feelings to begin with. Instead, women in the study experienced confusion and shame or excitement that felt tinged with something less positive. Giving voice to people’s experiences and creating room for the continuum of feelings about sex requires interrogating binary constructions of sexual desire.”
The study contributes to the scientific understanding of the sexual experiences of young women. However, it should be noted that this is a qualitative study involving a small group of young women from the San Francisco Bay area. Results from women in other regions and cultures may differ.
The paper, ““It definitely was consensual, but…”: Normative tensions about gendered heterosexuality and young women’s mixed feelings about sex,” was authored by Krystale E. Littlejohn and Benjamin R. Weiss.