Dishonest individuals are more likely to have their friends keep an eye on their romantic partners, according to research published in the journal Personal Relationships.
The study examined how personality traits like honesty affected mate retention tactics, meaning behaviors designed to minimize the risk of partner infidelity. Specifically, the study examined coalitional mate retention tactics — or mate retention with the help of social allies, such as friends.
Some examples of coalitional mate retention tactics include: your friend monitoring your partner’s behavior for signs of infidelity, your friend repairing relationship problems between you and your partner, your friend physically attacking a romantic rival, and your friend saying positive things about you to your partner.
The study of 150 women and 177 men in committed, heterosexual relationships found individuals who scored higher on a measure of honesty tended to request coalitional mate retention less frequently.
PsyPost interviewed the study’s corresponding author, Michael Pham. Read his responses below:
PsyPost: Why were you interested in this topic?
Pham: I founded the area of “coalitional mate retention” in response to personal experiences I faced. Years ago, I was pursuing someone living in Pittsburgh and I was living far away in Michigan. She is a classic “perfect 10” in every way, and I knew I was going to face competition in the mating market. We all know the idea of a “wingman” — someone who assists a friend in obtaining a mate. I was curious about what allies do after the relationship is established. Do friends continue to “wing” by helping maintain the health of the relationship? If so, how do they do it?
What should the average person take away from your study?
In society, we tout the merits of honesty and communication in relationships. However, sometimes we need to “read between the lines” to function in our romantic relationships. (For example, think about the difference between getting a gift from a partner who acted spontaneously, versus getting a gift from a partner because you explicitly request it). Coalitional mate retention is a solution to this: Perhaps you want to buy a ring for your partner, but you don’t know the ring size. You can ask a mutual friend to keep things a surprise.
The current research documented that people who are more dishonest are more likely to use coalitional mate retention. However, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as my example above demonstrates. Honesty is generally good, but you shouldn’t have to ask for every tiny thing from your partner. Humans naturally develop expectations for themselves, for their partner, and for their relationships, and navigating that area is the fun (and sometimes bad) part of a relationship.
Are there any major caveats? What questions still need to be addressed?
There is a crisis of failure to replicate and validate studies in psychology. The instrument that I developed is the first of its kind to measure coalitional mate retention, so this still needs to be validated. One of my brilliant collaborators, Nicole Barbaro, is currently leading a separate study to validate this instrument — for which I am extremely grateful. She’s also published excellent work on mate retention in other areas, such as differences in mate retention between parents and non-parents. I highly recommend checking that out!
Is there anything else you would like to add?
I’d like to use this space to plug Oakland University. Their psychology department launched a graduate program a few years ago, and it has grown significantly with each passing year. Almost all the major research on mate retention comes from that program. The department chair (and my former advisor), Dr. Todd Shackelford, has done a remarkable job in building that program from the ground up. Your readers who are interested in this kind of research should take a closer look at Oakland University’s amazing psychology program.
The study was titled: “Dishonest individuals request more frequent mate retention from friends.”
