Having an unclear sense of self makes people less selective about romantic compatibility

People with a less clear sense of self are less selective when evaluating potential romantic partners, particularly when assessing less compatible matches, according to a study published in Self & Identity.

Romantic relationships significantly impact personal well-being, yet many relationships fail. Compatibility—how well two people “fit” together—is key for relationship success. Research indicates that similarity in attitudes and personality increases compatibility, leading to smoother, more positive interactions.

Assessing compatibility requires individuals to have a clear understanding of their own personal attributes to effectively judge self-other “fit.” Researchers Dita Kubin and colleagues investigated whether individuals with lower self-concept clarity (SCC), a measure of how clearly and confidently people understand themselves, are less effective at using similarity information when evaluating potential romantic partners.

Previous studies have shown that people with lower SCC struggle with similarity judgments in consumer decision-making, but this study is the first to examine whether this extends to romantic partner selection.

The researchers conducted four studies to investigate this question. In total, 758 participants took part in the research, recruited from Amazon Mechanical Turk (MTurk) or a Canadian university. All participants were required to be single, between 18 and 40 years old, and interested in dating. In each study, participants first completed a validated Self-Concept Clarity Scale, which measures how clearly and confidently they understand their own personality traits, values, and beliefs. Additionally, they completed a self-esteem scale, as self-esteem is closely related to SCC and could otherwise confound the results.

Participants were presented with a series of fictitious dating profiles. Before viewing these profiles, they rated themselves on various personality traits and attitudes. These self-ratings were then used to generate profiles that were either highly similar, moderately similar, or dissimilar to the participant.

Profiles contained a gender-neutral silhouette, generic personal details (such as initials and age range), and key traits and attitudes that were systematically varied based on similarity. Participants were led to believe that these were real profiles collected from previous research. They were asked to rate each profile based on attraction and perceived compatibility—how much they liked the person and whether they thought they would be a good match.

The first three studies followed this general methodology. Study 1 used MTurk participants and tested the general effect of SCC on partner evaluations. Study 2 replicated the design but used a university student sample, ensuring that the findings applied across different populations. Study 3 pre-registered its hypotheses based on findings from Studies 1 and 2, providing stronger evidence for the emerging pattern.

Study 4 introduced additional complexity by adding two intermediate similarity levels, expanding the similarity scale from three levels (low, moderate, and high) to five levels (low, low/moderate, moderate, moderate/high, and high). Study 4 also introduced a new measure to assess certainty in partner evaluations, allowing researchers to explore whether those lower in SCC were not just less selective but also less confident in their romantic judgments.

Across all four studies, the results consistently showed that people with lower self-concept clarity evaluated less similar potential partners more positively than those with higher SCC. This suggests that individuals with an unclear sense of self were less discriminating when evaluating potential romantic partners, particularly when the profile showed moderate or low similarity.

In contrast, individuals with higher SCC were more selective, showing a clear preference for highly similar partners and a stronger tendency to rule out less similar ones. Importantly, SCC did not seem to affect evaluations of highly similar profiles; both high- and low-SCC individuals rated these profiles positively, suggesting that most people find highly compatible matches appealing regardless of their level of self-concept clarity.

The pattern of results was replicated across different participant samples in Studies 1 and 2 and was further confirmed by the pre-registered design of Study 3. Study 4 revealed that those with lower SCC were not only more open to less similar partners but also less certain about their evaluations overall. This finding suggests that a weaker sense of self may make it harder to assess compatibility, which in turn leads to greater ambiguity in romantic decision-making.

These results suggest that having a well-defined sense of self appears to help individuals make more confident and selective choices, while those with a more confused self-concept may struggle to assess compatibility and become more open to a wider range of partners, including those who might not be ideal matches.

One limitation is the study’s reliance on artificial dating profiles, which may not fully capture the complexities of real-world romantic decision-making. As well, while the methodology mimicked online dating environments, real-life interactions involve additional factors such as physical attraction, communication style, and social context, which may influence partner selection.

The study, “Ruling out potential dating partners: the role of self-concept clarity in initial romantic partner evaluations,” was authored by Dita Kubin, Jens Kreitewolf, and John E. Lydon.