New research has found a link between narcissism and holding a grudge. The findings indicate that people who exhibit vulnerable narcissism tend to hold onto feelings of hurt longer, especially if they also display traits of grandiose narcissism. This understanding sheds new light on the emotional complexities of grudge holding in interpersonal relationships. The research was published in The Journal of Social Psychology.
This research was motivated by a gap in understanding about how people respond to interpersonal conflicts and transgressions. While previous studies have focused on forgiveness and revenge in such situations, there has been a lack of understanding about the act of holding a grudge. The researchers aimed to fill this gap by exploring how different forms of narcissism – particularly vulnerable and grandiose narcissism – influence our tendency to harbor grudges after interpersonal transgressions.
Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by internal feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, hypersensitivity to criticism, and covert needs for validation, often manifesting in passive-aggressive behaviors and a sense of victimization. Conversely, grandiose narcissism is marked by overt expressions of self-importance, high confidence, a desire for attention and admiration, and dominant social behaviors.
While vulnerable narcissists internally struggle with self-esteem and are emotionally distressed by perceived slights, grandiose narcissists display an inflated sense of their abilities and accomplishments, often externalizing blame and maintaining an unbothered front in the face of criticism or failure.
“People experience interpersonal transgressions and find ways to manage them, often through holding a grudge, seeking revenge, and forgiving,” said study author Jingyuan (Sophie) Li, a PhD candidate in the Social & Personality Psychology program at York University in Toronto.
“My interest is largely in grudge-holding because we believe that it is common and important but understudied. At this point, we believe that grudge-holding has a self-protective role in the social motivation process. Some other work from our social motivation lab (Struthers et al., 2019, JEPA) shows that grudges are held when we have low social power and face ongoing threats of future transgressions.”
“Unlike forgiving, which can sometimes lead to repeated transgression if the offender does not suffer any consequence for their wrongdoings, or revenge, which might bring counter revenge, making things worse, holding a grudge can let people stay on guard without escalating the conflicts. Narcissism caught my attention because people with these traits handle interpersonal relationships in complex ways. They feel good about themselves, but their positive images can also be fragile. Those with vulnerable narcissism should be motivated to protect themselves and might harbor more grudges.”
In the first study, researchers focused on a group of 121 undergraduate psychology students. They used a detailed questionnaire, the Brief-Pathological Narcissism Inventory, to measure the students’ levels of vulnerable and grandiose narcissism. Participants were asked to recall and describe a personal experience where they felt wronged by someone in the past six months. The Grudge Aspect Measure was then used to assess their grudge-holding tendencies, focusing on disdain for the transgressor, emotional persistence of the grudge, and perceived longevity of their negative feelings.
The results were intriguing. There were no clear links found between either form of narcissism and the aspects of grudge holding. However, a significant interaction was observed between vulnerable and grandiose narcissism in relation to emotional persistence. Specifically, participants who scored high in vulnerable narcissism reported stronger feelings of emotional persistence, especially if they also scored high in grandiose narcissism.
Building on the findings of the first study, the second study expanded the scope to include 118 adults from the general community. This sample allowed for a more representative understanding of the findings. The same methods were employed to assess narcissism and grudge holding, with an additional measure to gauge participants’ rumination – their tendency to continuously think about the transgression.
In this study, a clear relationship was found between vulnerable narcissism and two aspects of grudge holding: emotional persistence and perceived longevity of negative feelings. Interestingly, those with higher levels of grandiose narcissism also tended to view the transgressor with disdain.
Most notably, the second study found that rumination played a mediating role in the relationship between narcissism and grudge holding. This suggests that the more individuals ruminate about the transgression, the stronger the impact of their narcissistic traits on their grudge-holding behavior.
“Our research found that people who are sensitive or insecure but also think highly of themselves (vulnerable and grandiose narcissism) tend to hold onto grudges more because they ruminate about the transgression they experienced,” Li told PsyPost. “Basically, if someone has a big ego but is also easily hurt, they are more likely to hold a grudge when they can’t stop thinking about how they’ve been wronged.”
While these studies provide valuable insights, the researchers acknowledge certain limitations. The reliance on nonexperimental methods means that causation cannot be definitively established. The researchers suggest more controlled experimental studies to further investigate these relationships.
“One limitation of our study is that we can’t say that narcissistic traits cause grudge-holding; we only know they’re associated,” Li explained. “Also, we didn’t explore how these traits are associated with other responses like forgiveness or revenge. As noted above, previous work from our lab suggests that less powerful people are more prone to hold grudges rather than seek revenge. Future research investigating the role of social power would be important to determine whether vulnerable narcissism is related to feeling powerless and if that influences the motivation to hold a grudge over seeking revenge.”
The study, “The association between victims’ vulnerable and grandiose narcissism and grudge holding“, was authored by Jingyuan Li, C. Ward Struthers, Dmytro O. Rebrov, Ariel Shoikhedbrod, and Joshua R. Guilfoyle.
