A recent study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy highlights the role of sexual boredom in shaping sexual and relationship satisfaction among women in long-term monogamous relationships. The research reveals that sexual boredom serves as a key factor mediating the relationship between sexual desire—both for a partner and for others—and satisfaction. Interestingly, the study found that experiencing desire for attractive non-partners does not necessarily undermine sexual or relationship satisfaction unless accompanied by sexual boredom.
Long-term relationships often experience shifts in sexual dynamics, making it important to understand the factors that influence satisfaction. Previous research has shown that sexual boredom is linked to diminished satisfaction, yet its exact mechanisms remained unclear. The researchers aimed to clarify whether sexual boredom acts as a bridge between sexual desire and satisfaction, helping to explain how and why desire for a partner or for others affects overall well-being in romantic relationships.
“As a clinician, I feel sexual desire issues are frequently related to boredom in sexual relationships,” said study author Leonor de Oliveira (@theboredsexologist), a postdoctoral fellow at the Eli Coleman Institute for Sex and Gender Health at the University of Minnesota and author of Is it Normal? When we Talk About Sexuality the Answer is Usually Yes.
There are many other clinicians and sex experts that acknowledge this, including Esther Perel, David Schnarch, and Dan Savage, to name a few. However, research falls short in providing answers and insight on the exact mechanisms at play. I wanted to solve that.
The study involved 1,155 Portuguese women in long-term monogamous relationships lasting at least a year. Most participants were heterosexual, with a smaller proportion identifying as lesbian, bisexual, or pansexual. They ranged in age from 18 to 66, with an average age of approximately 32 years. The participants were recruited online and asked to complete a series of validated questionnaires assessing their sexual boredom, sexual desire, sexual satisfaction, and relationship satisfaction.
To measure sexual boredom, the researchers used the Portuguese adaptation of the Sexual Boredom Scale, which evaluates feelings of monotony and lack of stimulation in one’s sexual life. Sexual desire was assessed using the Sexual Desire Inventory-2, which distinguishes between partner-related and other-related desires. Sexual and relationship satisfaction were measured using the New Sexual Satisfaction Scale and the Global Measure of Relationship Satisfaction, respectively.
Sexual boredom emerged as a stronger predictor of both sexual and relationship satisfaction than either partner-related or other-related sexual desire. Women with lower levels of sexual boredom reported higher satisfaction in these areas. Furthermore, the researchers observed that sexual boredom mediated the effects of sexual desire on satisfaction. In other words, higher sexual desire for a partner was associated with lower levels of sexual boredom, which, in turn, predicted greater sexual and relationship satisfaction.
“Our research shows that feeling bored with your sex life can be a big reason why people experience lower sexual and relationship satisfaction,” de Oliveira told PsyPost. “We found that sexual boredom acts as a kind of bridge, connecting low sexual desire to unhappiness in these areas. In fact, about one-third of how satisfied someone feels with their sex life, and just over a quarter of how happy they feel in their relationship, can be linked to this boredom.”
Another key finding was the nuanced role of sexual desire for attractive non-partners. Contrary to the common perception that such desires inherently undermine relationship satisfaction, the study found that these desires do not predict dissatisfaction unless accompanied by sexual boredom. When sexual boredom is low, desire for attractive others does not lead to dissatisfaction, suggesting that such desires may be a normal and even benign aspect of human experience in long-term relationships.
“In our study, we looked at two types of sexual desire: the desire someone feels for their partner and the desire they might feel for someone else they find attractive,” de Oliveira explained. “We found that feeling desire for your partner is linked to higher satisfaction in both your sex life and your relationship, especially when there’s little to no sexual boredom.”
“On the other hand, feeling attracted to someone outside the relationship was linked to lower satisfaction, but only because of the role of sexual boredom—it didn’t have a direct effect by itself. This suggests that other factors we didn’t measure also influence how desire for a partner relates to satisfaction, but when it comes to attraction to others, sexual boredom is the main reason it impacts satisfaction.”
The research provides evidence that the presence or absence of sexual boredom can significantly alter the impact of desire on a relationship. But as with all research, there are caveats. The cross-sectional design makes it difficult to determine causation. Additionally, the sample was predominantly composed of young, educated women, which may limit the generalizability of the findings to other populations.
“Our sample was non-probabilistic and consisted of volunteers who were relatively young and highly educated,” de Oliveira noted. “It is also possible that those who freely offer to answer questions about their sexuality are not very representative of the general population in their attitudes about sex.”
Future research could explore these dynamics in more diverse groups, including men, non-monogamous relationships, and older individuals. Longitudinal studies could also track how sexual boredom develops and fluctuates over time.
“In my wildest dreams, I would solve everyone’s sexual boredom and prevent the over-pathologizing of people—women, as seen in this study, but not only—who present with lower sexual desire than their partners by explaining the exact mechanisms and circumstances in which sexual boredom operates,” de Oliveira said.
“I want to highlight that boredom in itself is not threatening. We all feel bored at times for one reason or another and sex is not an exception. Boredom signals that we might need to change something to feel more excitement and pleasure. Like in any other area of our lives, when we are bored, we seek novel or engaging stimuli. Very often this will mean that we need to have a vulnerable conversation with a partner about sex, which many people find challenging. Boredom is not the problem, but discussing our sexual preferences or needs with our partners might be.”
The study, “The Mediating Role of Sexual Boredom in Women’s Sexual Desire and Satisfaction,” was authored by Leonor de Oliveira, Pablo Vallejo-Medina, and Joana Carvalho.
