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You’re trying to get noticed in a crowded dating market. But as new research shows, the very strategies that grab attention might be the exact ones pushing love away.
When my daughter was a teenager, she uploaded a photo of herself in a revealing swimsuit to social media—something many teens do. My parental instincts kicked in, and I asked her to take it down. My concern wasn’t just about the wrong kind of attention (or even predatory audiences). It was also about the message the photo sent: “This is what I have for sale,” when I knew she had so much more to offer.
I shared this concern with a friend, expecting support. Instead, he looked at me like I was overreacting. “She’s attractive, and that’s part of how people get noticed,” my friend said. “Why not use that? Once she gets the attention she wants, she can reveal the deeper, more sophisticated parts of herself.”
Dating app users face the same dilemma every day.
On the one hand, they want to stand out in a brutally competitive dating market. And a sexy photo can do that fast. After all, photos are the gatekeepers of dating apps1: if someone’s profile picture doesn’t catch your eye, swiping left is almost automatic. You may never even get to their personality.
On the other hand, that same strategy may have unintended consequences:
- Objectification: Potential partners may see you as a means to fulfill their fantasy rather than a person with thoughts and desires of your own.
- Competence bias: They may assume a sexy body is all you have to offer, perceiving you as less intelligent or interesting than you really are.
- The “short-term” trap: They may assume you aren’t “marriage material,” either because they think you only want sex, or because they think you’re “fun for now” but not someone to bring home to Mom.
So, who is right? My protective instincts or my friend’s logic?
We decided to find out. In three new studies2, we tested whether a sexualized profile can influence how people see you—and importantly, why and when sexualization can backfire. The results might make you think twice before posting your next selfie, especially if you’re looking for more than just attention (or just sex).
Here is what we found.
The first study: Do sexualized profiles kill relationship appeal?
First, we had to establish the basics. We showed single participants dating profiles that were either sexualized (revealing clothing, flirtatious poses or expressions) or non-sexualized (modest clothing, natural poses and expressions).
We matched the photos on attractiveness, lighting, and angle, so the only difference was the sexualized presentation itself.
After viewing the profiles, participants rated how they saw the profile owner. For example, how much they were seen as a “person” versus a sexual object, whether they seemed like a good long-term partner, and what kind of relationship they seemed to be looking for. We also asked whether they themselves would be interested in a long-term relationship with that person.
The results were clear. Sexualized profiles were judged more negatively and elicited significantly less interest in long-term relationships. The participants might have been interested in looking, but they weren’t interested in staying.
But there was an important limitation: the sexualized and non-sexualized profiles featured different people, so we needed a stronger test to rule out the possibility that participants were reacting to the specific person rather than to sexualization itself.
The second study: Why long-term interest is lower for people with sexualized profiles
We needed to know why this happens.
To test this, we moved beyond static images. Participants watched a short video introduction featuring the same person in both the sexualized and non-sexualized versions. This mattered because people weren’t just reacting to a face, charm, or a “vibe.” They were reacting primarily to how that person presented themselves.
We found that people with sexualized profiles were seen as less suitable long-term partners, and that helped explain why participants were less interested in a meaningful relationship with them.
The third study: Can your bio soften the negative effect of a sexualized profile?
Finally, we tested whether we could get the best of both worlds: Can a sexy photo be balanced by a more human bio that shows concern for others?
Participants saw profiles that varied in both the photo (sexualized vs. non-sexualized) and the written description (communal vs. neutral). This let us test whether signaling caring qualities and depth can soften the negative assumptions that a sexualized photo sometimes triggers.
To illustrate, a “communal” (or caring) self-description included statements like:
“I love meeting up with friends, taking sunset beach walks, volunteering with the elderly, and assisting them on a weekly basis.”
A neutral self-description included statements like:
“I like the beach, going to parties, and just enjoying life.”
What did we find?
The meaning of a sexy photo depends on the rest of the profile and on who is doing the judging.
For men viewing women’s profiles, a warm bio was reassuring. It signaled that behind the sexy photo was someone capable of a real partnership.
For women viewing men’s profiles, however, it could backfire.
Women usually have more to lose from a bad dating decision.3 When they saw a man with a shirtless, sexualized photo paired with a sensitive bio about “volunteering with the elderly,” they didn’t buy it. It could feel like a mixed signal. The incongruence made them suspicious of his true intentions.
The Takeaway
Looking back, I still understand my friend’s point. In a crowded dating market, people use what gets them noticed. But our research suggests that getting attention is only the beginning. What happens next depends on how people interpret your overall profile and whether it invites them to see a body or a whole person.
Presenting yourself purely as sexy can sabotage your chances of attracting long-term partners. You can win attention in a second and still lose the chance to be seen for who you are.
You don’t have to wear a sexy outfit to be desirable (save that for when you actually know each other). The goal isn’t to be less sexy; it’s to let your whole self come through first.
References:
- Van der Zanden, T., Mos, M. B., Schouten, A. P., & Krahmer, E. J. (2022). What people look at in multimodal online dating profiles: How pictorial and textual cues affect impression formation. Communication Research, 49(6), 863-890.
- Birnbaum, G. E., Zholtack, K., & Reis, H. T. (2026). Selling yourself short: How sexualized online dating profiles affect viewers’ perceptions and relationship intentions. Cyberpsychology: Journal of Psychosocial Research on Cyberspace, 20(2), Article 3. https://doi.org/10.5817/CP2026-2-3
- Walter, K. V., Conroy-Beam, D., Buss, D. M., Asao, K., Sorokowska, A., Sorokowski, P., … Zupančič, M. (2020). Sex differences in mate preferences across 45 countries: A large-scale replication. Psychological Science, 31(4), 408-423.
