A new study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships suggests that when people feel ignored by their partners because of phone use — a behavior known as “phubbing” — it can lead to a deeper sense of emotional disconnection. Specifically, the research indicates that individuals who perceive their partner as being distracted by their phone tend to feel more deprived of affection. This emotional gap, in turn, is linked with lower relationship satisfaction.
The study was inspired by the increasingly common experience of couples feeling neglected because of mobile phone use, especially during conversations or shared time. Phubbing is the act of diverting attention away from a partner in favor of a smartphone — such as checking notifications, scrolling through social media, or replying to messages while someone else is present.
Surveys suggest that many people are affected by this behavior. Nearly half of Americans in relationships report that a partner has been distracted by their phone during a conversation. Over a third say they are bothered by how much time their partner spends on their phone. Prior studies have linked phubbing to reduced intimacy and satisfaction, but few have investigated the specific emotional processes that might explain these outcomes.
The COVID-19 pandemic presented a unique opportunity to explore this issue. With stay-at-home mandates and social distancing measures in place, couples were spending more time together than usual, often with limited access to other sources of social support.
“This study was part of a larger project our team conducted exploring the ways that couples were navigating the pandemic while living together. Like others, we noticed how much relationships were shifting in response to stress, isolation, and changes in daily routines during the pandemic,” said study author Amanda Denes, a professor of communication at the University of Connecticut.
“One of our team members was particularly interested in mobile phone use among couples, and we started wondering how the potentially increased time that people were spending on their phones (not just for distraction, but also as a necessary means for reaching out to others during lockdown) might impact their relationships. Couples were also dealing with new challenges, like increased physical closeness.”
“Our study emerged from an interest in how couples who were living in isolation together might be using their phones in ways that interfered with or interrupted their relationship, also known as phubbing, and whether that might impact how they felt about the quality and quantity of affection they were receiving from their partner and ultimately, their relationship satisfaction. ”
The study included 51 couples, for a total of 102 individuals, who were living together during the early months of the pandemic. Participants were recruited from three major cities in the United States between April and September 2020. To take part, couples needed to be living without other housemates and meet several health-related criteria. Most participants were in different-sex relationships, but same-sex couples were also included.
Participants completed an initial survey assessing three main factors: how much they felt their partner phubbed them, how deprived of affection they felt, and how satisfied they were with their relationship. Phubbing was measured through questions such as whether a partner glanced at their phone during conversation or checked their phone during pauses. Affection deprivation was assessed with items that asked whether participants felt they received enough affection, such as hugs, smiles, or expressions of fondness. Relationship satisfaction was measured using a standard seven-item scale.
Importantly, the researchers used a dyadic analysis approach, which allowed them to examine how one partner’s experiences and perceptions influenced both their own outcomes and their partner’s. This design helped capture the interpersonal nature of the behaviors being studied.
The main finding was that when people perceived their partner as frequently engaging in phubbing, they were more likely to feel deprived of affection. This sense of emotional deprivation was then associated with lower satisfaction in the relationship. In other words, phubbing seemed to harm relationships indirectly by making people feel emotionally neglected.
The study also uncovered a significant partner effect: a person’s own feelings of being affection-deprived were linked not only to their own relationship satisfaction but also to their partner’s. This suggests that emotional disconnection can ripple across the relationship, affecting both individuals. For example, if one person feels emotionally neglected, they may act in ways — perhaps becoming withdrawn or less affectionate — that ultimately reduce their partner’s satisfaction as well.
“One of the big takeaways from our study is that when a person feels ignored by their partner because they are more focused on their phone, it may make them feel less loved and cared for, and ultimately, damage the relationship,” Denes told PsyPost. “Even if the phone use isn’t intended to be hurtful, it can still create distance. These findings highlight the importance of being mindful of how we use our phones around loved ones, especially in close quarters or during stressful times. By creating mutually agreed upon boundaries around phone use, along with finding ways to express affection intentionally, couples may be able to foster greater connection.”
Interestingly, the study did not find that phubbing similarity — the degree to which both partners engaged in similar levels of phone use — was associated with affection deprivation or satisfaction. This means that even if both partners used their phones frequently, it did not reduce the negative effects. Equal participation in the behavior did not appear to buffer against the feeling of being ignored or unimportant.
“We were surprised to find that similarity in phubbing behavior wasn’t associated with affection deprivation or relationship satisfaction,” Denes explained. “Even if both partners perceived each other as equally engaged in phubbing, the negative effects (like feeling less affection and lower satisfaction) still emerged. So ‘matching’ in phone use doesn’t seem to cancel out its impact. That was unexpected, as prior research on other technology use habits suggests that similarity in behavior can sometimes be a buffer.”
The study provides valuable insight into the emotional pathways through which phubbing can affect relationships, but it is not without limitations. The data were collected at a single point in time, which means the researchers could not determine the exact order of cause and effect. It is possible, for instance, that people who are unhappy in their relationships are more likely to perceive their partners as disengaged, or that lower satisfaction leads to more phubbing rather than the other way around.
“That said, the findings offer a useful snapshot of how mobile phone use, affection, and satisfaction are associated with one another during a particularly stressful time,” Denes said.
Future research could address these issues by collecting data over time or conducting experiments where phone use is manipulated. Researchers could also examine how conversations about phone use, or agreements about when and how phones are used during shared time, might help reduce feelings of emotional neglect. Additionally, studies could explore how affection deprivation plays a role in other contexts, such as during long-distance relationships or periods of individual stress.
“We’re interested in continuing to explore how everyday behaviors shape connection and communication in close relationships, especially when experiencing stress,” Denes said. “In the future, we hope to examine these dynamics over time, in different types of partnerships, and in more diverse samples. We’re also curious about what helps couples stay emotionally connected even when life is overwhelming, whether through supportive communication, affection, or open conversations about needs. Ultimately, we hope this line of research helps people become more intentional about how they express affection in their relationships, especially in our mobile phone-saturated world.”
“This study reinforces the point that affection matters in relationships. When people feel deprived of affection, especially during difficult times, it can ripple in ways that impact not just their individual well-being, but also their relationships. The good news is that affection is something we can be proactive about. Being aware of how phone use might interfere with our ability to express affection to important people in our lives is a first step in making sure we make the time and space to invest in our close relationships.”
The study, “Phone or affection?: Assessing dyadic perceptions of partner phubbing, affection deprivation, and relationship satisfaction,” was authored by Amanda Denes, Chelsea Guest, Katrina T. Webber, Amy A. Gorin, and Talea Cornelius.
