I felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me. My best friend of 17 years was on a texting tirade, and every word that appeared on the screen hurt more than the last. She told me I used my anxiety as an excuse, that I romanticized both it and my introversion, and that my “victim mindset” had consumed me. The final blow came when she told me that my seizures were not caused by temporal lobe epilepsy (what my neurologist diagnosed), but were actually psychosomatic.
I wanted to rage at her. I wanted to tell her that my anxiety wasn’t an excuse, it was me being honest with her instead of coming up with another lie about why I couldn’t go out to the bars or to crowded concert venues. I wanted to tell her that there was absolutely nothing romantic about anxiety, that I was in a constant war with both my thoughts and my amygdala. That no matter how happy I might be, there was a little voice in the back of my mind telling me that everyone I loved hated me, and that they would be better off if I wasn’t around anymore.
I wanted to tell her that I wasn’t a victim of my anxiety — that I was working with my doctor to find the best medication to ease my symptoms, that I saw a therapist once a week to work through my issues, that I talked about anxiety openly to help reduce the stigma surrounding mental illness. I wanted to tell her that anxiety is real, and terrifying, and physically painful — that just because you couldn’t always see it, didn’t meant it wasn’t there.
But I didn’t do any of those things. Instead I apologized for upsetting her, and then curled up on my bed and cried until my face was swollen and my eyes raw. Even though I was deeply hurt and incredibly angry, my anxiety still ruled my response. I’d rather internalize the pain than confront her with the truth.
What she failed to see (and so many others do as well), is that anxiety is a serious mental illness. We’re not talking about normal everyday worries here, we’re talking about the brain treating ordinary events as a life or death situation.
For instance, the average person might react to a mild disagreement with a friend by being angry for a while, working through it, and then forgiving and forgetting. My reaction is a full blown panic attack — my “fight or flight” response is triggered, my heartbeat skyrockets, my breath becomes short, and my feet, hands, and face go numb. When I do finally manage to calm down, my brain stores whatever it was that angered my friend, and then taunts me with it for years.
Of course, this is just my own experience. Anxiety affects individual sufferers and the communities in which they live in a number of different ways.
- Women and adults under the age of 35 are more likely to experience anxiety than other groups. [source]
- People with anxiety are more likely to develop depression and physical illnesses. [source]
- Among individuals reporting a suicide attempt, over 70% had an anxiety disorder. [source]
- People with mood disorders are twice as likely to suffer addiction problems. [source]
- 60% of people with a mental illness don’t seek treatment. [source]
- Anxiety disorders cost more than $42 billion a year, almost one third of the total mental health bill for the U.S. [source]
- More than $22.84 billion of those costs are associated with repeated use of health care services, as people with anxiety disorders often have symptoms that mimic physical illnesses. [source]
How can those of us with anxiety disorders mitigate these effects? It’s simple — seek out help when you need it. I have never needed emotional support more than I did after those awful texts, and I found it in a number of places.
Friends & Family
If you’re lucky enough to have supportive (and understanding) friends and family, they should be the first place you turn when your anxiety becomes too much. They understand you on a deep level, and are invested in your happiness and peace of mind. Their warmth and encouragement is likely to remind you why you love them all over again.
I have a wonderfully supportive group of close friends that not only talked me through my feelings of hurt, anger, and betrayal, they also were able to completely raise me out of the depression that threatened to take over in the few days after the incident. Their kind words and willingness to talk to me whenever I needed encouragement, reminded me that the action of one person does not define the actions of all others.
The Internet
Two days after the texting outburst, an article from Upworthy appeared on my Facebook wall that struck a cord. I left a comment explaining what I had recently been through, and the responses I received absolutely blew me away.
These responses went on and on, and the seemingly bottomless well of compassionate words from complete strangers brought me to tears. It meant so much to be validated by people who understood exactly how anxiety affects the mind, body, and emotions.
If you’d like to talk to other people with anxiety disorders, there are a number of online support groups you can join. Here are just a few:
Mental Health Professionals
If you’re not already seeing a therapist, I highly recommend it. A therapist will help you work on ways to understand your thoughts, moods, and behaviors. Furthermore, just the act of putting your feelings into words can have a therapeutic effect!
I’ve been seeing my therapist for four months now, and I’ve already seen a massive improvement in my response to stressors. Having someone to talk to every week, who approaches issues from a different point of view, and helps me in developing coping mechanisms has been unbelievably helpful. I can’t imagine life without her!
Life can be rough, but when you’re living it with an anxiety disorder, it can be horrifically overwhelming. Engaging in self care, finding joy wherever possible, and, most of all, seeking support, is absolutely essential to happiness. Take care my friends!
Liz Greene is a dog loving, makeup obsessing, anxiety ridden realist from Boise, Idaho. When she’s not writing, she enjoys eating fancy cheeses, fantasizing about what life would be like if she had an Iron Man suit, and re-watching American Dad episodes for the 100th time.
