Parenting by lying has been documented in various countries, including the United States, Canada, China, Singapore, and Turkey. In a brief paper published in Current Directions in Psychological Science, Peipei Setoh and colleagues provide an overview of this emerging line of research.
Parenting by lying encompasses statements made by parents with the intention of influencing or deceiving their children, taking forms like lying for behavioral compliance or manipulating children’s emotions through false praise or endorsement of imaginary beings like Santa Claus. Determining what constitutes parenting by lying can be challenging, often dependent on the underlying intentions which may not be readily apparent. For example, what possesses a parent to explain a blue sky by attributing it to birds’ favorite color?
Factors such as cultural context and community norms can shape the acceptability of certain lies. Research indicates that parenting by lying is prevalent across various populations, with a significant proportion of parents engaging in this practice, even those who emphasize the importance of honesty to their children. However, it is worth noting that not all parents who lie do so frequently; only a small percentage of young Americans (roughly 5%) reported that their parents lied regularly.
Some researchers express concerns that parenting by lying might unintentionally encourage dishonesty in children, as they may model their behavior after their parents. There is also the potential that it could undermine the parent-child attachment, possibly resulting in disruptions or mistrust. Studies have identified associations between exposure to parenting by lying and negative outcomes in children, including externalizing (e.g., aggression) and internalizing (e.g., anxiety) problems, psychopathy, and increased lying behavior. However, establishing a direct causal link between parenting by lying and these outcomes remains a subject of debate, necessitating further research.
Theoretical frameworks like Darling and Steinberg’s (1993) integrative model of parenting provide a context for understanding parenting by lying. According to this model, parental goals and values influence parenting practices, which, in turn, affect child outcomes. Expanding on this model, Setoh and colleagues suggest that there may be additional pathways mediating the relationship between parenting by lying and child outcomes. Specifically, they propose a mediation pathway involving the parent-child relationship, suggesting that increased exposure to parenting by lying may lead to poorer parent-child relationships, subsequently resulting in worse psychosocial adjustment in children.
The authors emphasize the need for future research to adopt a broader approach, encompassing various forms of parenting by lying and examining its prevalence across different cultural contexts. They suggest exploring the potential positive outcomes of specific types of parenting by lying, particularly those motivated by benevolent goals, such as preserving a sense of magic for children. They further call for investigations into the wider social dynamics related to parenting by lying, including how children react when they discover their parents’ lies and the factors that influence parents’ decisions to lie.
While existing research has provided insights into the prevalence of parenting by lying and its association with certain negative outcomes, further research is needed to determine causality, understand the nuances, and explore potential positive effects.
The paper, “Parenting by Lying”, was authored by Peipei Setoh, Petrina Hui Xian Low, Gail D. Heyman, and Kang Lee.