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A new study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy sheds light on what people in the United States say they most enjoy about being sexual with a partner. Drawing from a large, nationally representative sample, researchers found that emotional closeness, physical pleasure, specific sex acts, expressions of love, giving pleasure to a partner, and orgasm were among the most commonly mentioned highlights of sexual experiences.
This research stands out from much of the existing literature on sexuality, which tends to focus on problems or risks, such as sexually transmitted infections, dysfunction, or coercion. Instead, the authors sought to better understand what people find positive or rewarding about sex.
Their goal was to give voice to sexual joy and pleasure, and to inform efforts in sexual health education, clinical care, and public health messaging. By asking open-ended questions and allowing people to respond in their own words, the researchers hoped to uncover a richer and more diverse picture of sexual experiences than what is typically captured by multiple-choice surveys.
The research team, led by Debby Herbenick at Indiana University, used data from the 2012 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior. This survey included over 4,000 adults in the United States and used a probability-based sampling method to ensure that the results could be generalized to the wider population. Participants who reported having had partnered sex at some point in their lives were asked to write about their favorite things about being sexual with a partner. Of the 4,030 eligible participants, 2,755 provided usable responses to the open-ended question.
To analyze the responses, a team of trained coders reviewed the answers and developed a set of 22 categories that captured the major themes. These included emotional aspects like intimacy and love, physical sensations such as pleasure and arousal, specific sexual activities, and other dimensions like trust, adventure, or feelings of relaxation. The researchers used a qualitative method known as consensual qualitative research, which emphasizes collaboration among coders and recognition of the context in which responses are given.
Six themes stood out as the most frequently mentioned: closeness and intimacy, specific sex acts, general feelings of physical pleasure, expressions of love or care, giving pleasure to one’s partner, and orgasm. These themes showed up across demographic groups and life stages, although the ways in which people expressed them varied.
The most common theme, mentioned by over 900 people, was closeness and intimacy. Participants described feeling emotionally connected, present, and united with their partner. This could include cuddling, being held, or simply feeling like the rest of the world faded away during sex. Many wrote about the sense of security and warmth that comes from being close to someone they trust and care about. These responses came from both men and women, across a broad range of ages, and highlighted the importance of emotional connection in sexual satisfaction.
The next most common theme focused on specific sex acts. Nearly 900 participants mentioned activities such as kissing, oral sex, cuddling, using sex toys, or trying different positions. Some people enjoyed a combination of acts, while others highlighted a single favorite. These responses pointed to the variety in how people experience pleasure and the different ways they like to express themselves sexually.
About 400 people said simply that sex “feels good”—describing it as pleasurable, exciting, or satisfying. Some talked about the intense physical sensations, while others focused on the mental or emotional boost it gave them. A few contrasted this with past experiences where sex had been painful or emotionally difficult, and emphasized how meaningful it was to now enjoy it in a positive way.
Love and care were another important theme. More than 300 participants said their favorite thing about sex was that it was an expression of love, or that it deepened the emotional bond with their partner. Many wrote about feeling appreciated, cherished, or truly wanted. Others described sex as a way to show affection or maintain closeness during tough times in a relationship.
Around 240 people said they most enjoyed making their partner feel good. For them, giving pleasure—whether through touch, oral sex, or simply being attentive—was deeply satisfying. They described feeling proud, happy, or emotionally moved when their partner responded with moans, laughter, or signs of joy.
Although orgasm was also mentioned, it was less prominent than the other themes, with 231 participants listing it as their favorite part of sex. Some described it as an intense release, others as a shared moment of peak pleasure. A few said they liked to prolong the experience rather than rush to climax.
Other themes appeared less frequently but added depth to the findings. These included feelings of arousal, the calming or therapeutic effect of sex, desire and passion, the thrill of novelty or adventure, physical attraction to a partner’s body, trust, and even enjoyment of kink or BDSM. Some older participants described being celibate and reflected on how their relationship to sex had changed over time.
A few participants expressed negative or indifferent feelings. Some said they did not like sex at all or had never found it particularly meaningful. Others mentioned past trauma, health changes, or loss of a partner as reasons they were no longer sexually active. These responses added a layer of nuance, suggesting that sexual experiences and preferences are shaped by life history, health, and relational context.
The study has some limitations. The responses were collected in 2012, and people’s experiences of sex may have evolved since then, particularly given social and technological changes. The survey only asked about partnered sex, leaving out solo sexual activities like masturbation. And because the open-ended question was placed at the end of the survey, some participants may have skipped it due to fatigue or time constraints. Also, while the qualitative approach allowed for a wide range of responses, the interpretation of those responses inevitably reflected the perspectives of the research team.
Nevertheless, the study adds a significant contribution to the growing field of sex-positive research. By asking people directly what they enjoy about sex—without imposing pre-set answers—the researchers were able to capture the richness and diversity of sexual pleasure across the population.
The study, “What Are Americans’ Favorite Aspects of Partnered Sex? Findings From a U.S. Nationally Representative Survey,” was authored by Debby Herbenick, Callie Patterson Perry, Bethany Lumsdaine, Tsung-chieh Fu, Mary Balle, Owen Miller, Ruhun Wasata and J. Dennis Fortenberry.
