When parents get involved in their kids’ love lives, it can shake up their own relationship

Emerging adults often lean on their parents for emotional support while forging their own romantic relationships. But new research suggests that when parents try to influence their child’s love life—whether by helping or hindering—it can affect the stability of their relationship with that child.

The study, published in Communication Research, found that both supportive and obstructive parental behaviors were linked to feelings of turbulence in the parent-child relationship, in part through the tone of their conversations about the child’s romantic partner. However, the impact of these behaviors depended on how open the family typically is in its communication and how much the child values the parent’s opinion.

The research was conducted by Paul Schrodt and Emily Stager of Texas Christian University. The study builds on relational turbulence theory, a framework that explains how uncertainty and interpersonal influence can affect communication and emotional stability during life transitions. While the theory was initially developed to study romantic partners, the authors applied it to parent-child relationships during early adulthood—a time when children often seek more independence while still relying on their parents.

Past research has shown that parents frequently try to influence who their children date. Some encourage these relationships by inviting partners to family events or giving advice, while others use guilt, pressure, or manipulation to discourage them. These behaviors can shape not only the child’s romantic relationship but also the emotional dynamics between parent and child. Schrodt and Stager set out to explore how this influence plays out through the lens of relational turbulence theory.

“Our interest in this topic stems from both my own personal experience as a father of two young adult sons who has navigated different kinds of conversations about who they were dating, and my coauthor’s experience as a young adult daughter who married last year but had experienced some challenging conversations with her own parents while dating her future husband,” explained Schrodt, the Philip J. & Cheryl C. Burguières Professor in the Department of Communication Studies.

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“Emily Stager was my master’s student, and this work comes from our work together on her master’s thesis. Together, we observed that relational turbulence theory was developed and applied primarily to romantic partners’ communication and experiences of turbulence in their own romantic relationships, so we sought to extend the theory by exploring whether parents’ involvement in their young adult children’s romantic relationships produced comparable levels of turbulence within the parent-child relationship.”

To conduct the study, the researchers recruited 264 college-aged participants between 18 and 24 who were currently involved in a romantic relationship. Most participants identified as White, straight, and female. Each person completed an online survey asking about their romantic relationship, their relationship with one parent (either mother or father, chosen at random), and how that parent had either supported or interfered with the romantic relationship. The survey also asked participants to describe how positive or negative their recent conversations with the parent had been about the romantic partner, and to rate how chaotic or stable their relationship with the parent currently felt.

The researchers used well-established psychological scales and statistical modeling to analyze the results. Parent interference was measured through statements such as “My parent makes it harder for me to schedule time with my partner,” while parent facilitation included statements like “My parent helps me resolve conflict with my partner.” Relational turbulence was measured by participants’ agreement with terms like “chaotic” or “tumultuous” to describe their current relationship with the parent.

The findings revealed that both interference and facilitation were directly linked to relational turbulence, but in opposite directions. When parents interfered with the romantic relationship, the child was more likely to report a strained or chaotic relationship with that parent. When parents supported the relationship, the child was more likely to report a smooth and stable relationship with the parent.

These associations were also explained, in part, by the tone of their conversations. Interference was linked to more negative conversations about the partner, which in turn were linked to greater turbulence. Facilitation was linked to more positive conversations, which were associated with less turbulence.

In other words, the emotional tone of parent-child discussions about a child’s romantic partner appeared to help explain why a parent’s involvement—whether helpful or not—could shift the emotional climate of their own relationship with their child.

“Parent interference with the child’s romantic relationship may heighten turbulence in the parent-child relationship by creating more negative conversations about the child’s romantic partner, whereas parent facilitation may reduce turbulence in the parent-child relationship by creating more positive conversations between parent and child about the child’s romantic partner,” Schrodt told PsyPost.

But the story didn’t end there. The researchers also wanted to know when these effects were stronger or weaker. They looked at two factors that might shape the impact of parental involvement: how much the family encouraged open conversations (called “conversation orientation”) and how much the child valued the parent’s opinion about the relationship.

The results showed that in families with low levels of open communication, parental interference had a stronger negative impact on the parent-child relationship, especially when the child placed high importance on the parent’s opinion. In contrast, in families that typically had open and frequent conversations about personal matters, interference from the parent didn’t seem to harm the relationship as much—possibly because open communication had built a foundation of trust and resilience.

A similar pattern appeared with facilitation. In low conversation-oriented families, when the child valued the parent’s opinion, support from the parent had the strongest positive effect on the parent-child relationship. But in highly conversation-oriented families, support from a parent actually predicted more turbulence—if the child highly valued the parent’s opinion. The researchers speculated that in these families, ongoing support might come across as intrusive or overly involved, especially during a life stage when the child is trying to assert autonomy.

“The direct associations between both forms of parent involvement (i.e., interference and facilitation) and turbulence in the parent-child relationship depend upon the family’s conversation orientation (or how open the family communication environment is in general) and how much the child values the parent’s opinion about their romantic partnership,” Schrodt explained. “Specifically, parents who interfere with their child’s romantic relationship but do so in the context of past family conversations that are open and honest essentially mitigate the harm that may come to their own relationship with the child as a result of their involvement.”

“Likewise, in high conversation-oriented families, parent facilitation inversely predicts turbulence for young adults who do not value their parent’s opinion, but it positively predicts turbulence for young adults who highly value their parent’s opinion. We see conversation orientation establishing a certain set of norms for family interactions that may be violated in positive or negative ways when parents who typically do (or do not) engage their children in open discussions on a variety of topics take a particular interest in talking about, and attempting to influence, their child’s romantic relationship.”

“Essentially, we discovered that parent facilitation in high conversation-oriented families may either be negatively or positively associated with turbulence in the parent-child relationship depending upon whether the child values the parent’s opinion about their romantic partnership,” Schrodt continued. “In particular, parents from high conversation-oriented families who attempt to support and facilitate their child’s romantic partnership may experience something akin to a boomerang effect, where the attention, ongoing conversations, and influence attempts they give to their child’s relationship may be interpreted as intrusive and/or controlling, leading to a sense of chaos and instability that undermines the kind of relationship the child wants to have with their parents.”

But the authors caution that their sample may not reflect the experiences of all families. The participants were mostly White, straight, college-enrolled women, which limits how broadly the results can be applied. Future research could explore how these dynamics play out in more diverse populations, including families with different cultural values or sexual orientations.

In addition, while the study measured participants’ perceptions of their parents’ behavior and relationship dynamics, it did not include the parents’ perspectives or the partner’s input. The study was also cross-sectional, meaning it captured a snapshot in time rather than tracking changes over a longer period. These limitations make it difficult to draw firm conclusions about how these dynamics evolve or influence one another.

Despite these constraints, the research offers a window into how conversations about romantic partners shape parent-child relationships during a pivotal stage of life. It also shows how family communication patterns and individual attitudes can influence whether parental involvement helps or harms that bond.

“Our primary long-term goal for this research is to continue expanding the range of relationships that relational turbulence theory can be applied to,” Schrodt said. “As I noted above, historically, this theory was developed and used to explain transitions and communication in romantic relationships, but our work here and other recent work in our field has begun to apply and test the propositions of the theory in parent-child relationships and in other social and familial contexts.”

The study, “Emerging Adults’ Relational Turbulence with Parents as a Function of Parent Involvement in Their Romantic Relationship: A Conditional Process Analysis,” was published online June 14, 2025.