A study on friendship preferences discovered that men showed a higher preference for friendships with other men who had different mate preferences, i.e., who were attracted to different types of women. The research was published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
Friendship is one of the most universal and fundamental human relationships, observed across all cultures and ages. The origins of friendship can be traced back to the earliest human societies, where forming bonds with others was crucial for survival. It enabled cooperation in hunting, gathering, and protection from predators or rival groups. Over time, these relationships evolved beyond mere survival to include shared experiences, emotional bonds, and complex social structures, reflecting the diverse and dynamic nature of human social interactions.
Studies indicate that friends generally tend to have similar education levels, age, intelligence, and physical attractiveness. However, it remained unknown whether they also match on mate preference. While matching preferences generally help with developing social bonds, matching preferences for mates might be more likely to make two individuals sexual rivals. Competition for mates and “mate poaching” are common among humans and generally result in negative feelings that are incompatible with developing and maintaining friendship.
Study author Kelly Campbell and her colleagues wanted to explore whether people rate others of the same sex better when they adopt mate preferences that are different from their own. They hypothesized that when two people of the same sex meet, their attraction to each other as potential friends would be stronger if their mate preferences were dissimilar.
The study involved 38 university students—20 men and 18 women—with an average age of 22. All participants were heterosexual, lived in Southern California, and 84% of them were childless. Among them, 26% were exclusively or seriously dating, 13% were married, and 15% were engaged or cohabiting with a partner.
Participants completed an online survey where they listed their preferences for 10 characteristics in a potential mate. They were then shown 20 photos of the opposite sex and asked to rank them from most to least attractive. This set included photos of 10 celebrities and 10 strangers.
After completing the survey, participants were invited to a 3-hour “speed-friending” session, held separately for men and women. Here, they met and interacted with each other for three minutes. After each interaction, they completed a short survey to evaluate their friendship attraction.
When friendship attractiveness ratings were examined, the results showed that there were no individuals that were universally liked. This was particularly the case among men. Most importantly, there was a tendency for participants to find attractive as friends the same people who found them attractive. This was more pronounced in women.
When the study authors looked at the association between mate preferences and friendship attractiveness, they found that men, unlike women, were more attracted to other men as potential friends when they had dissimilar mate preferences.
Looking at just the mate preferences, men ranked interesting personality, sense of humor, and physical attractiveness as the most important qualities of a potential mate. For women, the most important characteristics were friendliness, intelligence, and interesting personality. Yearly income and special non-work-related talents were listed as the least important characteristics of a potential partner by both male and female participants.
“This study provides the first evidence that men’s mate preferences may influence their attitudes towards new potential friends at zero-acquaintance. This phenomenon, if it proves robust, would be consistent with an understanding of intrasexual competition in humans derived from Parental Investment Theory,” the study authors concluded.
The study sheds light on the links between mate and friendship preferences. However, it is important to note that the research involved a small, selective group of participants and relied solely on self-reported data, which leaves room for reporting bias. Further studies with larger and more diverse groups, and using methods beyond self-reports, might provide different results.
The paper, “Mate preference dissimilarity predicts friendship attraction at zero-acquaintance for men, not women,” was authored by Kelly Campbell, Benjamin R. Meagher, Cari D. Goetz, and Nuttacha Vaitayavijit.
