Singlehood stigma and the fear of being alone linked to more flexible dating standards

A new study suggests that the simple prospect of remaining single for a prolonged period can lead individuals to reconsider their firmest dating boundaries. According to research published in the journal Personal Relationships, people become more willing to date someone possessing what they consider a dealbreaker trait when faced with the alternative of staying alone for years. The findings indicate that the expectation of future singlehood, combined with societal pressures, can play a significant part in shaping romantic decisions.

In the world of dating, many people maintain a mental list of “dealbreakers”, which are specific traits or behaviors they consider non-negotiable in a potential partner. These could range from mismatched life goals to unhealthy habits or personality flaws. Researchers have observed that while people often state these standards firmly, their actions can be more flexible. This study was designed to explore what psychological factors might cause someone to bend on a trait they had previously deemed unacceptable.

The research was conducted by Val Wongsomboon of Florida State University and Yale University, alongside Amanda N. Gesselman of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. They were interested in how a person’s expectations about their romantic future might influence their selectivity.

The investigation aimed to test whether the anticipated length of singlehood could make an otherwise undesirable partner seem more appealing. It also examined the role of singlehood stigma, which refers to the negative social stereotypes that can portray single people as lonely or incomplete.

To prepare for their main experiment, the researchers first conducted a pilot study to identify a list of common and serious dealbreakers. They surveyed 408 single adults, who selected from a list of 46 traits and rated how serious each one was. This process helped the team identify 25 traits that were frequently chosen and consistently rated as highly disqualifying, including things like drug use, a history of cheating, or having a polyamorous relationship style. This preliminary work ensured that the main study would use dealbreakers that were genuinely meaningful to participants.

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For the main experiment, the researchers recruited a new group of 452 single adults. Each participant began by choosing their single most significant dealbreaker from the list of 25. They were then presented with a hypothetical scenario. In this scenario, they were to imagine that a person they found physically attractive, but who possessed their chosen dealbreaker trait, expressed romantic interest in them.

The core of the experiment involved randomly dividing the participants into three groups to manipulate their expectations about the future. One group was asked to imagine that if they rejected this person, they would remain single for the next three years. A second group was given a similar instruction but with a longer timeline of ten years. A third group, the control, received no information about their future relationship status. This design allowed the researchers to isolate the effect of anticipating a period of singlehood.

After considering the scenario, all participants rated their likelihood of engaging in five different activities with this person. The activities ranged from a low-stakes meeting, like having coffee, to more involved interactions, such as having a casual date, and finally to high-commitment possibilities, like entering a serious relationship. Participants also completed a questionnaire designed to measure their endorsement of stigmatizing beliefs about being single, such as viewing single people as desperate or destined to die alone.

The analysis of the data produced a clear pattern. The researchers found no significant difference in willingness between those who imagined a three-year period of singlehood and those who imagined ten years. The specific length of the anticipated wait did not seem to alter their decisions between those two conditions.

However, a distinct difference emerged when these two groups were compared to the control group. Participants who were prompted to envision a future of being single for either three or ten years were consistently more likely to say they would engage with the person who had the dealbreaker trait. This was true across the board, from having fun with the person to considering them as a partner for a serious relationship. The results suggest that the mere expectation of a guaranteed stretch of singlehood is enough to make people lower their standards.

The study also revealed a connection between personal beliefs about singlehood and dating flexibility. Individuals who scored higher on the singlehood stigma scale, meaning they held more negative views about being single, were generally more willing to get involved with the person possessing a dealbreaker.

This association was present for nearly every activity, except for the most casual one of having coffee. This suggests that internalizing negative societal messages about being single may create a sense of urgency to partner up, even if it means compromising on important personal standards.

The researchers acknowledge some limitations to their study. The scenarios were hypothetical, and in real life, people rarely have certainty about how long they will remain single. It is also possible that the three-year timeframe was already perceived as a very long time by many participants, which could explain why the ten-year condition did not produce a stronger effect. Furthermore, the sample was primarily composed of volunteers from social media and was not fully representative of the general population, which may affect how widely the findings can be applied.

Future research could build on these findings by exploring a wider range of timeframes or by using more realistic experimental designs that better mimic the uncertainties of actual dating. Investigating how these pressures operate in diverse populations would also provide a more complete picture of partner selection.

The study helps illuminate the complex interplay between personal desires, social pressures, and the perceived passage of time in the search for a romantic partner. It shows that the decision to accept or reject a potential partner is shaped not just by their qualities but also by the perceived alternative of being alone.

The study, “Long Stretch of Singlehood Ahead? Unpacking the Roles of Anticipated Singlehood Duration and Singlehood Stigma in Lowering Dating Standards,” was authored by Val Wongsomboon and Amanda N. Gesselman.