A recent study published in The Journal of Sex Research has found that couples who exhibit a communication pattern known as demand-withdrawal during discussions about sexual conflicts experience lower levels of relationship and sexual satisfaction. The study also found that these couples tend to report higher sexual distress and a decline in their relationship satisfaction over time.
The researchers were interested in exploring how couples communicate during sexual conflicts, a topic that has been studied less thoroughly compared to other types of relationship conflicts. Communication about sexual problems is often more anxiety-inducing than discussions about other issues, and it can be particularly challenging for couples to navigate.
Sexual conflicts tend to evoke stronger negative emotions, such as shame, anger, or fear, making it harder for partners to openly discuss and resolve issues. Poor sexual communication is linked to lower levels of intimacy, relationship satisfaction, and overall psychological well-being.
While sexual communication has been studied in various ways—such as the frequency and quality of discussions—specific communication patterns during sexual conflicts, like demand-withdrawal, have not received as much attention. Demand-withdrawal communication occurs when one partner pushes to discuss a problem, while the other avoids or disengages from the conversation.
Previous studies have shown that demand-withdrawal communication negatively affects relationship intimacy and satisfaction. However, no prior research has specifically looked at how this communication pattern impacts couples when the conflict is sexual in nature. The researchers conducted their new study to fill that gap.
“I know from my clinical experience that conversations about sex can be fraught with more intense emotions compared to other relationship topics, making effective communication especially challenging. I was interested in how this common pattern of ‘demand’ and ‘withdrawal’ when discussing sexual problems might relate to couples’ sexual and relationship satisfaction,” said study author Natalie O. Rosen, a registered psychologist and professor at Dalhousie University.
The researchers recruited 151 couples from two Canadian cities using online advertisements, posters, and word-of-mouth referrals. The participants were screened for eligibility, which required them to be at least 18 years old, fluent in either English or French, cohabiting with their partner for at least 12 months, and sexually active within the past year. Couples were excluded if one partner was pregnant, breastfeeding, or experiencing serious psychiatric or physical illness.
First, each participant completed an online survey to measure relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction, and sexual distress. One week later, the couples participated in a laboratory session where they engaged in four discussion tasks. The key discussion in this study focused on a sexual conflict—each couple had to talk about a significant sexual issue in their relationship. This topic was selected based on a questionnaire where participants ranked the sexual problems they considered most problematic. The researchers observed the couples during these discussions, recording their interactions to assess demand-withdrawal communication patterns.
The demand-withdrawal pattern was rated by independent coders who watched the video recordings of the couples’ discussions. These coders evaluated the extent to which one partner demanded engagement (such as pressuring the other to talk) and the other withdrew (such as becoming silent or avoiding the issue). The coders rated the presence of demand-withdrawal behavior on a five-point scale. Each couple’s overall demand-withdrawal score was calculated by averaging the individual scores of both partners.
The couples were followed up 12 months later, at which point they completed another survey to assess changes in their relationship and sexual well-being.
The researchers found that couples who displayed higher levels of demand-withdrawal during their sexual conflict discussions reported lower levels of relationship and sexual satisfaction at the time of the discussion (known as Time 1) and 12 months later (Time 2). These couples also reported higher levels of sexual distress at the time of the discussion, though the effect on sexual distress did not persist 12 months later.
“Couples who engage in a pattern of demand (one person exerts pressure to talk about a problem) and withdrawal (the other person becomes silent or acquiesces) when talking about sexual problems in their relationship also report lower sexual satisfaction, higher sexual distress, and lower relationship satisfaction,” Rosen told PsyPost. “If couples find themselves falling into this pattern of communication when faced with sexual problems, they might benefit from sex and couple therapy aimed at helping them work together in a more constructive way.”
Interestingly, the researchers found that higher levels of demand-withdrawal communication were associated with reduced relationship satisfaction over time. Couples who engaged in more demand-withdrawal behavior during their sexual conflict discussion experienced a decline in their relationship satisfaction over the following year. However, this communication pattern did not predict long-term changes in sexual satisfaction or distress.
“It was interesting that the demand-withdrawal pattern predicted a decrease in relationship satisfaction 12 months later, but not our sexual outcomes,” Rosen said. “It could be that this communication style is more important for shaping future relationship outcomes, but its influence on sexual outcomes is more proximal (i.e., more immediate rather than long-term).”
The results were consistent across men and women, indicating that the negative effects of demand-withdrawal communication were similar regardless of gender. The study did not find any significant gender differences in how this communication pattern affected relationship or sexual outcomes, though the researchers acknowledged that their sample size may have been too small to detect differences for individuals with gender identities other than men and women.
“We did not find any gender differences in our results, suggesting that the presence of demand-withdrawal was linked to relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction, and sexual distress, for all our participants in a similar manner,” Rosen explained. “However, we only examined gender effects for men and women due to sample size restrictions. It is possible that there are additional gender identities, expressions, and roles that might influence the generalizability of the findings.”
One limitation is the study’s sample, which consisted mostly of long-term, cohabiting, heterosexual couples who were not seeking treatment for relationship issues. “Our findings may not generalize to treatment-seeking individuals in newer relationships, additional cultures, and to those who do not identify as heterosexual,” Rosen noted.
Future research could build on these findings by exploring the emotional dynamics that arise during demand-withdrawal discussions about sexual conflicts. Understanding how couples regulate their emotions during these conversations could help identify ways to intervene and improve communication. Additionally, studies could investigate whether certain factors, such as personality traits, attachment styles, or relationship length, moderate the effects of demand-withdrawal on relationship and sexual outcomes.
The study, “Do Demand-Withdrawal Communication Patterns During Sexual Conflict Predict Couples’ Relationship Satisfaction, Sexual Satisfaction, and Sexual Distress? An Observational and Prospective Study,” was authored by Natalie O. Rosen, Justin P. Dubé, Myriam Bosisio, and Sophie Bergeron.
